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Original poster

Fifty and absolutely no sex drive

55 replies

Florist1970 · 07/07/2020 01:09

Just that really, I've tried ignoring it, knowing the menapause and all that. Expect I have no other symptoms, no hot flashes, no mood swings, just an absolute non feeling for sex. No desire for my OH even though he is gorgeous, no kids around ,they are late teens, on there way out. I just feel nothing, and I hate it. I have always loved sex, intamacy, feeling desirable but now this last year it leaves me cold. Not even turned on when we have sex, just go through the motions to keep normal. Am I the only one? What on earth has happened to me? I'm so sad about it.

OP posts:
Buddywoo · 27/07/2021 09:06

I am 75 and have been on HRT since I was 40. My GP says I can stay on it for the rest of my life. It's about time doctors got themselves sorted and stopped giving conflicting advice. The case for HRT is proven.

Endofether · 27/07/2021 11:43

@justilou1

Oh God, me too!!! Is there any hope? I’m taking oestrogen, but still nothing!
Ask for a testosterone prescription via GP...
OssieShowman · 27/07/2021 12:13

Same thing here. Turned 50, menopause hit. Went to doctor and she said Testosterone would cause manly features etc.

broke our marriage. Excuse for H to play away, apparently.

Morningsaregreat · 27/07/2021 15:59

@ibelieveinmirrorballs

This 1,000%

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 27/07/2021 17:36

As soon as I started the menopause at 45 my sex drive went bang out of the window. It never came back. I may as well be dead from the neck down.
I begged my GP to help and she just said she didn't have time to discuss this.
In the USA women are given testosterone with their HRT to sort out this problem but it is not licensed over here......why???????
So many marriages could be saved if it was.

Endofether · 27/07/2021 18:00

@Shehasadiamondinthesky you can get at through nhs here or privately ...

DinosaurDiana · 27/07/2021 18:02

Mine has gone too.

Endofether · 27/07/2021 18:05

Mine was def dwindling so I started oestrogel and progesterone last month (mainly for that reason !)

Love it - my gp says can get prescribed T if I want if oestrogen doesn’t sort it totally

Find a gp who knows about menopause and hrt xx

ByTheStarryNight · 27/07/2021 18:43

Mine vanished at 39. I'm now 41, I've been on hrt for 18 months. It has helped my perimenopause symptoms but not my libido unfortunately. I tried testosterone for 10 months, still no effect on libido, but I did get really angry and hairy on it Blush

I'm going back to the GP to beg for help. I'm not spending the next 50 years celibate!

mylovelydd · 27/07/2021 18:46

There is literally no reason to come off HRT. You need oestrogen for your bones. There are lots of good private gynaes that specialise in meno and bioidentical HRT. I have oestrogen implants twice a year (if that now, more usually once a year now because it builds up) and a testosterone implant. I can't have progesterone because of a condition I had. I couldn't survive without it and you don't need to either.
My gynaecologist is a world expert on meno and even though I have BRCA1 and BRCA2 he says that HRT will not increase my risks at all of breast cancer

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 27/07/2021 18:56

I'm definitely in menopause - having hot flushes and haven't had a period for about a year.

My libido has crashed but I'm a sex worker so it's possible I'm just bored of it. My local gp surgery is shit and with the whole Covid situation I've felt like it's not serious enough to take up someone's time. Especially after all the shit this week

YeokensYegg · 27/07/2021 19:21

I tried to talk about HRT but was dismissed saying I was in menopause and don't need it.

SoSo99 · 27/07/2021 19:29

I called my GP to ask about HRT...my main concern was healthy bones in older age...they couldn't have been more helpful (young female GP)...got prescribed patches straight away. Was hoping I'd feel miraculously more youthful and sleep better, but if anything I'm anxious and sleeping worse...very annoying. But hopefully I'll have bones of steel when I'm 80. No change in libido as yet (but it's only been a few weeks)

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 27/07/2021 20:55

I am 50 and still on the pill (Yasmin)

It really helps pmt, mood swings, heavy periods gone, sex drive still there

Guess I’ll have to transition to hrt one day? My mum did not hit meno until her mid 50s… not sure how I’d know I’m in it Grin

Tightwad2020 · 27/07/2021 22:01

I tried to talk about HRT but was dismissed saying I was in menopause and don't need it.

Eh? HRT is for menopausal symptoms.

I've just been issued a new prescription (to include testosterone gel) for HRT via a menopause clinic. My GP referred me because the HRT regime I was on was not dealing with my crashing libido and numb bits (although it has been great for other symptoms). I don't know if it will do the trick, but the point is, HELP IS THERE. Google NICE guidelines for menopause. Go back to your GP brandishing them. You do not have to take no for an answer, and (in the UK) you do not have to fork out £££s for private treatment.

KhalliWhalli · 27/07/2021 22:04

Would the ladies on HRT mind posting what meds they’re on and how much they take? Would really appreciate it. Thanks.

fugginhell · 27/07/2021 22:14

Gosh should I be worried 25 and no sex drive? Blush

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 27/07/2021 22:24

@BurtonHouse

Same with me, to the extent that it was spoiling an otherwise great relationship. GPs couldn't have been less interested, but did agree to let me have HRT, although it didn't help and they wouldn't change prescription. I also suffered with depression for the first time in my life and had to take Sertraline which was the final nail in the coffin of my libido. After 5 years I was refused more HRT, so bought privately. Still on ADs but occasionally self harming by this stage. Turned 65 and private clinic withdrew supplies so found another. What a transformation! Went on to oestrogen gel combined with progestogen pills and depression lifted almost immediately. Some libido back - not much but enough to keep things on an even keel at home. It proper pisses me off that no-one takes womens' sexuality seriously and we are expected to just curl up and die when we reach a certain age. Although no problem for men getting their little blue pills over the counter. Sorry for such a long rant. I may be 67 but I'd no intention of fading away.
Can you advise on how I find a private HRT clinic please?
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 27/07/2021 23:51

[quote Endofether]@Shehasadiamondinthesky you can get at through nhs here or privately ...[/quote]
My GP says it's not available at all in the UK.

Tightwad2020 · 28/07/2021 09:26

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Then your GP is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! Testosterone is not available from a GP, but it can be prescribed ON THE NHS by a menopause specialist i.e. a menopause OP clinic, usually part of the gynae service. Your GP can refer you to a menopause clinic. If there isn't a menopause clinic local to you, then you can be referred to one that will give you a telephone consultation. Lots of OP clinics are doing telephone consultations now because of COVID.

I had a telephone consultation with an NHS menopause clinic yesterday, having asked to try testosterone because of crashing libido. The clinic will issue a new prescription for a tweaked HRT regime which will be:

  • bio-identical progesterone pills - 1 nightly (supposed to be particularly good fo insomnia) - replaces the progesterone element which has been provided by my Mirena coil
  • 50mg oestrogen patch as now
-0.5mg testosterone gel daily - new element
  • increasing the use of Estriol cream to 4-5 times weekly, up from twice weekly.

I will start on this in August, and go to the hospital for blood tests to see how the testosterone levels are building in November. Again, the blood tests could be done by the GP and sent to the hospital, it's not necessary to have a clinic locally to access these services.

Google the NICE guidelines for menopause and wave them at your GP. Find out about a menopause clinic. Do not take no for an answer - your body, your health!

Torres10 · 28/07/2021 09:45

@Tightwad2020, that is a very useful post, thank you!
I am on HRT, which I eventually managed to get by GP to prescribe, though it took a great deal of persistence. However to get testosterone I had to go private. as I understood too, that was the only route!
It just shows how little accurate info is available!
I am now going to try and get a referral on the NHS to see if I can get a prescription for it..wonder how long that will take me!!

Endofether · 28/07/2021 09:48

[quote Tightwad2020]@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Then your GP is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! Testosterone is not available from a GP, but it can be prescribed ON THE NHS by a menopause specialist i.e. a menopause OP clinic, usually part of the gynae service. Your GP can refer you to a menopause clinic. If there isn't a menopause clinic local to you, then you can be referred to one that will give you a telephone consultation. Lots of OP clinics are doing telephone consultations now because of COVID.

I had a telephone consultation with an NHS menopause clinic yesterday, having asked to try testosterone because of crashing libido. The clinic will issue a new prescription for a tweaked HRT regime which will be:

  • bio-identical progesterone pills - 1 nightly (supposed to be particularly good fo insomnia) - replaces the progesterone element which has been provided by my Mirena coil
  • 50mg oestrogen patch as now
-0.5mg testosterone gel daily - new element
  • increasing the use of Estriol cream to 4-5 times weekly, up from twice weekly.

I will start on this in August, and go to the hospital for blood tests to see how the testosterone levels are building in November. Again, the blood tests could be done by the GP and sent to the hospital, it's not necessary to have a clinic locally to access these services.

Google the NICE guidelines for menopause and wave them at your GP. Find out about a menopause clinic. Do not take no for an answer - your body, your health![/quote]
Yeah this is exactly what my gp said - if i want T she will refer me on nhs to meno specialist to prescribe it ..

FatJan · 28/07/2021 10:02

Sorry to crash the thread, I’m not of menopause age yet, but have had virtually no sex drive since my early twenties. I remember feeling much more engaged with life and finding things exciting and fun whereas now I’m just taking things one day at a time due to obligation. I’m not really interested in going out, meeting people or even see friends - I’m exhausted by having to drum up the enthusiasm.

I always (and still partly) think that I lost my sex drive as part of being depressed (not confirmed, just assumed that’s what it was), but now there’s a part of me wondering whether I’m depressed because I’ve lost my sex drive? As in, perhaps I’m no longer producing the level of hormones that made me want to go out and meet people and interact and just have a laugh generally? Is that possible?

Endofether · 28/07/2021 12:35

@FatJan

Sorry to crash the thread, I’m not of menopause age yet, but have had virtually no sex drive since my early twenties. I remember feeling much more engaged with life and finding things exciting and fun whereas now I’m just taking things one day at a time due to obligation. I’m not really interested in going out, meeting people or even see friends - I’m exhausted by having to drum up the enthusiasm.

I always (and still partly) think that I lost my sex drive as part of being depressed (not confirmed, just assumed that’s what it was), but now there’s a part of me wondering whether I’m depressed because I’ve lost my sex drive? As in, perhaps I’m no longer producing the level of hormones that made me want to go out and meet people and interact and just have a laugh generally? Is that possible?

Yes definitely ! Why don’t you go and get your hormone levels checked at GP?

Loads of people take HRT for many different reasons .. x

Thistletime · 28/07/2021 12:41

Cinnamon - sprinkled daily in coffee or over cereals or with anything really. Not kidding.