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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cancelling 1st date after extra pics

63 replies

Zayn1 · 07/07/2020 15:09

Hi all, im a dedicated reader of these threads and have never started my own but could really do with a bit of wisdom please...so im newish to OLD and matched with someone who seemed really nice. He has seen my pics of my profile and seemed keen to meet. We arranged a coffee and a walk tomorrow, location and time confirmed. Then he asks for another pic as he had sent me one that was taken in his office that morning. So i sent a recent pic where i look the same as in my profile pics as my profile pics are all very recent and i get a message about 5 mins later saying although i look nice and seem nice, im not his type and therefore will cancel Hmm
I have had a few dates with people that i have met online and nothing negative has ever been mentioned about my appearance or looking like a different person in real life. In fact the last date told me i look younger in real life which was a bit of a confidence boost 😀
Im overthinking this now but surely he knows what i looked like before arranging the date and 5 mins after seeing a very similar pic, now im not his type!! Feeling a bit rubbish tbh and wondering if anyone has had anything similar. Thanks

OP posts:
ShebaShimmyShake · 07/07/2020 17:17

He's a negging twat, ignore and thank God you didn't waste more time.

CrazyToast · 07/07/2020 17:18

It's possible that he decided you were too lovely and he wasn't confident enough to meet you due to his own issues! Better off not bothering with him, for sure.

Herecomethehotstepper · 07/07/2020 17:24

@RunningAwaywiththeCircus I'd say you dodged a cannonball there with Ayn Rand guy 😂😂

Original poster
Zayn1 · 07/07/2020 17:25

Thanks for all the replies, shocking to read what some of you have experienced with OLD...size 10-12 is not fat!!

PumpkinP - i wish i could confirm that its a case of finding me overweight as im a size 10 and pretty tall. There is a full length one on my profile too!!

I guess it is his loss totally!! I wish i could say onwards and upwards like i would to anyone else but this online dating really does make you feel a bit crap!! x

OP posts:
Original poster
Zayn1 · 07/07/2020 17:27

That came out wrong lol!! What i want to say is im not overweight in my pics at a size 10 and being tall 😂😂

OP posts:
Bridget64 · 07/07/2020 17:29

@Ginbunny1212

What an awful person, so vile. You know it wasn't you because there was never the need to say those things. I'm sorry. He was cruel.

Bridget64 · 07/07/2020 17:32

I took a long time for me to like how I look. OLD sounds brutal. I hope to never need to use it. Good luck everyone on it though, and remember , only you gets to decide your worth. Not some guy you don't even know.

RunningAwaywiththeCircus · 07/07/2020 17:34

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

crimsonlake · 07/07/2020 17:35

One man I met asked if I had lost eight as I looked fat in one of my profile pictures? Really...I have always been a size 10 - 12. Some people are just crazy, put it out of your mind and move on.

Raella50 · 07/07/2020 17:36

He sounds like a prize praT. What a relief not to be going on a date with him and waste precious time on that.

emilybrontescorsett · 07/07/2020 17:47

There are some sad bastards around.
There is no need to be rude.
I would reply " I'm sooooo relieved. You are not my type either. I 'm looking for a man in sexually attracted to and that's not you. " Then block him and move on.

JingsMahBucket · 07/07/2020 18:05

@RunningAwaywiththeCircus
I am less interesting than a PHD in Ayn Rand.

OH DEAR GOD. You definitely dodged a bullet there. The Ayn Rand lovers are grade A assholes and sexists. Think they're the smartest people in the room but actually haven't progressed past basic school civics classes.

JingsMahBucket · 07/07/2020 18:09

@Zayn1 btw, if you haven't done it already, I'd block the jerk so you don't have to see anymore messages from him. I have a feeling he would come crawling back if anything just to troll you. Beware of those types.

Fatted · 07/07/2020 18:15

Am I the only one who thinks he was probably hoping for some pictures showing a bit more flesh or something?! I think he was hoping for something more on the date. Block and move on OP. You're well rid.

JingsMahBucket · 07/07/2020 18:24

@Fatted good point. When he received a standard picture he probably figured out that he wasn't going to get his jollies from the OP and called it quits.

blisstwins · 07/07/2020 18:35

Let it go. Unless there was a gross mismatch between your profile pictures and the new one,which there was not, this is on him. I am American and there is a quotation from Eleanor ROosevelt we refer to in situations like this: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." You do not know this man. Pay him no mind.

Confusedbutheyho · 07/07/2020 18:37

You’ve dodged a bullet.

In fact, he may have felt he wasn’t good enough for you and felt insecure.

ShebaShimmyShake · 07/07/2020 18:38

Some men just use OLD as an outlet to be rude and abusive to women. It's tempting to call them out, but they want a reaction, any reaction, so the best thing you can do is radio silence and block. And report to the website on the off chance it'll help. Don't give them what they want.

Original poster
Zayn1 · 07/07/2020 18:49

Thanks all, i did block him straight away. I thanked him for his honesty and blocked as I have no intention of speaking to him again if he wanted. I just dont get why he would waste his own time chatting and arranging a date (we were meant to meet at 5.30 and then he said he can take the day off work and meet whenever i wanted to) and then cancelled!!
@Fatted you may be right, i didnt think of that. But did he seriously think a 3 quid coffee and a walk and then he could get his leg over 😂😂😂
I think my OLD experience will be shortlived in thats the case 😂😂

But seriously, thanks for all the replies as have made me feel so much better

OP posts:
MsJinks · 07/07/2020 18:53

I’ve been asked for further pics - and the guy said he was glad as it confirmed I looked every year and much more of my 53 years and the profile pic hadn’t been clear on that - now he knew I looked so old he wasn’t interested - I just said ok, no problem, but he repeated himself a couple of times to ‘help’ me understand I was old and unattractive 🙄 Honestly, I don’t get that offended, but I have been worried about putting a pic online this time around due to that and trying to ensure I show how old I look - I’ve seen dick pics, been told I’m unattractive, psycho!?, etc but this old thing did get to me. I now realise it’s just another thing for weirdos to do and be weird about. OP it’s a gutter full of bugs and nasty bugs, but sometimes you can find a nice, normal and friendly bug so don’t give up, just get a bit hardened to the worst of it - I used to say it makes a good work story if not a good chat/date!

Cuddling57 · 07/07/2020 19:02

I think he probably does this a lot to make people feel bad about themselves. Some people are so awful. It reflects on him - not you.
Just roll your eyes, feel sorry for the idiot with no hope and move on.

LemonPeonies · 07/07/2020 19:17

He probably realised he was punching, so said that to protect his ego. I've had some weirdos on Tinder a few years ago. One guy deleted his profile after we chatted a few times, added me on Facebook and if I took longer than 2 minutes to answer his messages accused me of talking to other guys!! I even said to him, massive red flag fuck this and blocked him!

PinkyBrain · 07/07/2020 19:18

It could be that he is feeling insecure about himself after looking at your picture op, you’ll probably never find out the reason so don’t give him another thought. I hope you meet someone nice soon.

singswithitsfingers · 07/07/2020 19:24

His loss! There are idiots in OLD just as there are everywhere. But there are also good 'uns...married nearly 10 years to mine (match.com)! Keep on keeping on and best of luck

singswithitsfingers · 07/07/2020 19:25

His loss! There are idiots in OLD just as there are everywhere. But there are also good 'uns...married nearly 10 years to mine (match.com)! Keep on keeping on and best of luck