What makes you feel your husband is still attracted to you

[hopingtobedally]

As this has been a bit of a sticking point over the years and despite me discussing this many times and him assuring me he does his actions really don't reassure me
So just to see if I'm being unrealistic or whether he just isn't showing signs he is I would like to ask what your OH does that makes you feel he is still attracted to you

Following... mine is lovely and compliments me and gives plenty of hugs but is rarely interested in sex. Nothing I do to try to initiate it works so we only ever do it when he needs to scratch an itch. It's been like this for about 13 years of our 18 year marriage and I long to feel wanted. But everything else in our marriage is wonderful so I try to ignore this element and hope that when I hit menopause my libido will die down a bit.

Hmmm interesting reading. If I’m honest it’s just nice for me to feel loved by dh at the moment. Desired will come later. We have two young kids and things have been rocky so feeling loved is more important to me just now. We are getting there. We’ve let ourselves go - especially me! I know we will get the attraction back when we have time to sleep and rest and be ourselves again. I do miss it but I know why it is this way for now and I’m okay with it.

He cuddles me, strokes my hair, grabs my bum, gives me massages. He tells me how attractive I am all the time, checks me out when I’m bending over etc. I’m really nothing special to look at but I can tell how much he adores me, it’s a lovely feeling.

1300cakes gosh, that's almost worse, it must be hard to think your partner thinks that, I am really sorry!

@hopingtobedally

I’m confused, you walked around in underwear and he quite clearly complimented you?

But yet you walk past naked, which you probably do every day, and you are annoyed he didn’t say anything?

I’m starting to think the issue is you and your insecurities, not your husband

He is bloody lovely to me. Will often tell me how lucky he is to have me and how beautiful he thinks I am. Wants to have lots of sex, wants to hold hands, wants to grab my boobs and my ever increasing bum. But is respectful when I tell him to gerrof. Or tells me that being frigid is my worse quality which makes me laugh my head off. Stares at me and smiles back when I smile. 13 years this year and I love it

Absolutely nothing.
I'm pleased for those of you posting your lovely comments here, but it makes me sad that I don't get any of this.
Honestly, I could walk around with a bag over my head, or naked with tassles on my boobs, and he wouldn't notice. This makes me think of one night years ago when me and dh were going out for our wedding anniversary and I made a real effort to look nice, my mam was at ours to look after the kids. I came downstairs and my mam was all 'Wow! Look at you!' and the kids even said I looked nice, and all dh could say was "we're going to be late" My mam's face dropped as she knew I was disappointed. Anyway, it's like this a lot. No affection at any time. Recently I've been getting into exercise a lot, bought new skimpy gym gear, and he couldn't give a monkeys. Anyway, I could be here all day going on about it....

[quote 2155User]**@hopingtobedally

I’m confused, you walked around in underwear and he quite clearly complimented you?

But yet you walk past naked, which you probably do every day, and you are annoyed he didn’t say anything?

I’m starting to think the issue is you and your insecurities, not your husband[/quote]
@2155User if you re-read @hopingtobedally's post you'll see the top half was a quote from a previous poster.

I've been married 22 years, together 25 and I often think dh still sees me as the 17 year old he met away back then!

He's very affectionate anyway, he likes to have his arm round me or hold my hand when walking and he's always smiling when I get home from work, he usually likes a cuddle before bed and when we awake every morning he wraps his arms round me.

He tells me all the time that I'm beautiful (I'm not) and that he can't wait for a weekend away with me etc...

Our kids are teenagers and it's difficult to get time for just us, but I know he still fancies me and I still fancy him too.

@Newschapter

Ahh so sorry, have RTFT and didn’t even realise she was quoting!

He can’t keep his hands off my bum, and if he catches me topless or in a certain bra, he goes all unnecessary. It’s very sweet.

Wants to know what I think about things, always says how glad he is that we’re together. Says frequently that he feels completely himself with me, and how lucky he is to have me. Likes cuddles and proximity. Trusts me and respects me.

I’m not as clear in my day-to-day affection, although I’d do anything for him.

I think it’s not just the things he says, like “you really are so beautiful” or “your bum in those leggings... 😁” but also when he says them. Quite often it catches me off guard and I know it was just in his head in that moment so he said it. 😍

It’s the same with randomly stopping as we’re out walking somewhere to pull me towards him to kiss me. It’s like it was just in his mind because of something I did or said and he acted on that impulse. Same thing goes for coming into a room and then after a split second coming over to hug me from behind, kiss my neck or squeeze my bum .

So in short, I think it’s when he does something physical and I can tell it was spontaneous and him acting purely on his desires or want to be near me.

@WakingUp55643 That’s quite sad to read, particularly the lack of affection on your anniversary. Just wanted to send

@PARunnerGirl I saw a couple walking together a while ago and the guy stopped and just held her face and kissed her, and it was so lovely I could have cried. Things like that must be wonderful to have in your life.

Do some of you not see the difference between touchy-feely, loving, affectionate and desiring of you and "grabbing and groping"?

Maybe just me.

@WakingUp55643 I can't imagine

@Arrivederla I think it all depends on the vibe between a couple. One person's "grabbing and groping" is one person's "playing and teasing".

My partner grabs and gropes all the time, but it's fun and playful. I love it that my partner fancies me so much and I'm very receptive and reciprocating of the affection I get. It might be too much for some though.

Malkpi maybe it's just a question of semantics.

I'll go with your original suggestion of it's just you then.

@Arrivederla I think @Malpki is right. It depends on the couple’s relationship. I “grab and grope” my DP too. Some couples like that, others don’t. If neither of us liked it we’d stop doing it.

I don't see what's wrong with the grab or grope at the right time or place ffs- when you're messing about and in good moods at home- yes. At your mothers funeral- no

Complements regularly, wants to spend time with me, tells me he loves me, brings me a cup of tea every morning in bed,

@SeonaSeona I could've written your post

@OhTheRoses

30 years in.. The last thing he does before he goes to sleep is to hug me, kiss my head and tell me he loves me. The first thing he does when he wakes up is to hug me and kiss me and tell me he loves me.

Before he goes to sleep he likes to put his hand over my shoulder and I reach up and we hold hands for a little while.

Ànd, you know, the other thing................. not like newly weds but it still happens

pretty much this.

I think maybe people use the words grab and grope differently?

When I read the words grabbing and groping it gives an impression of impostition of one person's will on the other's. That is nothing like our life where we like to touch and hug and kiss a lot. No one grabs, no one gropes, no one imposes their will on the other.

I love that dh could come up to me and touch me and say how about a hug as I worked on the computer. If he came up and groped my arse as I did it I'd be weirded out ( and NOT turned on).

It’s so sad to see so many of you in relationships where you don’t feel desired and attractive. It’s soul destroying

FWIW after 8 years my DP is still as affectionate as ever, tells me that I’m beautiful and sexy all the time, feels me up whenever he gets the chance, and will point to the physical proof that he’s turned on and I still struggle to believe that he really fancies me. I’m not sure how I’d cope if he wasn’t doing everything he could to persuade me of that. I think I’d have walked a long time ago tbh. It’s very important to me that I feel desired by him. I know I have low self esteem and it’s a problem, but luckily he shows and tells me enough that it keeps my fear at bay!

For anyone who isn’t feeling it, please value yourself highly enough to expect/demand some affection. You only get one life and you deserve to feel loved, desired and special.