Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

he doesnt want our baby

54 replies

Solareclipse44 · 09/07/2020 22:01

i dont know what to do, i am 19 and currently 9 weeks pregnant . the moment i told my boyfriend he left, he told me we wasnt ready..... well he wasnt ready anyway. i have decided to keep the baby with the consiquence of being a single mum but its hard because everyday he is contacting me with intentions to make me change my mind, the moment i say i am still sticking with my decision and keeping the baby he isntantly gets to being mean with horrible messages, i feel like im gaining depression or anxiety and i dont know how to stop stressing . i know stress isnt good for the baby. know any stress relief that could possibly help?

OP posts:
RLEOM · 09/07/2020 22:05

He can't cope with the thought of having a baby. I wouldn't discuss it further with him until it's fully sunken in. He may bury his head in the sand, so be prepared for that.

I hope the pregnancy goes well.

Fairycake2 · 09/07/2020 22:06

If you have made your decision then I suggest you block him and delete him from your life. He's made it clear he doesn't want anything to do with the baby so you need to concentrate on being a single parent. I hope you have lots of support in RL 💐

LittleCabbage · 09/07/2020 22:07

It is your body and your decision. If he sending abusive messages, block him. Do you have support from family or friends?

SummerDayWinterEvenings · 09/07/2020 22:07

@Fairycake2

If you have made your decision then I suggest you block him and delete him from your life. He's made it clear he doesn't want anything to do with the baby so you need to concentrate on being a single parent. I hope you have lots of support in RL 💐
This. Get real support from real friends.
pallasathena · 09/07/2020 22:13

You've got this.
Block, delete and practise becoming a strong woman with strong boundaries who doesn't do flaky wannabe dickheads.
And congratulations. You'll be a wonderful mother to your beautiful baby. Flowers

ilikemethewayiam · 09/07/2020 22:17

How old is your BF? You are very young but I respect your decision to go ahead with the pregnancy. It is your choice. He probably does not want the financial responsibility for a child which is understandable if he is young. Unfortunately he IS responsible as he chose to have sex knowing a baby can result unless he took his own separate precautions. He should have put a condom on it if he didn’t want a baby. He’s made his position clear and you’ve made yours. You’ve told him you’re not going to change your mind. Stop talking to him. Stop answering the phone to him or texts. There is nothing more to say. If he gets physically threatening involve the police etc.

Vodkacranberryplease · 09/07/2020 22:20

If I didn't want a baby and someone tried to force me to I would be furious. So for you it's all hearts and fluffy flowers but for him it's massive responsibility at a young age, being expected to hand over a ton of money for the next 18 years and being expected to 'step up' to something he didn't ask for.

You need to keep him out of it if you want this baby. I'm sorry. I understand how hurtful this is but it's your dream not his. To him this is just an awful nightmare.

MMmomDD · 09/07/2020 22:20

Of course he isn’t ready. Why should he be -
you are both still teenagers and having a child so early in life changes life trajectory quite drastically.
You’d be missing on so much of your youth. And doing it as a single parent is harder than you can imagine.
What is your plan - how are you planning to support yourself and the baby?

Crystalspider · 09/07/2020 22:20

A lot of men react to unplanned pregnancies like this, ignore his horrible messages but when the shock wears off, he might come around, it is possible. This happened to me and my ex was the same, wanting me to have an abortion but I went ahead, a month later we got back together, he was a bit in denial until the baby was born but I stayed with him for another 18 years.
You may not get back together but he might come round to the idea of being in his child's life so blocking is a bit harsh.

Delbelleber · 09/07/2020 22:22

Just for your peace of mind about the baby, I had a very stressful pregnancy due to my ex but I have a very happy little baby who smiles all the time!

Morechocmorechoc · 09/07/2020 22:28

Dont respond to him until he says something pleasant. Tell him he broke up with you and needs to leave you in peace. Then you just find a way to step back from him. He will continue to bully you if you let him. Its hard being so young and baby hormones will make it tricky if you love him. Right now though he made his choice so don't let him get you down, just don't communicate

dreamcatch · 09/07/2020 22:31

I've NC for this as it's probably outing

I got pregnant at 19, I decided to keep the baby no matter what my partner thought. I had a ft job and family support. As it was we stayed together for a while but I was a lone parent from when my dc was 18m old.

He is 20 now, and a very well adjusted adult, with several siblings on both sides.

Do you have any family support? What about your bf family, what do his parents think? Even if he doesn't want to be involved, they might.

It did not ruin my life, it did not hinder me in any way. If you want to keep your baby then there is help out there for you. But you have to be prepared to do it on your own. Do not let anyone coerce you into doing something you don't want to do... you may well regret a termination but I don't think there's many people who regret their dc, no matter what circumstance brought them into existence.

At the end of the day, it's your body and your decision. Good luck x

Carouselfish · 09/07/2020 22:43

He has shown his true colours. Don't base any decisions about your future and the future of your baby on a horrible, childish person's threats and nastiness. He has opted out, he now gets to leave you alone. That's all.

Vodkacranberryplease · 09/07/2020 22:46

Carousel fish it's not true colours or he's a nasty person. He's a teenager and doesnt want a baby!

Thehop · 09/07/2020 22:53

Assume you’re on your own and make your plans. Get support from family.

shas19 · 09/07/2020 23:30

I could of wrote this 6 years ago. Block. Delete, do not engage. You've made your choice and chose your path and hes not joining you. You will be fine!

SandyY2K · 09/07/2020 23:30

You're 19...that's very young and if you want to have the baby, accept that it's a journey you have to make without him.

I hope you've thought it through...one question though...if you were your baby, would you be happy to be born and feel confident that you'll have a good life?

User533633 · 09/07/2020 23:40

@dreamcatch

To give the advice that "you may regret a termination but there's not many people regret their DC" is wrong ... So all terminations are a mistake? That is terrible advice. And I had a child at 20. You say to the OP not to let anyone coerce her into a decision. Well that works both ways.

dreamcatch · 09/07/2020 23:44

@User533633 wheeler did I say that? I say the OP may regret a termination, especially if coerced into it by her “boyfriend”.

I’ve had a termination, I do not regret it. But the possibility of regret is real, as seen so many times on threads here where op’s have been bullied into it by so called partners.

Don’t put words in my mouth.

dreamcatch · 09/07/2020 23:45

*where, no idea where wheeler came into it

User533633 · 09/07/2020 23:45

You literally said exactly what I said. Reread your post.

Pacif1cDogwood · 09/07/2020 23:47

He's telling you who he is - listen to him.

You've got this shit handled.
Don't engage with him.
He has made his choice.

I hope your pregnancy goes well and you have RL support from people who truly love and value you Flowers

dreamcatch · 09/07/2020 23:47

And actually, if we’re talking about coercion then there are a lot of posters here alluding to the fact that the OP’s baby won’t have a good life if she chooses to go it alone.

It’s her decision. From the OP it looks like she wants to go ahead with the pregnancy so I am offering support and my own life experience.

Monty27 · 09/07/2020 23:51

OP as your mind is made up and good for you, tell him to back off with his negative impact. He needs to calm down because he really doesn't have a choice in this decision. It's probably a shock reaction.
Don't take his calls for now.
Congratulations Smile

dreamcatch · 09/07/2020 23:52

@User533633 I have, you replied that I said that “all terminations are a mistake”. I didn’t say that at all.

I’m not prepared to argue with you on a thread where the OP clearly wants to continue with her pregnancy. Maybe you’re projecting a bit? I don’t know. I’m sure if you don’t think your termination was a mistake (as I, at 17, didn’t think mine was) then we made good decisions. The OP said she wants to continue with her pregnancy and I don’t wish her to be coerced into something she may regret under pressure from a partner who is being nasty and borderline coercive.

Her body, her choice.