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Original poster

friend's (vicar) husband posting racist bilge

109 replies

user1493039269 · 30/06/2020 20:46

Long story.

A friend married an awful man (vicar). One of the reasons for his awfulness is the absolute disdain he feels for other people (including people going to his church). The way he used to talk about the (majority black) people in his old church made me really uncomfortable but I thought it was down to the fact he felt superior to just about everyone. I have actually considered reporting him to the Church of England several times for his online comments about parishioners/people in his community (always vulnerable ones) as from what I can see his activity does contravene their policy. He also has a photo of him in his dog collar and his online handle reflects the nature of his work so in no way is he posting as a private individual. However, I have always come back to the fact that if anything came of my complaint it would destroy my relationship with his wife - even if I haven't see her for ages - and it might hurt their kids, which I would not want.

Cue BLM and his FB and Twitter posts make it clear he is actually just racist. There is some pretty offensive stuff, but maybe possibly things that he could squirmingly argue are not racist because they are pretty coded (although tbf people had called him out on it). However, there was one Twitter post that was unequivocally racist. He took it down after a while as I think he knew he had revealed himself. It was in no way coded.

So. When I saw the last post I felt I had to complain to the Church which I did verbally. Then they asked me to write it down and send screen shots of his bilge and now I have stalled. I was going to complain and let him know I had complained. Now I worry about his wife and kids. My partner says just email him and tell him I think it is utterly wrong to a) be posting this at all but b) posting it as a religious leader, thereby giving it some credence. However, he's so fucking sneeringly superior I know he'll just be a twat about it. I really want to see him punished for being so mean and using his position of authority to legitimise his views. That being said, the Church of England isn't known for being progressive so perhaps they'll do nothing at all.

My question is - what would you do?

OP posts:

iano · 01/07/2020 14:13

Please report him.

GrannyBags · 01/07/2020 15:59

As I said upthread, report him to the Bishop or Safeguarding team. They have a duty to investigate and you do not need to give your name. It’s not ‘jumping on the bandwagon’. If it makes you uncomfortable then it probably does the same to others. At the very least he needs someone to advise him of his social media use.
As I said, I work in Safeguarding in the Church - we can not act unless people bring things to our attention. Please report him.

UpCountryBagLady · 01/07/2020 16:31

I think you should send the proof as you’ve already told the church verbally.

GrannyBags · 01/07/2020 16:34

Who did you verbally report it to?

stealm · 01/07/2020 17:20

I'd report it. They won't tell him who did it and if it's on his public twitter it could have been anyone.

Kabakofte · 01/07/2020 20:34

Retort but you are under no obligation to tell him.

Deadposhtory · 01/07/2020 22:25

Report

missyoumuch · 02/07/2020 03:09

[quote BertiesLanding]@CaptainMyCaptain - Because currently there are people who are getting lynched for doing little to nothing by people who cry "hate speech" when it's anything but. So, no, I'm not jumping on the "report him" bandwagon.[/quote]
Did you actually use the word LYNCHED to describe the experience of being accused of racism?

I despair.

FifteenToes · 02/07/2020 04:15

Been a few threads about racism and associated bigotries lately. Brexit has really changed the landscape of public debate and emboldened these pricks.

Surely you can report him anonymously, so it needn't affect your relationships with his wife? All they need is to see the posts, it shouldn't matter who they come from.

Original poster

user1493039269 · 02/07/2020 13:11

Thanks all for taking the time to reply. Yes, I am being complicit. I will report him properly but it appears you cannot make an anonymous formal complaint to the CofE. I find this a bit baffling as what if I were a parishioner of his that still needed him to receive communion or marry my child or something. Also, this isn't a case of hesaidshesaid but comment posted publicly. Meh.

For those who raised his parishioners. He has been challenged by a couple of them but he basically told them they were wrong/shut them down. Also, he is pretty clever-clever (or so he thinks) so a lot of it is coded. I wish I could post what he's said here verbatim but I feel that would be wrong.

Am I overreacting? I very much doubt it but as was said, the Church will decide. I really hope that they look past his slippery faux academic BS to see what truly lies beneath. Likening the effects of BLM to Nazism just isn't on tho, is it?

I'm sorry for offending anyone for saying the CofE isn't progressive. I had LGBTQ issues in my head.

Thanks again to all.

Here goes....

OP posts:

Bunnymumy · 02/07/2020 13:34

Well that's a bit of an insult to the millions of Jews that died at the hands on the nazis...
But tbf the blm ppl have been renaming a few uk street signs after random Americans... so almost as bad I suppose... ... xD

I dunno though op...you can be against what a group is doing and how it is going about it without disagreeing with its fundamental cause.

But distasteful the way he worded it though, as a minster he should have been more sensitive to that.

But I think youd need more concrete examples of racism than that to complain.

Bunnymumy · 02/07/2020 13:41

*Not that I'm saying not to report as he sounds like a right horror from the prior things you were saying.

Defo report. Maybe if he has posted lots of similarly insensitive stuff, that'll all add up and be enough on it's own for them to build a picture of him.

acatcalledjohn · 02/07/2020 13:50

I will report him properly but it appears you cannot make an anonymous formal complaint to the CofE.

So if you were to submit these screenshots anonymously by post they won't do anything with it? Can't say I'm surprised, religious institutions have quite the history of hiding dodgy and criminal behaviour.

BeanbagMcTavish · 02/07/2020 13:53

Thank you for doing this.

The C of E really needs to overhaul its systems to allow for anonymous reporting in cases like this.

Original poster

user1493039269 · 02/07/2020 13:53

@acatcalledjohn

I know, right? They said they would look into it or vague words to that effect, but apparently the most effective thing would be to make a formal complaint. I feel like this is just a way to avoid having to deal with pretty hefty problems. So many vulnerable people would be dissuaded by this.

OP posts:

anothermansmother · 02/07/2020 13:58

Report him, it goes again all of the principles of the church.

TheHighestSardine · 02/07/2020 14:11

Fucking hell. Sort yourself out.

Cadent · 02/07/2020 14:20

But tbf the blm ppl have been renaming a few uk street signs after random Americans... so almost as bad I suppose... ... xD

Sigh. They’re not officially ‘re-named’, they just have a sign under them as a protest.

damnthatanxiety · 02/07/2020 14:21

@whereorwhere

I would block him and say to your friend that he needs to watch what he is posting. I wouldn't be responsible for him losing his job

And here we have an example of people sitting back and allowing crap to happen. Shame on you. He is in a position of responding the community and you are taking the 'not my problem' position. Would you do the same if he was a police officer or teacher? People like you are why the Nazis had so much power

DrMorbius · 02/07/2020 14:45

Great article here Op about the difference between being "not racist" and being "anti racist", www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/articles/zs9n2v4

It's your call Op, but if you are anti racist, then stand up and make the complaint, show people you are a person who will not tolerate racism. Be a moral beacon for all to see.

Lexilooo · 02/07/2020 15:18

Please report him. People like this shouldn't be allowed to hold positions of trust and/or authority.

You probably won't be the only person making the complaint but it will be easier for the diocese to act if they have multiple complaints including those who are members of the church and outside.

Don't feel to bad about his family, you might even be doing them a favour in the long run.

felixowl · 02/07/2020 23:34

Please contact someone at the safeguarding team, all the organised churches have them.
The principle is that you have to give your name as part of the complaint so that the church is not flooded with anonymous complaints that are baseless and generated because of rivalries.
We, all active Christians, want to stop this behaviour.

{apologies if this has been posted upthread and I missed it}

BertiesLanding · 03/07/2020 13:19

@TheHighestSardine - Obviously metaphor is lost on you.

BertiesLanding · 03/07/2020 13:21

I still stand by my original comment. There is hysteria surrounding race and racism. The Black Lives Matter movement is neo-Marxist and I am highly critical of it. To some, this is "racist bilge".

BlokeHereInPeace · 03/07/2020 18:43

If it's on social media rather than private groups, just send us the links. I'll report him.

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