Press Charges or Not

[TimeTravel89]

I found out my girlfriend was cheating so completely ignored her and wanted nothing to do with her.
Two weeks after she admitted cheating she sent me a random message that said ‘leave me alone, don’t contact me again’ which I though was odd because I hadn’t had any contact for two weeks. But I ignored it.

The following weekend I had a voicemail from her. (I don’t have my phone in work so didn’t see the call) on the voicemail she said she was standing at the edge of the train platform and she couldn’t cope anymore and she was going to commit suicide. The time on the voicemail was 3 mins earlier so I tried calling, texting and messaging her to try and get in contact.

Finally spoke to her and she said she was being taken to the hospital.

I then didn’t hear anything, until the police turned up at my house later in the week accusing and arresting me for harassment.

What she did was give the police screenshots from her phone saying ‘don’t contact me’ ect then the screenshots of the missed calls and messages from me saying ‘please contact me I’m worried’ ect

Luckily i still had the voicemail and I managed to play it to them, it was only then they believed me.

Question is..Do I press charges?, she’s had/got mental health issues and ptsd, I want her to understand that she can’t do that to people because if I had deleted that voicemail or answers the call, I would have been screwed. If I press charges then that’s what sends her over the edge and means she actually does something to herself I count live with myself for that, she has lost her job because of this as she used to work for the police so she’s suffered in a way.

Some men get falsely accused of rape and their whole lives are ruined cos they had no way of reading the woman's mind and making sure they had proof of innocence.....

That's a new one for me, consent is a matter of psychic ability and proof. Consent really isn't that hard to fathom, the person you're having sex with will be an enthusiastic participant rather than frozen in terror.

I don't think monkey meant that they had to have psychic ability to gain consent. Rather they didn't know what the person was capable of (false accusation). And if they had known she/he was capable of that then they would have been able to protect themselves better.

@BramberryCustard538 'reading someone's mind' is the definition of psychic surely? I'm they can come back and clarify.

No but ... I just read it as they were "psychic" about what someone has the capacity to do iyswim.

Not psychic about whether a person is consenting to sex.

I'm sure they can clarify.

Oh right lol. I thought the first time you said "come back and clarify" I thought it was a joke because they were psychic. I misunderstood.

[quote BramberryCustard538]@TheStuffedPenguin

What you said was...

"With you just cutting her off and ignoring her is a terrible thing to do. Did you have the decency at least to talk to her"

That's a pretty judgemental statement and based on what the OP has said, unwarranted .[/quote]
OP has now explained in detail how it ended which might have been useful earlier .

PTSD my ass, npd more like. So manipulative.

Yes, press charges. She has to know she can't set people up like that or she may accuse future partners or even friends of worse.

What if they dont save that crucial voicemail like you did?

I dont think 'mental health' issues is an excuse. She coldly and calmly set you up. She planned it over weeks, meticulously. So 100% press charges on the evil bitch.

@Bunnymumy

PTSD my ass, npd more like. So manipulative.

Yes, press charges. She has to know she can't set people up like that or she may accuse future partners or even friends of worse.

What if they dont save that crucial voicemail like you did?

I dont think 'mental health' issues is an excuse. She coldly and calmly set you up. She planned it over weeks, meticulously. So 100% press charges on the evil bitch.

You can't "press charges" in the UK.

Is op in the uk though?

Clearly be has been told he can do something along those lines by the officers or he wouldn't be asking IF he should do it here.

Having a mental health issue doesn't make you a manipulative cunt, I cannot stand how it is used as an excuse for shitty behaviour.

She has tried to fuck up your life - think about the impact on you if you had been convicted of a crime. If I have read your OP correctly, this was a calculated move.

Have them throw the book at her!

People keep on saying you can't 'press charges' in the UK, but you all know exactly what the OP means, and even the Police talk about 'pressing charges' when they are talking to people informally.

OP, what has happened to you is horrible, frightening and totally not on. Speak to the Police about this, or get legal advice. This is not behaviour symptomatic of mental illness. Contrary to the myths on Mumsnet, manipulative and devious behaviour is not common in mental illness. It is, however a massive feature of dangerous personality disorders.

Make sure you block her everywhere, and be sure to report any further contact from her to the Police. Get prepared to take her to court for harrassment.

Hopefully the Police will do this anyway as a result of this serious false accusation. This is such a serious matter - I really hope she is prosecuted and doesn't get out of it by faking mental illness.

Press charges

@LizzyAnna99

Press charges

RTFT. It's already been explained you can't press charges in the UK.

OP, I suggest changing your number is a good step, as already advised. While that's in progress, keep any communications you've had with your ex as a record, screenshots, etc.

I don't know anything about non-molestation orders, so can't help there, but if it's possible, then I'd do this. Her actions seem quite deliberate, and I'd say there's a possibility that she may try something else.

One thing. If you do get contact from her suggesting another suicide attempt, then don't respond, just call 101/999 and get the police to do a welfare check. My ex tried to manipulate me into going back with "suicide attempts", so I called 101 and said I was worried and didn't want the children going to his place and finding him. He stopped very quickly with the attempts when he realised I didn't respond how he wanted.

The police told him to get help (I found out on the town grapevine). Meanwhile, I now have some very hard, black and white, evidence that he's been trying to manipulate me. I'm keeping this up my sleeve in case he tries any shenanigans again.

Oh come on. All of you saying you can’t “press charges” in the UK are being obtuse. It’s just slang for making a complaint against someone.

The Police will factor in a victim’s willingness to cooperate before they do anything about sending a case to the CPS, even when they shouldn’t consider it (eg with DV).

The officer generally has a LOT of leeway on what he or she sends up to be considered by the CPS too. For instance, if they didn’t arrest the ex-GF it’ll never get as far as a charging decision.

@BitOfANameChange read the full thread doll, you can choose to proceed with pressing charges or not. I was spiked and raped a few years ago and had the option to press charges against him.