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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does this sound like Aspergers?

79 replies

horribledads · 05/07/2020 17:10

It's been suggested that my dad might have Aspergers. He has never been tested as far as I know. My dad is not a particularly nice person, so please don't take this to mean that people with Aspergers aren't nice.

He has no problem making eye contact or getting jokes. In fact he can be very funny when he wants.

He used to tell us that he never wanted children and that he had us because my mother kept forgetting to take contraception. He used to get very drunk and drive us places. When he was meant to be looking after us he would drink and fall asleep often burning holes in the furniture where he dropped a cigarette.

He said he never wanted to have a family or get married and he would sit in the shed by himself drinking. He wanted complete silence at the dinner table. He would hit me on the hands with the back of a knife if I held my knife or fork wrong.

He was always after an argument and we would scatter when he got in drunk. He once picked me up and threw me up a flight of stairs He liked to quietly wind us up by doing the same thing repetitively.

He moved very far away to another country and lived by himself in a field for a long time (20 years). He has never had another long term relationship.

He tells you exactly what he thinks with no consideration for your feelings. For example, when I was a child I bought him a CD and when I asked him if he liked it, he said no, the recording is bad. I also bought him very expensive tickets for a show, he was in the best seats I could afford and he told me that the sound was bad and he didn't enjoy it.

When he moved away I asked if he wanted to meet before he left and he said no, he didn't have time.

He would call very early on a Sunday, 7am and I would ask him not to call so early and he would start ranting about how I should be up and how lazy I was. When I said that it was the only day I got to lie in past 7am, he said that didn't matter.

He has no worries about telling you something negative about your appearance. For example, your hair looks dry. Your legs look fat.

Does that sound like Aspergers as someone suggested that to him or do you think it's something else? I don't know anything about Aspergers really, so apologies again if this is wrong.

OP posts:
Aerial2020 · 07/07/2020 08:08

Ttim985y
The question of the post was does this sound like aspergers?
When in fact, it should have been does my dad sound abusive?
There's no need to mention Aspergers really.
Your experience of being dismissed for 30 years is your own valid experience but its nothing like the post.

gotothecooler · 07/07/2020 08:29

@RunningAwaywiththeCircus

Being autistic does not invariably cause sensory issues, overwhelming etc. My very first session with DS I was told “if you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism”. Sound advice.

What the OP did was list numerous examples of really shitty behavior and then say:

Does that sound like Aspergers as someone suggested that to him or do you think it's something else? I don't know anything about Aspergers really [no shit OP] so apologies again if this is wrong

Subtext: I know jack about ASD but someone told me that Aspies can be cunts, so would that explain the fact that my dad is a cunt?

MN says: no, no, no - you’ve got that wrong.

Karens: ooh yes lots of cunts are aspies and I reckon he’s spectrummy hun.

We never, ever, ever see these posts about schizophrenia, bpd, attachment disorders or indeed any mental health or neurological condition EXCEPT autism. As I said, it’s fair game. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I wonder whether that helps explains the higher suicide rate amongst neurodiverse people. The OP could have started a thread about her daddy issues without bleating about autism.

OP then appears to Google Aspie symptoms and reel off several in the context of her father while completely failing to grasp why some people were offended by her original post - just a mealy mouthed “I’m sorry if you were offended”.

This is invidious, nasty, discriminatory and insulting.

Quoting this for anyone who missed it, because Circus gets it bang on, again.

I'm autistic and tend to lose my shit at the 'oh sounds like they might be on the spectrum' crap that gets posted repeatedly on threads about abusive people. I can never quite articulate in a way to try and help people realise why it's not ok. I usually just call them all names BlushThank you Circus for saying what I, and no doubt others, can't quite manage to get down properly.

2coffeesinbed · 07/07/2020 10:34

I’m autistic & I'm bloody lovely - just saying

Sassanacs · 07/07/2020 10:43

Why on earth would you think this means aspergers and not just the fact he is a complete cunt with a drink problem.

I haven't rtft but I wouldn't be giving this asshole a second of my time

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