Is your DP touchy and shout/swear at you when you two argue?

[mel263]

Looking for honest replies.
I'm in this situation and it's hard to work out whether it's me just being touchy or him being abusive. Can it ever be both?
Am I wrong to want a relationship that doesn't involve swearing or shouting when arguing, or am I expecting too much?

I’m in the same boat so interested in the replies. Mine is also passive aggressive and dominating and sarcastic in everyday conversation

In over 10 years my husband has never sworn at me and never shouted at me. I have raised my voice to him when I dont feel like hes listening to me in an arguement, I could count on my hands the number of times and I have told him to fuck off once. You are not wrong to want a relationship without shouting and swearing

To give some idea of him he's a director of a building company, You can imagine what their language is like on a building site. Don't get me wrong I'm not prude, I swear occasionally but it's also the aggression in his voice when he swears during a row that is dragging me down.

I have of course told him to stop but it keeps on happening. So a light bulb has gone on and I'm questioning what the hell am I doing. This all started 3 years ago so you can see I've tried to stay and make it work. I have been spoilt as he does everything for me, I have Fibromyalgia so he's like a slave to me when I'm in pain most days. I am independent but it's the days where I flare up it's easier to get him to help me than struggle myself.

My ex worked in a factory, I hated his language especially the swearing and 'jokes'.

It's not too much to want to be treated with respect. Have you raised it with him, what was his reaction? If it was more swearing and minimising your feelings then that tells you what you need to know.

My husband works in an environment similar to yours, but he doesn't bring the language home. I think maybe twice he's come out with the type of thing they say in work and both times he's apologised. We have been together more than ten years.

He's never shouted at me, if I measured his voice during an argument it is probably louder than his speaking voice but not much, he's only swore at me by saying fuck occasionally during an argument, and never to me.

I think it sounds scary and I don't think you are being touchy or over sensitive or anything like that. I couldn't be with someone who shouts and swears.

We are a sweary house but never, ever at each other and never raised our voices at each other either.

No never
He very very rarely shouts and in almost 30 years has never sworn at me

Been with DH for 7 years and he works in a similar sort of environment (factory). I know he swears a lot more at work. I'd say his voice is louder when we argue which thankfully isn't often, but mine is too though we don't actually shout. We both swear in day to day life/in general conversation now and then but he has never sworn AT me that I can recall.

We've raised our voices at each other but I wouldn't say we've shouted and we never swear or call each other names of any kind. To me that signifies a loss of control and you can't take words back. We get cross, we disagree, we get frustrated but we don't get in each other's personal space and we don't swear or shout. I was raised in a house where lots of shouting and swearing went on and I promised myself I'd never fall into that same pattern. Disagreements are hard enough to navigate without escalating it further with abusive language or threatening body language.

DH never shouts and swears at me. Nor do I shout and swear at him. I couldn't be in a relationship like that.

I've been with DH 20 years, there have been raised voices and occasionally swearing but this has lessened as the years have gone on and we've both matured. We don't yell at each other, we snipe occasionally, usually followed by an apology because we are both capable of accepting we've been in the wrong and the original issue is just stress boiling over and finding a convenient out ie the person you're closest to. What you're describing sound exhausting and I wouldn't put up with it.

No, he doesn't, and never has. Likewise I wouldn't treat him like that either.
IF a man thought that were the way to resolve disagreements, he wouldn't be my partner.

DP is like this. I wouldn't have it any other way.
He is verbally expressing his feelings in a healthy way, just like when I cry (I also shout).
My DF was like this too, loud, shouted etc and I think it served me well. I've never batted an eye lid if men have been shouting etc around me (ie, pub).
DP doesn't call me names. He always apologises if he's in the wrong, he just expresses himself at a volume.
His parents really don't communicate so it's lovely he feels he can be himself in his own home. His mother sulks and his father belittles and humiliate to get a reaction.
Can't say my DP has come out unscathed but shouting and swearing is not a bad thing.

@Nartl0ngNow

Did you read the OP? She doesn't like shouting, and she is totally within her rights to not like shouting. Your relationship is unusual but doesn't apply here because the OP does not feel comfortable being shouted at.

OP,
That sounds an awful environment to live in.

Why would anyone enjoy being shouted and sworn at?

Over 30 years together and it's not any part of our relationship.

We can all irritate each other but it doesn't have to descend to such aggressiveness.

Must be awful to live with.
Horrible environment for children to grow up in too.

I used to be in relationships where I would shout my head off and swear but as I've got older, now 28 years old, I prefer handling arguments differently.
It is tiring being with someone who expresses himself so loudly in an argument by shouting and swearing. And to add to that, his short temper. He blames it all on his stressful job but it's been three years of it now.

It is tiring, and it's not a good dynamic. It's aggressive and can cause stress to everyone who hears it. You are not his stress ball. You are not there to provide stress relief. I would tell him to either look at other ways to cope with his stress or the relationship may not survive.

Over a decade and he's never shouted or sworn at me. Same back.
Swears at video games, that's about it.

Easy peasy - one simple question: does he speak to his mother like that if they disagree?

Tappering- my exh was terrified of his mother ( who was a piece of work) but he never ever dared shout or swear at her. His dear wife however frequently had both and worse

What has his Mum got to do with it?

He doesn't have a relationship with his Mum, he hasn't forgiven her for his bad upbringing.

It seems to me from the replies on here that I must be the only woman here who's dealing with this issue
It's made me consider leaving him even more now.

My current dh has never shouted or sworn at me. My exh has however.

I'm going through this and we're breaking up because of it.