Diabetic husband called me vile things during hypo

[rosesarepink2]

Husband is type 1 diabetic. The other day he had a hypo, and behaved like a drunk person. He shouted at me and called me a stupid ugly bitch, fugly, a cunt, fat, an idiot. And more I can't remember.

After his blood sugars went up he said he can't remember what was said and he wasn't in control of it. But should I just let it slide because of that? I think the ugly part hurt the most. I appreciate this is something many won't have experienced but I wondered how others would deal with the aftermath of this?

I think @SirGawain meant to quote the quite ignorant post from @Bunnymumy above them?

I have had three bad hypos, I have zero memory of them (or much of the entire day), but I know from friends that witnessed it I was horrible and aggressive.

Aggression, swearing, moodyness etc are all very common signs of a dangerous hypo. When you have very low blood sugar your brain no longer has proper control. Just as someone with a hypo can’t stop themselves collapsing they can’t control their behaviour, some can’t control their bladder etc. When you’re drunk you do have control over your thoughts etc, when you have a hypo there is zero control of anything basically.

@erised24

Yes, you should let it slide. I grew up with a diabetic grandfather who often had hypos and said the worst things, they cannot control what they do or say and won't remember anything after. It's really not his fault. It'd be like blaming someone with tourettes for shouting things, it can't be controlled.

Apologies erised24 I clicked the wrong link the comment was meant for Bunnymumy.

YES, you let it go.

For your poor husband's sake, please learn more about diabetes and hypos. I am actually shocked that you can be married to a T1 diabetic and not be aware this can happen during a hypo.

Think of it like Tourettes if that helps. What he said was like a brain glitch and not voluntary, not about you, not his opinion or subconscious opinion of you.

@SirGawain ah I see! No problem.

I don't agree with Raffles consultant :

"However the verbal abuse was not likely caused by the hypo as verbal skills are not generally affected"

And think the consultant is talking utter bullshit!

I don't agree with Raffles consultant :

"However the verbal abuse was not likely caused by the hypo as verbal skills are not generally affected"

And think the consultant is talking utter bullshit!

@Bunnymumy

If he had just shouted and sworn that would have been one thing but calling you derogatory names...I don't think I could forgive that.

I'd be wondering if he was actually just abusive and using this as an excuse.

And either way, what about the next time? And the next?

No thanks.

So when someones brain is starved of both oxygen and sugar which is causing brain damage (all bad hypos do cause a degree of brain damage) you think they’re capable of thinking “ooo I know, I’m going to be horrible”.

My (Adult) daughter becomes very stroppy and uncooperative during a hypo, it’s one of the ways I recognise it. I don’t remember her swearing at me, but definitely shouting and banging doors

Hypos are horrible for everyone. He wouldn't have had a clue what he was doing.

I remember my Auntie who was in her 60s using the most awful language and attacking paramedics. Totally out of control and the like of which we'd never seen before. It was actually the reason we phoned the ambulance as she was sober. It came from nowhere.

We later found out she was diabetic and she was lucky she hadn't fallen into a coma. If we'd just put it down to her being a knob she'd probably have died.

My uncle had T1 diabetes. He was a very gentle, vegetarian, yoga-doing type who worked with disabled adults and wouldn't hurt a fly.
When he had hypos however he would become very agitated, confused and aggressive. Once he even stripped naked and then punched a police officer when they went up to him.
Unless he speaks to you like this under normal circumstances, I'd let it go.

Hi OP 👋🏼 in my opinion you should 100% let it slide - I say this because my grandad was type 1 diabetic & when he had hypos (granted not very often but often enough for me to have witnessed a few) he would behave like a totally different person, completely uncontrollable & nasty - which was the opposite of my kind loving beautiful man of a grandfather.
He also couldn't remember a thing afterwards & would apologise profusely to my grandma who often took the brunt of it all.
Just thought I'd share my experience with you.
Hope you're ok 💖

However the verbal abuse was not likely caused by the hypo as verbal skills are not generally affected.

Yes they are, thats why people like me generally revert to their first language during a hypo. Suddenly reverting to a first language is an early sign of a hypo in some type ones.

Oblomov I didn't want to believe him either. I truly believed otherwise, however in my dad's case his consultant has been clear. I had never heard that before.

You can't blame dh for things he said during a hypo. Yes it is upsetting but it is outwith his control and not a true reflection of his feelings.

I think you need to book an appointment with your GP surgery nurse and get them to explain to you what happens to your DH when he has a hypo.

It's not his fault and he had absolutely no control over what came out of his mouth.

Unfortunately that sounds ‘normal’, my Dad is beastly when he is hypo. He will say really mean things and will try and fight anyone. In reality, when he is hypo he couldn’t be further from my usual loving Dad. He also gets past a point of no return so the usual advice of ‘well, if you are low have a banana’ doesn’t really stand as he literally cannot think for himself. I can understand you being hurt but just being aware of what his levels are like will help you pinpoint highs and lows and you can help him prevent it. Whenever he comes to mine or sisters houses we always have a mini full fat coke and some dextrose tablets on hand just in case.

DH is T1 diabetic, and occasionally has hypos like this. It's never been personal, but there have been a few occasions where he has behaved completely out of character (in terms of what he says, his language and phraseology) - it's like he's a totally different person, one who I really wouldn't like at all. He has absolutely no recollection of these moments. Last summer, he had a particularly bad hypo whilst we were camping with friends, and was pretty horrible. It was worse when other people were there. Luckily, they've known us a long time, and knew it wasn't really him behaving like that.
During a bad hypo, the brain doesn't work properly, I think all bets are off really.

It's really horrible, but it's worse for the diabetic I think.

You have my sympathy. I think it can be tough being the partner of a diabetic. The only decent nights' sleep I've had in the past 25 years have been when we haven't been in the same bed. I am a ridiculously light sleeper when he's next to me, even though he only has a hypo in his sleep about every 18 months or so.

My husband is the loveliest man alive and his diabetes is, thankfully, very well controlled. However, on the very rare occasions that he does have hypos he certainly gets a lot grumpier - almost like a different person. In this state they are about to loose consciousness - they are not themselves. I wouldn’t blame them for it but am sorry if you felt upset by it. I know it can be scary to see someone you love acting like that x

I am a mother of a diabetic so educating myself on it comes with the territory, if you don't know that much about it I really do recommend going onto the forums, reading books ( I liked, think like a pancreas). Type 1 diabetes is a massive responsibility for a person to have and nobody gets a day off from it, it can be exhausting I imagine. Taking some of that responsibility off of them by learning what is happening to them and why could be really good for both of you

However , if you already know all about it and it was just this one question then I apologise.

I am Type 1. Please please please just ignore this. I have done some very odd things when hypo that I feel very embarrassed about. I can’t think of anything worse than my husband taking seriously the things that happen. It’s not even that like being drunk in my experience - it is more out of control. It definitely isn’t “a true self” coming out. Not AT ALL.

My sister was diagnosed t1 at 4 years old and had the worst hypos during puberty. She was so quiet and timid back then but turned into a monster when in hypo. She had superhuman strength and would use swear words we didn’t even know she knew. She even managed to bite down on the glass of lucozade once and made her tongue and lips bleed. She would never remember anything after.

This is a medical condition and they have no control. Anyone who says otherwise does not know what they’re taking about. Please just ignore everything he said as he has no idea

Yes, let it slide. Hypos are very strange. You don't feel yourself and you feel out of control. I can well believe he didn't know he was saying. You wouldn't blame someone with Tourettes, so don't blame him for being in a hypo.

Let it go. My Mum is type 1 and she gets very aggressive and argumentative when having a hypo. I’ve had to physically restrain her a few times whilst trying to help her and she once slapped me across the face.
When I was about 8 years old, she shoved me so hard, I fell and smashed my head on the radiator. She also seems to hallucinate and can get very frightened. Her vision also seems to go and sometimes she can’t seem to see me and I have to repeatedly tell her that I’m with her.

She never remembers and flatly denies what has happened. It’s completely uncharacteristic of her and she has never raised a hand to me other than when she’s having a major hypo. It’s upsetting, but they honestly can’t help it.

Having a hypo makes you delirious, not that it's an excuse for calling you those names but he would have had no idea what he was saying.

Does he look after himself diabetes wise or is this a regular occurrence?