Seems a common topic. I have had a relationship that became technically sexless in 2009 with lights out sex happening maybe 5 times a year at most, maybe I'm boring in bed but lights out "come on then" doesn't inspire.
All started out good for few years, a feast that became a famine. Started with things like "don't bother washing it tonight" moving onto feigned headaches, letting the kid come in the bedroom loads etc. The illnesses especially when her daughter got older and went out.
Excuses about getting older or how she looked which tbh had not really changed and although being a lady who shops at simply be might not suit all men personally looks wise never a days gone by where I didn't find her sexy.
Valentine's was sexless despite meals and shows etc. Was down to a pattern of birthday, Christmas and shortly before her daughter's birthday, A cynic would say the last two were as I was asked to pack out a card for her daughter.
Apparently I am great company and funny but I guess I never floated the boat physically after the gloss wore off.
I felt worthless except my wages depressed that the woman I loved spurred my physical advances.
I started working late to keep myself busy and to avoid embarrassing myself by cuddling her of an evening and being rejected. This resulted in her accusing me of seeing hookers which hurt even more as it felt like being told that's the only way I could get someone to have sex with me.
I started to think about her exes I knew of and the father of her daughter all of these men are as different to my pasty BBC 4 watching self in appearance as they could be.
Noticed she'd looked at pornhub on the computer and some was normal enough but a few featured men more like her ex and they were vocal about their appearance. The titles were enough to make my heart sink.
Now I know you should not dwell on exes or pry on browsing history but after 10 years without sex you start to lose your mind and go to some dark places as to why it might be happening. Also I remember her instigating sex earlier in the relationship after certain films had been on.
Eventually I just gave up any hugging or kissing I just couldn't handle the whole "I love you but my pyjamas will not be budging an inch"
Anyway after a blazing row instigated by her now 20s daughter pestering me to do some DIY after a really bad day. Having stuff thrown at me by the daughter and no support from her except I should leave which was a common threat as she owned the house. A few days later I just walked out.
Been alone all lockdown. Can't be bothered to go back for anything or chat to her. I do miss her. The looks and we had chats/discussions and laughs just no sex. Dunno if I am more at fault or her. But a long period without sex has left me feeling utterly worthless and inadequate.