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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Press Charges or Not

66 replies

TimeTravel89 · 30/06/2020 01:07

I found out my girlfriend was cheating so completely ignored her and wanted nothing to do with her.
Two weeks after she admitted cheating she sent me a random message that said ‘leave me alone, don’t contact me again’ which I though was odd because I hadn’t had any contact for two weeks. But I ignored it.

The following weekend I had a voicemail from her. (I don’t have my phone in work so didn’t see the call) on the voicemail she said she was standing at the edge of the train platform and she couldn’t cope anymore and she was going to commit suicide. The time on the voicemail was 3 mins earlier so I tried calling, texting and messaging her to try and get in contact.

Finally spoke to her and she said she was being taken to the hospital.

I then didn’t hear anything, until the police turned up at my house later in the week accusing and arresting me for harassment.

What she did was give the police screenshots from her phone saying ‘don’t contact me’ ect then the screenshots of the missed calls and messages from me saying ‘please contact me I’m worried’ ect

Luckily i still had the voicemail and I managed to play it to them, it was only then they believed me.

Question is..Do I press charges?, she’s had/got mental health issues and ptsd, I want her to understand that she can’t do that to people because if I had deleted that voicemail or answers the call, I would have been screwed. If I press charges then that’s what sends her over the edge and means she actually does something to herself I count live with myself for that, she has lost her job because of this as she used to work for the police so she’s suffered in a way.

OP posts:
HotMessTryNotToStress · 30/06/2020 01:19

This is very difficult. I personally wouldn’t press charges as she is in a bad way mental health wise.
Has she got family and friends who are aware of what is happening? She needs support.
I would suggest you go no contact though for your own sake.

RLEOM · 30/06/2020 01:32

I would. She set you up to get you in trouble with the police and she sounds like she's capable of ruining your life. Surely protecting your future comes above caring about her mental health?

ilikemethewayiam · 30/06/2020 01:33

Agree with PP. I understand why you feel angry about it, like you say, it could have had very serious consequences for you but I really don’t see how pressing charges is going to help. It might even make you look vindictive. Could you get some kind of court order forbidding her to contact you so at least it is clear that you want no contact going forward.

Chloemol · 30/06/2020 02:13

I would, she has to learn that whatever her mental health issues may be, she has an impact on others. Plus she may then get the help she needs sooner

People simply can’t use mental health as a reason to do things and get away with it

HannaYeah · 30/06/2020 02:15

If possible, get police advice. I’m thinking you should file a report for the record but not press charges. She’s unwell and you need to limit interaction with her. Block her from contacting you.

avamiah · 30/06/2020 02:40

In my opinion I would advise you to get a “non molestation” court order against her.

EdgarAllenCrow123 · 30/06/2020 02:43

What do you think you can press charges against her for?

SwelteringInTheHeat · 30/06/2020 02:54

She sounds unwell at best, and malicious at worst. I would advise that, now this particular matter has been cleared up, you block her number, block her on all social media and never speak to her again.

Windmillwhirl · 30/06/2020 03:55

I agree with swelteringintheheat

Best to move on and have nothing to do with her again. I'd like to think the police had words with her already about wasting police time.

What would you like to achieve do you think from pressing charges?

PicsInRed · 30/06/2020 07:46

@HannaYeah

If possible, get police advice. I’m thinking you should file a report for the record but not press charges. She’s unwell and you need to limit interaction with her. Block her from contacting you.
This. I would just file the report - to record your response to hers - and then I would also get a non molestation order. Seek legal advice on that.
KatherineJaneway · 30/06/2020 07:55

I'd block her completely so you receive no further messages from her. If she continues to call, get a non molestation order as pp said.

The Police will have spoken to her about filing a false report so its best to walk away and ensure no further contact.

ClockyClock · 30/06/2020 08:00

I would document everything, block and get some sort of order of no contact against her.

JorisBonson · 30/06/2020 08:00

OP, it's not actually possible to "press charges" - you can report to police who will ultimately decide whether the offence is chargeable.

As PP's have said, block her on everything. The legality around your arrest for harassment is that she's said "don't contact me again" and you've contacted her (totally understand your reasoning behind that). You could do the same, and if she continues to contact you then you can also report for harassment.

But blocking and moving on seems like the best solution.

Has she got support for her mental health?

Dragonsanddinosaurs · 30/06/2020 08:00

Press charges for what? The police already know she has made a false report, and that will be recorded. What is it you are hoping to achieve?

Lickmylegs0 · 30/06/2020 08:04

I think it should definitely be documented - to protect yourself in the future, and to protect any other person she may try this against. I was unsure about reporting some ‘suspicious behaviour’ recently. I called 101, the police were great - and I felt so reassured after speaking with them.

SummerDayWinterEvenings · 30/06/2020 08:04

Yes I would.

TerrapinStation · 30/06/2020 08:04

Where do you live?in the UK you can't press charges, it's not up to you.

Lickmylegs0 · 30/06/2020 08:05

But I wouldn’t press charges.

Namechange8471 · 30/06/2020 08:08

I’d change your phone number.
Then as harsh as it sounds, let her get on with her life, you’re not responsible for her.
Also block her on any social media etc.

MrMeSeeks · 30/06/2020 08:24

I would speak to the police as this was not ok, this also maybe a cry for help from her x

Lickmylegs0 · 30/06/2020 08:38

Might be worth analysing your motives too. Do you want retribution of a more positive outcome? Also wondering if a woman was posting on here - stating that her bf had cheated, threatened suicide - and then tried to frame her - whether responses would be the same? I think there would be an overwhelming report to police and press charges...

Lickmylegs0 · 30/06/2020 08:39

Sorry retribution OR a more positive outcome...

EdgarAllenCrow123 · 30/06/2020 08:49

I wasn't assuming the OP was male, they don't tell us their sex and this their first post.

pog100 · 30/06/2020 08:49

As several other people have said, pressing charges is a nonsensical phrase in the English legal system. The police have all evidence. If they think it's serious enough they pass it to the prosecution service who decide on the basis of chances of securing a conviction and the public interest.

sweetbirdofjuice · 30/06/2020 08:59

as PPs say, I think it's up to the CPS whether to charge rather than you. I would block her everywhere and look at a non molestation order or similar, depends whether you feel she would up the ante and try to cause more trouble for you.