Fifty and absolutely no sex drive

[Florist1970]

Just that really, I've tried ignoring it, knowing the menapause and all that. Expect I have no other symptoms, no hot flashes, no mood swings, just an absolute non feeling for sex. No desire for my OH even though he is gorgeous, no kids around ,they are late teens, on there way out. I just feel nothing, and I hate it. I have always loved sex, intamacy, feeling desirable but now this last year it leaves me cold. Not even turned on when we have sex, just go through the motions to keep normal. Am I the only one? What on earth has happened to me? I'm so sad about it.

You are not the only one OP. This is me! As soon as I hit the big M my desire dropped to zero! I have a lovely DH who is fun. We had a great sex life. I was pretty horny most of the time. We have a lovely life, kids gone. I was so depressed about when it happened I discussed It with my GP and went on HRT for 5 years. Bingo it all went back to near normal. Back to feeling horny and having enjoyable sex again. Then a young male locum GP told me to come off it as it was risky. I followed his advice but regret it. I’ve slumped back to zero desire again. I feel the same way you do. Very very sad, like all that was good about life is gone. I won’t go back to my GP right now due to COVID so it’s really getting me down. I’m actually feeling a bit depressed at the thought of never having that feeling again. No one tells you about this! It’s not ‘just one of those things’ that you accept when you get older! I don’t accept it. It’s SO important in life. I don’t really have any helpful advice OP but just to let you know you are definitely not alone.

Oh God, me too!!! Is there any hope? I’m taking oestrogen, but still nothing!

You maybe aren’t taking enough oestrogen. I was like this and I paid to go see a private consultant hormone specialist. Best money ever spent. Google “menopause hormone consultant” research who is the best. Dr Helen Fawcett is an expert. She knows about sex and getting zing back. You know you need testosterone supplements too right? That’s what makes you want to have sex. I apply a gel 5 times a week. Don’t let men GPs who haven’t studied this stuff tell you what to do with your body! Sign up to the brutish menopause society. Follow menopause groups on Facebook and Twitter. I personally don’t care if there is a slight risk to hrt. My choice. I’d rather have an energetic fulfilled life. It’s better than being dead from the waist down. I’ll take my chances and in the meantime have the best life.

Yeah, in my late 40s I wanted to want to have sex, but you could have put an orgy in front of me and my attention would have wandered to the sofa they were doing it on! I did also have other things - mood issues, night sweats - but the libido thing was the kicker. Googled "hrt for libido" and went to see one of the woman GPs at the surgery . It definitely helped me.

Yup. Me too. I get so down thinking that in effect my sex life is finished at 52. I am considering going to GP, when Covid is over, and intrigued by testosterone gel. Do you apply it to skin?

Why are you not using GP services for goodness sake? They are there to get used still! So many GPS I know are twiddling their thumbs. You can do video consultations

Much older than you OP and still have a huge sex drive . I am on HRT plus it stops bits drying up etc 😁

I won’t go back to my GP right now due to COVID

@ilikemethewayiam They can do a consultation over the phone, as you won't need an examination or anything like that. x

@overlooker

@SoulofanAggron

Thanks for some really useful info and advice!

@TheStuffedPenguin

Do you mind me asking how long you’ve been on HRT? Yes I feel all dried up and everything hurts, all my joints ache, I have a constant dry mouth, the list goes on. I’m late 50’s and I literally feel like an 80 year old ☹️

No one has to suffer like this at all. Aside from oestrogen gel, there’s testosterone gel and vaginal oestrogen. Libido apart, vaginal and clitoral atrophy is a potential problem too. Taking hrt under the age of 60 has a net benefit in Health terms for women, reduced risk of osteoporosis and cardiovascular disease.

Bear in mind that the hooha study about hrt being risky has been seriously debunked. GPs should follow the Nice guidelines for menopause when prescribing hrt www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng23

I’d recommend looking up Dr Louise Newson. She has lots of resources in an easily digestible format, YouTube, Instagram, books. www.menopausedoctor.co.uk/

I think the best thing we can do is educate ourselves and demand proper treatment from GPs.

My personal experience is that I have never felt so well, have never had such a consistent non fluctuating hormone level, never had such a good sense of general well being in my adult life. My DH isn’t interested in sex but that’s a whole other thread.

[quote ilikemethewayiam]@TheStuffedPenguin

Do you mind me asking how long you’ve been on HRT? Yes I feel all dried up and everything hurts, all my joints ache, I have a constant dry mouth, the list goes on. I’m late 50’s and I literally feel like an 80 year old ☹️[/quote]
I was initially on for 5 years then came off when I had a hysterectomy for fibroids . A surgical menopause was even worse and I went back on again . Been on now for 5 years . My doctor says that you can stay on forever . Google Dr Tina Peers.

I would add that if you have the opportunity, exercise, exercise, exercise, really, really hard, as this helps massively if you want to avoid HRT but you still want to boost your libido. Don't know how it works, but it works! Also, cutting out sugar, as this boosts your energy levels. Hope it helps.

I've been on HRT for three years (I'm now 48). Libido has dipped a little, but not too much, no vaginal dryness, and the anxiety and joint pain has disappeared. I was walking like an old woman before I went on it - everything hurt so much. You'd have to prise it out of my hands to get me off it.

Same with me, to the extent that it was spoiling an otherwise great relationship. GPs couldn't have been less interested, but did agree to let me have HRT, although it didn't help and they wouldn't change prescription. I also suffered with depression for the first time in my life and had to take Sertraline which was the final nail in the coffin of my libido.
After 5 years I was refused more HRT, so bought privately. Still on ADs but occasionally self harming by this stage. Turned 65 and private clinic withdrew supplies so found another.
What a transformation! Went on to oestrogen gel combined with progestogen pills and depression lifted almost immediately. Some libido back - not much but enough to keep things on an even keel at home.
It proper pisses me off that no-one takes womens' sexuality seriously and we are expected to just curl up and die when we reach a certain age. Although no problem for men getting their little blue pills over the counter.
Sorry for such a long rant. I may be 67 but I'd no intention of fading away.

Thanks everyone for replying, I am going to look at hormone replacement therapy with my GP, it's not something I would have done , thanks xxx

I went on HRT when I was 44 I’m now 49, felt brilliant when I went on it, except I do gets bouts of IBS which I never experienced before but they say that’s a side effect of my HRT.

My sex drive increased, I actually can’t get enough of it, and I hope it continues.

I will fight tooth and nail to stay on HRT.

I am on HRT at 51, started a few months ago. It's a patch and I love it, feel great all the time, all my menopause symptoms are gone and I'm a horny devil.

Zero here. Has been for 10+ years. 3 GP's all useless, I'm getting nowhere.

Oestrogel has really helped me. Took some tweaking but overall big improvement

I find it utterly depressing how acceptant women are of their health issues if they consider them part of the menopause, or how passive in general so many people are about things like a dwindling sex drive. Take action! Google! Research it! Get a doctor's opinion! See what other women have done and try that!

It doesn't take much research to find out that dwindling sex drive is a symptom of peri/menopause, nor that according to the NICE guidelines you don't need to have changes in your cycle to mean that HRT would be beneficial.

If your GP is useless and you can afford it, try a consultation with a private menopause specialist. I went that route because I couldn't be bothered to go through all the NHS hoop-jumping to get what treatment is rightfully owed to every woman past 45 - it cost me a total of £400 for two appointments over six months before getting my prescription transferred over to the NHS. Was on HRT within two weeks of getting my first hot flush. Sleep transformed, more energy, feel so much better, off anti depressants.

My personal experience is that I have never felt so well, have never had such a consistent non fluctuating hormone level, never had such a good sense of general well being in my adult life.

Is that how men feel all the time, do you think? Is that their secret? It just isn't fair we have to put up with do much hormone-driven bullshit!

Hrt risks can be largely reduced through transdermal patches and gels and the health benefits to women can be significant . I’m not just referring to sexual stuff but also vine and cardiovascular health A lot of gps have very little training on menopause .
Two resources you might find helpful Louise Newson and menopause barbie both have stuff on you tube . Plenty of well researched and informed vids

This is me, but I’m nowhere near menopause I don’t think. Completely uninterested. Could happily never have sex again. It’s strange as I used to love it.

@cheezy

This is me, but I’m nowhere near menopause I don’t think. Completely uninterested. Could happily never have sex again. It’s strange as I used to love it.

Me too. Late 30s and if I never had sex again, I don’t think it would bother me. Sometimes I would go so far as to say it repulses me when we do it 😭