Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

friend's (vicar) husband posting racist bilge

109 replies

user1493039269 · 30/06/2020 20:46

Long story.

A friend married an awful man (vicar). One of the reasons for his awfulness is the absolute disdain he feels for other people (including people going to his church). The way he used to talk about the (majority black) people in his old church made me really uncomfortable but I thought it was down to the fact he felt superior to just about everyone. I have actually considered reporting him to the Church of England several times for his online comments about parishioners/people in his community (always vulnerable ones) as from what I can see his activity does contravene their policy. He also has a photo of him in his dog collar and his online handle reflects the nature of his work so in no way is he posting as a private individual. However, I have always come back to the fact that if anything came of my complaint it would destroy my relationship with his wife - even if I haven't see her for ages - and it might hurt their kids, which I would not want.

Cue BLM and his FB and Twitter posts make it clear he is actually just racist. There is some pretty offensive stuff, but maybe possibly things that he could squirmingly argue are not racist because they are pretty coded (although tbf people had called him out on it). However, there was one Twitter post that was unequivocally racist. He took it down after a while as I think he knew he had revealed himself. It was in no way coded.

So. When I saw the last post I felt I had to complain to the Church which I did verbally. Then they asked me to write it down and send screen shots of his bilge and now I have stalled. I was going to complain and let him know I had complained. Now I worry about his wife and kids. My partner says just email him and tell him I think it is utterly wrong to a) be posting this at all but b) posting it as a religious leader, thereby giving it some credence. However, he's so fucking sneeringly superior I know he'll just be a twat about it. I really want to see him punished for being so mean and using his position of authority to legitimise his views. That being said, the Church of England isn't known for being progressive so perhaps they'll do nothing at all.

My question is - what would you do?

OP posts:
Flyg · 01/07/2020 08:13

Report him. His wife will know what he is like. As for the kids I just hope they dont grow up with the same views. The most recent BLM events have made me decide im going to start calling it out, even though its uncomfortable, rather than just ignoring and distancing myself from people who hold those views. I dont think what i was doing was enough by a long way.

joystir59 · 01/07/2020 08:19

If you don't report him aren't you condoning his racism?

HPLikecraft · 01/07/2020 08:22

I’m puzzled that his parishioners aren’t saying or doing anything... surely they follow his SM posts too?

In any case why should he receive any protection or have a blind eye turned to him? He’s a horrible racist hypocrite. You won’t be losing him his job, OP: if he did it would be his own fault.

There was that case just a few weeks ago where a young black minister was told he wouldn’t be considered for a certain post because of his race. The C of E bent over backwards to apologise and make amends when he went public. I’d imagine they’d be pretty hot to sort out racist vicars after this and the BLM protests.

Veterinari · 01/07/2020 08:22

Absolutely report him.
He is responsible for his actions.
Don't be complicit in his racism - it's not ok to stand back and do nothing

HPLikecraft · 01/07/2020 08:23

I meant to add, my DDs landlord is a vicar.
He’s a lying, money grabbing exploitative bastard. There’s many a better Christian outside the church than in.

needhandhold · 01/07/2020 08:26

Part of his job is attending his parishioners as they pass away. You have no idea what he could be saying to them in their final moments. He’s an abuser. He needs to be stopped. Don’t warn him. Forward the screen shots to the Church of England and keep copies.

GrannyBags · 01/07/2020 08:26

Report him to your local Bishop. The Church should have a Safeguarding Officer who can report on your behalf - I’m sure you won’t be the only one with concerns. Tag me in a post if you want advice about this (it’s my job)

BagelsWith · 01/07/2020 08:31

Report!!

adreamofspring · 01/07/2020 08:35

Another one for report. Silence is violence. It’s not enough to not be racist, we have to challenge it too. He’s in an influential position and his views are infecting others, you can guarantee it.

Metallicalover · 01/07/2020 09:03

It's a no brainer for me! Report him! He is in a position where he comes into contact with vulnerable people.
His wife, 'your friend' is just as bad as she's married to him and she tolerates (or maybe even agrees) with him.
He is not supporting the view of the Church of England and I disagree with you say that they probably won't do anything. A lot of his colleagues will be from different backgrounds also.

You absolutely need to report him, I wouldn't have a conversation about it to him as he has clearly shown his views on social media for all to see.

MrMeSeeks · 01/07/2020 09:09

Report him! How dare he get away with this!

FIFIBEBE · 01/07/2020 10:35

Please report him using the CofE link above. It's hard to believe that the churchwardens and PCC are not doing anything about it. The calibre of people who successfully get through the Cof E selection process continues to amaze me. I wish you well.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 01/07/2020 10:43

Surely the main takeaway from blm is that not being racist is not enough. You have to be actively anti racist in order for anything to change.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 01/07/2020 10:44

And should anything happen to your friend, thats on him, not you.

ZarkingBell · 01/07/2020 10:53

Report to the his bishop. I'm an active member of the CofE and this is not tolerated. It is wrong.

BertiesLanding · 01/07/2020 11:57

We have no idea what he posted. I'm not prepared to suggest anything unless I can see his posts.

Windmillwhirl · 01/07/2020 12:20

He needs to be reported without question. He is a position of authority and there are undoubtedly vulnerable people that will be influenced by him. I would not think twice about this.

OrlandoInTheWilderness · 01/07/2020 12:30

My parents are both vicars. Completely, 100% report him. He is in a position of trust and authority.

Butterbean11 · 01/07/2020 12:33

Could you create a new email account and email them anonymously with screenshots perhaps? Then, that way, no one will know that it was you who specifically complained. Definitely needs to be reported and him vilified due to being in such an authoritative position.

Notredamn · 01/07/2020 12:53

You must report him.

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/07/2020 13:23

@BertiesLanding

We have no idea what he posted. I'm not prepared to suggest anything unless I can see his posts.
Why? The Church authorities will make a decision on whether his views are acceptable or not. The OP clearly thinks they are not acceptable. You don't have to decide.
BrandyandBabycham · 01/07/2020 13:33

Absolute no brainer - report him!

missyoumuch · 01/07/2020 13:52

Report him and let the church decide if action is required. He’s the one who had posted these things, if it affects his career and family that’s completely his responsibility.

Vicars have access to vulnerable people and are in a position of authority. It’s very important to keep hateful people out of that role. Look at how much abuse has been done by priests with people too afraid to question them. Don’t be complicit.

BertiesLanding · 01/07/2020 14:02

@CaptainMyCaptain - Because currently there are people who are getting lynched for doing little to nothing by people who cry "hate speech" when it's anything but. So, no, I'm not jumping on the "report him" bandwagon.

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/07/2020 14:04

[quote BertiesLanding]@CaptainMyCaptain - Because currently there are people who are getting lynched for doing little to nothing by people who cry "hate speech" when it's anything but. So, no, I'm not jumping on the "report him" bandwagon.[/quote]
But if he is reported the Church authorities will decide what needs to be done. If the OP is over-reacting they will not pursue it. There is no lynch mob.