Hi all, I've found myself in quite a mess and posting on here in the hope of reading some advice and/or moral support. I'm confused and very hurts.
I'm in a 15 year relationship (married for five) and it's been pretty good overall. I've loved being in a relationship, and he makes me happy the majority of the time.
Back in January my husband, who's usually incredibly close to his family, suddenly decided they annoyed him and that they were too demanding of his time (they all live about an hour away and ask to see us a couple of times a month, so not excessive). He also decided he was depressed at work and had no enthusiasm for his job anymore. I asked if he was depressed, he said no. I asked if he was happy in the marriage, he said yes, very happy. Anyway, this went on for months, with his family getting increasingly upset by him not wanting to visit or even talk to them once lockdown started. I felt stuck in the middle as I also wasn't entirely sure what was going on due to my SO's lack of communication.
This goes on until earlier this month when his brother decides to do an intervention and randomly pitch up at the house demanding answers as to why the family are being shunned. So they both sit in the back garden to talk while I sit upstairs, thinking this would be a good way to give them privacy and allow them to talk it out. A couple of hours later, his brother leaves and my SO comes into the house all smiles. He says it's all sorted and he feels massive relief. Awesome! I think. All that weirdness is now over.
Except it's not, as he then tells me that we need to sit down and talk. He then commences to tell me that he's been unhappy for 'ages' and the reason is me. I ask him what is it I've done exactly that's made depressed but all he says is "it's just the way you are". All this despite the fact he'd spent the last few months telling me I'm the best thing in his life, his rock, the only person he wants to see. He'd even said he wishes everyone else would leave alone so he could spend forever with just me! It made no sense. I asked what we do now, do we split up? But he said he doesn't want to as he respects his vows. I just need to change a few things about myself - what these few things are he couldn't say, and I'm still to this day none the wiser. I spent ages crying, but he got irritated with me saying that I should be happy for him as he now has all the family stuff sorted.
This was a couple of weeks back and he's all happy and being extra gushy with his family. He's also gone back saying I'm amazing and he's lucky to have me. I'm utterly fed up and feeling worse as time goes on. The way I see it, he was genuinely pissed off with his family for whatever reason but decided it's easier to throw me under the bus than be honest with them. But he sticks to the story that it was all caused by me stressing him out. And now refuses to talk about it at all.
Is this worth splitting over? I thought we were happy and very much in love. I know the obvious thing to do is to discuss it over, but as mentioned, he won't and it's eating me up and makes me feel worthless. Part of me says to go on as normal and hope this never happens again. The other says if he can do this then he doesn't truly love me. Sigh...