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Original poster

Cancelling 1st date after extra pics

63 replies

Zayn1 · 07/07/2020 15:09

Hi all, im a dedicated reader of these threads and have never started my own but could really do with a bit of wisdom please...so im newish to OLD and matched with someone who seemed really nice. He has seen my pics of my profile and seemed keen to meet. We arranged a coffee and a walk tomorrow, location and time confirmed. Then he asks for another pic as he had sent me one that was taken in his office that morning. So i sent a recent pic where i look the same as in my profile pics as my profile pics are all very recent and i get a message about 5 mins later saying although i look nice and seem nice, im not his type and therefore will cancel Hmm
I have had a few dates with people that i have met online and nothing negative has ever been mentioned about my appearance or looking like a different person in real life. In fact the last date told me i look younger in real life which was a bit of a confidence boost 😀
Im overthinking this now but surely he knows what i looked like before arranging the date and 5 mins after seeing a very similar pic, now im not his type!! Feeling a bit rubbish tbh and wondering if anyone has had anything similar. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Zayn1 · 07/07/2020 15:10

Sorry its so long!!

OP posts:
ChristmasFluff · 07/07/2020 15:12

Sounds like he was looking for a reason to back out - or he gets off on negging women.

Don't give him a second thought except to be glad you dodged him.

Whattodotho · 07/07/2020 15:12

Maybe his awkward way of bailing and trying to put it on you. You can't really come back from your not my type.

SenorPeabodyEsq · 07/07/2020 15:14

This is what we call dodging a bullet!

Original poster
Zayn1 · 07/07/2020 15:18

Thanks all, feel a bit better!! Happened this morning and have been thinking about it ever since

OP posts:
Bert2020 · 07/07/2020 15:19

Agree you dodged a bullet and saved your precious time! Someone worthy of you will be along.

Msyoganidra32 · 07/07/2020 15:29

Probably like most on there not really single and after an ego boost . Which site was it Op? Also you may want to read the dating thread on here useful tips

Original poster
Zayn1 · 07/07/2020 15:37

It was bumble. Am new to the app and matched with a couple and arranged a date with this one as he seemed super keen and was the one asking to meet for coffee.

Will find the dating thread as i think i have alot to learn!! Thank you

OP posts:
Mightymaniac1 · 07/07/2020 15:52

That is horrible, what a loser. Hope your ok x

PatsyJStone · 07/07/2020 16:01

My Friend was asked for a full length picture. Obviously checking out her figure. Just put it to the back of your mind and move on.

Whenonedoorcloses · 07/07/2020 16:04

Please don't give this chap anymore headspace. I have recently joined OLD and it really does require thick skin, there are some seriously odd people out there. Please don't start analysing yourself every time you look in that mirror just because this chap decided to cancel. Dust yourself off, and on to the next one 😉

Headandheart · 07/07/2020 16:05

At least you know now before you turn up and waste your time and get the ‘no spark’ text.

AnaViaSalamanca · 07/07/2020 16:16

@Zayn1 why did you send the photo in the first place? You are not some merchandise and he is not buying something to need extra photos of the product. It would ring alarm bells for me if someone does this - at the very minimum they are too much into looks. Or like other PP was saying, he may get off on negging women.

Bullet dodged indeed

Ginbunny1212 · 07/07/2020 16:17

Wouldn’t worry. Some men use any excuse to get out of dates. A lot seem to use old as an ego boost or troll. I once matched with a guy and the chat was good and positive. Suddenly he says we wouldn’t be a good match and wishes me good luck. Then he messages me again saying I wasn’t nice looking and in fact needed all the luck in the world. Next message was nasty saying I was ugly and be glad he matched me as I needed cosmetic help

I know I am not the most prettiest personality in the world, but that was uncalled for and nasty.

LittleHelpFromMySplitEnds · 07/07/2020 16:22

Just reply that another Bumble member got in touch to say he has a small penis and that you were not interested in him either. That will stay with a man forever.

Sillymee · 07/07/2020 16:23

Sounds like an attention seeker, prob speaks to person to person messaging and arranging dates then making excuses last minute! He’s probably 15 years older, 5 stone heavier weirdo sat at home using false pictures- I wouldn’t worry, if he didn’t like what he saw he wouldn’t have matched with you to start with! Xx

RunningAwaywiththeCircus · 07/07/2020 16:24

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Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

rvby · 07/07/2020 16:24

I would put money on him doing this as a tactic to locate vulnerable women.

He wanted to see if you'd beg and plead for him to meet with you despite your "flaws", if you'd tell him what you don't like about your appearance, etc. so that he could tell you'd put up with abuse, with the added bonus that he'd know what to be nasty to you about, for maximum pain.

Bullet dodged but I'm sorry that his behaviour hurt you Sad i think it was designed to, unfortunately.

ResumetonormalASAP · 07/07/2020 16:25

@Zayn1

What a prat he is.... I think he sounds like one of these who change mind at last minute... it could be that HIS pictures are not recent (some people have really old pictures) and he saw yours and thought heck she is gorgeous and her pictures are real.... then bottled it.

Or you just dodged a bullet with an oddball.

Don't worry over it... OLD is very odd. I separated from a very long marriage last year and tried OLD - some very odd men on there! You will come across all sorts including the dreadful 'ghosters'...basically cowards who just 'vanish' you chat away quite happy and then no reply.... some apparently do it after dates or sex and never say why or goodbye just 'disappear'.... odd cowards. At least he told you and didn't just disappear or worse leave you there at the date and not turn up...

I'm not pretty at all, but my pictures were real, unfiltered and recent. I chatted to one chap and he sent a couple more pictures and he suddenly had lost his hair and aged years...his profile pictures were 15 years old - now that is weird!

Good luck - long reply - don't worry any more about it....move onto the next one..

Original poster
Zayn1 · 07/07/2020 16:25

Thank you all, good to read all your replies.

Anavia..i guess being new to OLD i thought it was the normal thing to do and it was practically the same pic as he has seen before. But lesson learned so thank you

Ginbunny...thats awful, was sorry to read what you went through

OP posts:
LHMBF · 07/07/2020 16:40

So sorry, what an idiot. His loss. I'm so glad I no longer have to use online dating and have my DP. A few years ago I had a guy messaging me, he also asked for another pic. When I sent it he replied that I look different in it compared to my others, and that I looked fat. He asked my size, I said 10 - 12, he then said that's fat and he only likes a size 8 or less! He also said he wouldn't date anyone with stretch marks as it was gross! I told him well I'm that case take a glossy magazine out on a date!

RunningAwaywiththeCircus · 07/07/2020 16:46

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

LHMBF · 07/07/2020 16:49

@RunningAwaywiththeCircus 😂

PumpkinP · 07/07/2020 16:54

I think posters are over thinking it, I don’t think he was checking to see if you’re vulnerable most likely it was his way of checking out your body, I heard of men wanting to see more pics before meeting to check if you are overweight.

butterpuffed · 07/07/2020 17:15

Just reply 'Phew, what a relief. I thought the same about you but was too polite to mention'