Sexual coercion

[teaandsconesagain]

How do you define it?
I'm not sure if I experienced it during my marriage of twenty years .

It spread to being expected to rear the kids in my own and all the domestic drudge even though I also worked full time.
He was really disinterested in the kids and had to be asked to do anything with them and that role
My heart. My marriage was an act. He wanted me and only me , for himself and for his enjoyment . I see that now . This is so therapeutic to type and thanks for reading. I was an actor, pretending to like care and respect him
Whereas deep down he repulsed me and I didnt find him attractive for years so I blamed myself. What an awful time .

Whereas deep down he repulsed me and I didnt find him attractive for years so I blamed myself. What an awful time .

@teaandsconesagain I really relate to this too- feeling guilty for being repulsed by him! Mine wasn't interested in the kids at all either still made all the threats of going for 50/50 custody though- funny how that's not materialised

This is very cathartic to read and share.

It really is thanks so very much . To be able to be honest and truthful in an anonymous forum is so helpful.
I really felt bad as I blamed myself for pushing him into the arms of another woman. Just need to it off the wine now. It became a horrible coping mechanism.

Thank you for starting this thread, sorry it's happened to you. I was in a sexually coercive relationship too, I can't really understand how I tolerated it. Sex every night, sometimes I would just fall asleep and let him do it I was so tired, or I'd be crying, trying to get me to use porn, do things that were frankly hideous (and I've had a fairly adventurous sex life) that I'd try and wriggle out of. Otherwise sulking, pleading, all the rest of it. It's unimaginable now that I put up with it, I can't quite work out what I was thinking at the time. Eventually I thought he was going to kill me one night and that finally made me see sense. It's weird though because I think it took me quite a long time to see it as abuse rather than something I'd actually agreed to.

I'm So pleased that this is a safe space for people to air their experiences and share to heal.

I'm So pleased that this is a safe space for people to air their experiences and share to heal.

It's weird though because I think it took me quite a long time to see it as abuse rather than something I'd actually agreed to.

I almost saw it as a personal failure at times, or was disappointed that I couldn't bring myself to do the things that pleased him.

But eventually as he got less of what he wanted, the nagging and manipulation became so full on and blatant, I didn't see it as my issue anymore (especially with the help of a thread I made here) but realized that he was nasty in a lot of ways, and exploitative. Literally the first words out of his mouth when we met up sometimes were trying to get some sort of sex.

Been there too OP, its left me with psychological damage and I don't ever want to be a close to another man again. I've gone off sex and can't see me being the same again. My ex was always putting his fingers inside me whilst I was sleeping. Then when I brought it up he used to fly off the handle at me. He was constantly sulking, moaning, and begging for sex and couldn't grasp that him treating me so so horrifically for years contributed to my plummeting drive. Bet he doesn't even give it a second thought now we're separated whereas I still bear the mental scars.

I'm so sorry you went through this. Nobody deserves it.

Thanks. He wasn't that rapey but I'm sorry you went through this .he never raped me . I died down there for a year but would like sex again and now I feel
Conflicted because I enjoy it so much, I'm open to pretty much anything because I feel freedom yet I feel worried that despite me being so open to sexual adventure that my boundaries will be crossed if that makes sense .
I am comfortable with my body despite being two stone overweight ! I am comfortable with sex now even though I haven't had it yet . I am
Looking forward to it very much but nervous too if that makes sense .

Thanks. He wasn't that rapey but I'm sorry you went through this .he never raped me . I died down there for a year but would like sex again and now I feel
Conflicted because I enjoy it so much, I'm open to pretty much anything because I feel freedom yet I feel worried that despite me being so open to sexual adventure that my boundaries will be crossed if that makes sense .
I am comfortable with my body despite being two stone overweight ! I am comfortable with sex now even though I haven't had it yet . I am
Looking forward to it very much but nervous too if that makes sense .

I feel worried that despite me being so open to sexual adventure that my boundaries will be crossed if that makes sense.

I think all we can do is get to know the person beforehand (though I know that's no guarantee) and see if they seem like an ok person.

And the first time they play up, they're gone.

I suppose you could work out what your boundaries are about sex, write it down etc. Before you have sex with the person you could tell them what you don't tolerate.

I didn't see it as my issue anymore (especially with the help of a thread I made here

I do think if MN had been around when I experienced it I would have got out sooner!

@TabbyStar I was starting to think it wasn't ok but needed others to confirm it or something. He got ridiculous towards the end so it became easier too see over the course of the thread. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3800172-Is-it-ok-for-a-lover-to-ask-repeatedly-for-sex-acts-he-knows-you-dont-want

*to. Although it was too, too much.