Like wtf! Totally confused and dont get it!

[Astonsmum1]

Hey guys, so I've started the world of online dating about 4 weeks ago, was talking to this guy for the past 4 weeks, we met up last week for the first time, great first date, then had our 2nd lastnight, also a great date. He stayed at mine, w laughing all the time, conversation never gets boring, he always texts me first and phones me, sometimes a few times a day, I made a point of thinking nope I'm not being full on and doing the chasing cause it never gets me anywhere. He says I'm great that he loves my company, then when he goes home today after being at mine and after giving me a huge kiss and cuddle before leaving and saying I'll see you friday, he tells me he doesnt think we have a future even though he really likes me etc, it just doesnt feel right. Like wtf??!!! So I spoke to him and was like I'm just taking things a day at a time, how can you tell after 2 dates and especially if you're saying that you actually like me and like spending time with me, he was just like I dont think you're the one for me. So I was like listen ok not begging you, I'm the kind of person that takes risks and chances and I believed that the way things were going was positive. I just dont get how after 2 great dates he can think that way?? See if we didnt get on and there were awkward silences ok I could get it, but I just dont get this and I'm confused as hell. He said hes going to text me later after hes thought about things. He said he still wants to see me etc he just doesnt think I'm the one. Does this make any sense to anyone cause I have gone from a total high to a total low now and questioning everything and my behaviour, when he is the one who like I said texts me all the time, phones me, told his family about me, told his friends about me, so what the hell.have I done? Please be kind I'm fragile . Xx

[Raella50]

Nooo don’t reply!

[Smallsteps88]

I made a point of thinking nope I'm not being full on and doing the chasing cause it never gets me anywhere

And yet the first time a man tells you he’s not interested that’s exactly what you do!

Do you know what the correct response is to someone who tells you you’re not the one? It’s “toodlepip bucko” and then you trot on to your next date. You don’t waste any time or energy asking them to explain themselves which ultimately means either explaining what they find wrong with you or them lying and pretending they want you as a friend and have commitment issues.

I have gone from a total high to a total low now and questioning everything and my behaviour

Is that fun? Dating should be fun. If it isn’t- do it differently. See all this back and forth stuff you’re doing with him now about what his mate said and what your mate said? It’s bullshit. You’re just dragging out the inevitable because you already know the truth- you aren’t his one. So just block him now and move on. 4 weeks and a shag isnt worth you feeling shit and questioning your behaviour.

[Gohackyourself]

You need to stop engaging with him as @Chungus said it’s just stroking his ego and he’s just trying to keep engaging with you.im sure his mate didn’t tell him he’s and idiot for dumping a woman after sex after 2 dates.
Also your way too invested in this one guy.
You said you are back in the dating game, put this down to experience, you have to kiss a lot an I mean a lot of frogs before you find a prince nowadays on internet dating.
I met my dp online, he messaged the day I’d gone online to delete my account because there were just too many frogs.
On my dates it was said to me by numerous guys that there’s a lot of women who also just go online dating for a shag, lots of women invite men over with kids in the house etc that they’ve never met just for a shag, so it goes both ways.Thats why I say hold off on the sex ( and the biggest reason is health reasons atm) , but when all said and done you are going to do what your going to do, but this was a steep learning curve, don’t over invest.Keep safe and healthy.

[footprintsintheslow]

Stop entertaining by with messaging. Ghost him now.

[footprintsintheslow]

Should've read: stop entertaining him by messaging

[SillyMoomin]

Seriously; stop messaging him with the “my friends says...”

You sound like you’re 12 in a playground whispering about the boys playing football

Block him and take more time next time

[popcornlover]

@Astonsmum1

He sounds really annoying and confusing! Typical of some men...

[PerfectionistProcrastinator]

Don’t waste you’re time here OP, this is classic and common user behaviour. I have experienced this 2 times by men who seemed really into me. And I’d hazard a guess that most of us have experienced it.

They string you along and keep you hoping. Translated it means something like, I like you and want to have sex with you and possibly even “the girlfriend experience”...but I don’t want to be in a relationship with you, no matter what mixed signals I send 🙃.

Don’t chase this one, it won’t end well.

[hellsbellsmelons]

He's totally played you.
He's a fucking asshole.
Be glad he showed his true colours so soon.
Block him now and ignore any attempts at contact.
He wanted a shag and now he's gone.
This is all very normal with OLD.
You are going to have to grow a very thick skin.
It's not you! It's HIM!
If you try to continue this he will mess with your head.
Don't allow that.
Take back control and block, ignore, delete!

[Chocolate123]

He's keeping you dangling in case the others he's lined up doesn't work out and he needs another shag. You need to block move on and learn from the experience.

[ChristmasCarcass]

“My mate says X what does your mate say?”

Fucking hell, dump him for this alone. Are you both twelve? Who gives a fuck what his mates think?

[Middersweekly]

Blimey he’s a head fuck! Totally bin this indecisive idiot. Draw a line under it and move on.

[litterbird]

He got what he wanted. He shagged you, didn't get the feels, so decided not to pursue anymore. Anyone has a right to do that. Now, I suggest you go straight to get a Covid test done and an STI. I would isolate from all of your friends and family until the Covid test comes back. Treat this as a big learning curve.

[LHMBF]

He's taking the piss, block him

[FloEve48]

He’s an arsehole!
I too have been in a similar situation and it really hurt me. To the point I questioned everything about myself. Why wasn’t I good enough for him? Etc.
They are really good saying the right things aren’t they?
The thing that confuses me is how they keep you sweet. It messes with your head! If they are not interest then fine fuck off then! Wankers! (I’m still angry about it! )

[Grobagsforever]

@litterbird - stop shaming the OP are you also so misogynistic? At no point did she suggest it was unprotected sex, she doesn't need an STI test. As for COVID - with community infections at less than one in 2000 she also doesn't have rational, scientific grounds for a getting a test or isolation.

Now pop back to your presumably smug married world and stop being so unpleasant

[gotothecooler]

he has kept messaging me asking what my best friend said about it all, said his best friend told.him he was a fkn idiot and should have given it a chance. I said my friend thinks you've played me which he is denying of course.

Why did you even reply to that?

Surely 'what does your mate think' is reserved for giggly school children

[Joker123]

“What does your best mate think? This is what my best mate thinks”

Sounds like a game OP.

Don’t allow yourself to be tortured by this fool. It’s already off on the wrong foot, if he decides he’s going to give it a chance, you’re never going to feel comfortable.

I would walk away if I were you.

[Joker123]

@Grobagsforever 👏🏻

[litterbird]

@Grobagsforever I have had 2 people I know die of Covid. I am neither smug nor married.

[hellsbellsmelons]

he has kept messaging me asking what my best friend said about it all
'My best friend thinks you're a fucking cunt. But I didn't need her to tell me that. It's bloody obvious to me too! Now off you fuck. I'm not wasting any more of my precious time on you.'
Then block!

[anotherdisaster]

OP i think you need to have more respect for yourself. This man has literally told you that you're not 'the one' after sleeping with you and yet you are allowing him to continue keeping you dangling. You either like someone, or you don't!!
Also, if he genuinely just wasn't sure yet, he wouldn't have said anything at all and just kept seeing you until he was sure. The fact he has told you yet is still hanging about, tells me he is playing mind games. Not great after 2 dates is it!
Text him and tell him you;ve decided he's not the one, then block.

[dontdisturbmenow]

It could something that is very insignificant to you but important to him.

Someone posted a few days ago about not dating someone because of the shoes he was wearing and that was enough to decide he wasn't worth seeing. Someone mentioned that she couldn't be with someone who didn't wash their hands after going to the toilet.

Sadly there might be something that came to light which for him was radical turn off but he won't tell you because it would be hurtful and make him come across as a fool.

Ultimately, if you did or didn't do something on that night that was a clear no no for him, it would have happened anyway. Easier now than later if you'd got really attached.

[Sunshineandflipflops]

Write him off. Hopefully you enjoyed your couple of dates and chatting to him and you may have had a learning experience from the whole thing so not a complete waste of time. I like to learn from things rather than regret them.

When I was new into OLD I was contacted by a man. Didn't find him particularly attractive so ignored his message...he sent another and another (not stalkerish or creepy, actually quite funny) so I eventually replied and agreed to go on a date with him. Had a lovely first date and felt a bit of chemistry. We went on a second date which was also good and he gave me a lift home and one thing led to another, all great, said lots of lovely things to me, etc.

He then ghosted me. I was new int OLD and not that long out of a marriage so took it quite personally but I lowered my expectations after that about what to expect from men I went on dates with.

I met a few more nice men but no long term relationship prospects until I met my bf 11 months ago. We were both very clear about what we wanted and there was no game playing.

You do need quite a tough skin for OLD as it's very easy for men (and women) to swipe onto the next profile for any or no reason.

[Grobagsforever]

@litterbird

Sorry for your loss. But that doesn't mean it's ok to shame the OP. She did nothing wrong.