Press Charges or Not

[TimeTravel89]

I found out my girlfriend was cheating so completely ignored her and wanted nothing to do with her.
Two weeks after she admitted cheating she sent me a random message that said ‘leave me alone, don’t contact me again’ which I though was odd because I hadn’t had any contact for two weeks. But I ignored it.

The following weekend I had a voicemail from her. (I don’t have my phone in work so didn’t see the call) on the voicemail she said she was standing at the edge of the train platform and she couldn’t cope anymore and she was going to commit suicide. The time on the voicemail was 3 mins earlier so I tried calling, texting and messaging her to try and get in contact.

Finally spoke to her and she said she was being taken to the hospital.

I then didn’t hear anything, until the police turned up at my house later in the week accusing and arresting me for harassment.

What she did was give the police screenshots from her phone saying ‘don’t contact me’ ect then the screenshots of the missed calls and messages from me saying ‘please contact me I’m worried’ ect

Luckily i still had the voicemail and I managed to play it to them, it was only then they believed me.

Question is..Do I press charges?, she’s had/got mental health issues and ptsd, I want her to understand that she can’t do that to people because if I had deleted that voicemail or answers the call, I would have been screwed. If I press charges then that’s what sends her over the edge and means she actually does something to herself I count live with myself for that, she has lost her job because of this as she used to work for the police so she’s suffered in a way.

[NoMoreDickheads]

There's nothing to press charges about, unless you mean 'wasting police time' which would be something the police would bring, not any individual.

I would just block her on everything.

[BramberryCustard538]

The police have a record of what happened, this will be helpful if she continues to try to do anything like this again. You need to block her on absolutely everything. The amount of planning that she made in this is is worrying. This was a plan that was in place before she sent the text message and carried on for days until she left the voice message and then she had the wherewithal to make up a story so plausible out of some messages you sent that the police believed her.

I would honestly consider changing my number , just don't underestimate her , take screen shots of everything she sends you and email them to yourself, never contact or or speak to her without witnesses. This woman is a threat to you.

[hellsbellsmelons]

I'm not sure I would press charges but I would want it on file in case she does anything else.
I would suggest blocking her but then she will have screen shots of what she sent you and you'd have nothing to show for yourself.
I think a previous poster may have a good idea with changing your number.
You can then prove that she hasn't contacted you because she can't because you changed your number.
Just make sure no-one she knows can pass it on to her.
Ignore ignore ignore.
Sorry she did this to you.
People can be real assholes!

[slipperywhensparticus]

If you can get an order against her i would I ended up involved in people harassing me claiming I was harassing them I had late night calls messages police sent around to my house threats of beating me up (I was pregnant) verbal assaults etc the reason was because I was with her ex son in law the police decided that was a good enough reason despite knowing all the accusations were false I changed my number and ended up moving house out of the area they used to catch the bus and ride up and down it all day long trying to find out where I lived this was not deemed harassment by the police and it was apparently what I deserved because I should not marry someone who had been married prior

[Embracelife]

Remember the appropriate response to a suicide threat is to call 999 and send paramedics round.
That is first thing.

Don't get involved.
She is not your responsibility.


If you are their current partner etc of course you might go see them or call but a medical emergency needs professional help first.

[MarkRuffaloCrumble]

I would just ignore any future calls or texts. If she’s feeling suicidal she should call family/friends or 999, not her ex. Just block, delete and keep your distance as she clearly has the capacity to get you into some serious trouble when you engage. No need to press charges really, especially as that will just drag your ‘connection’ to each other on for even longer. Just short sharp shock, cut her off and stay away.

[Gobbycop]

Are you in America? There's no such thing in the UK as pressing charges.

If you're UK based it's making an allegation.

What are you alleging? What is the crime?

[1235kbm]

There are some very unwell people out there OP, I'm very sorry you had to put with this. Had you not kept that message, you could be in a lot of trouble.

Block her on everything, including social media. Contact the police if she approaches you in any way. You could also call the Men's Advice Line for further help and support.

[NoMoreDickheads]

There's no such thing in the UK as pressing charges.

@Gobbycop I didn't know that (unless a private prosecution.) I suppose it'd be 'seek to have charges pressed.' I agree that she hasn't done anything illegal, though maybe if she carried on doing all sorts of stuff it could be part of harrassment.

[Dullardmullard]

Non mol as I do believe she’ll escalate.

When someone commits suicide they don’t usually tell anyone they just do it.
Yes this can be a cry for help and she should but we are in the middle of a pandemic and mental health is bottom of the pile,

[Dougalthesyrianhamster]

@Dullardmullard When someone commits suicide they don’t usually tell anyone they just do it.

This is such dangerous bullshit!!!! I genuinely attempted suicide a few years ago (took way above a fatal amount of a prescribed medication and had to be resuscitated) yet I reached out to whoever I could right before I did it, because I was SO scared of what I felt like doing. I wanted someone to give me some light at the end of any tunnel possible. I never got any kind of positive response, just negative from nasty judgmental types like yourself. So I gave up.

[BramberryCustard538]

Never assume that because someone is talking about committing suicide then they won't do it. It's such a dangerous myth. A lot more people in life feel suicidal than actually commit suicide (thank God) , therefore a lot of people who talk about committing suicide , don't actually follow it through (again thank god). But for the small, percentage of people who do follow it through then some talk about it and some dont. If someone is talking about killing themselves then believe them, call the police, get help for them. There's no quandary . You don't have to assess the situation. Just make the call and get help for them.

[NoMoreDickheads]

It is actually a myth that people who commit suicide don't say anything- most of them do. @Dougalthesyrianhamster Sorry you found people so unhelpful.

[HansBanans]

My dads ex did something like this to him years ago. Not the train platform part but the sending messages to him and then when he texted back she would accuse him of harassment. It all nearly got very bad for him but luckily he had all the messages and was able to show them to the police. She had deleted the ones she had sent and just showed the police the ones he sent her, so it all looked very one sided and that he was contacting her out of the blue. I would definitely press charges OP. Either that or block her on every single level

[TheStuffedPenguin]

I know she was cheating but tbh with you just cutting her off and ignoring her is a terrible thing to do . Did you have the decency to at least talk to her and say Look I am unhappy blah blah and I don't want to continue seeing you ? If this was a woman posting and saying her partner or H had just disappeared they would get all kinds of advice because it is a hugely stressful thing to happen to you . Yes she behaved badly but did you talk to her ?

[TheStuffedPenguin]

What I am saying is - did you end this well?

[StrictlyAFemaleFemale]

Press charges for what exactly?

[justanotherone123]

Hopefully after the police have spoken to her then she will back off. In the mean time block her.

She cheated so I'm not surprised that you blanked her for a couple of weeks as you were hurt.

As before keep a diary of any further contact she has with you just in case you need it.

[BramberryCustard538]

@TheStuffedPenguin

I think anyone , regardless of sex, can blank their partner for cheating. If someone doesn't want to be blanked then they shouldn't cheat. This isn't the OPs responsibility. At all.

[TheStuffedPenguin]

[quote BramberryCustard538]@TheStuffedPenguin

I think anyone , regardless of sex, can blank their partner for cheating. If someone doesn't want to be blanked then they shouldn't cheat. This isn't the OPs responsibility. At all.[/quote]
Yes they can . I'm just suggesting that this was a possibility why she reacted so .

[BramberryCustard538]

@TheStuffedPenguin

What you said was...

"With you just cutting her off and ignoring her is a terrible thing to do. Did you have the decency at least to talk to her"

That's a pretty judgemental statement and based on what the OP has said, unwarranted .

[TimeTravel89]

@TheStuffedPenguin

What I am saying is - did you end this well?

She told me that she had been seeing someone for the past two years, we had been together for 6 months.

She also told me 5 mins into a 15 hour journey home from a week away, she didn’t even say sorry, I tried asking why and she said she doesn’t want to talk about it, she asked for her train tickets, got up and moved seats. Why would I follow her? Or contact her?

,

[NamechangeOnceMore]

Speak to the police. It may be that you can get them to issue a PIN, which is a notice saying that neither of you will contact the other. That was the first step that the police suggested when I was being harassed a couple of years ago, and it worked - the culprit hasn't been in touch again. If she did, the Police would then be able to take action.

[Cookies2523]

I honestly think the best thing you can do is to change your number. You have to consider yourself here.

[monkeymonkey2010]

look after YOURSELF!
You know you got away from this lunatic by the skin of your teeth!
Yea sure she's obviously got mental health problems - but she definitely knows what she's doing re trying to twist the 'evidence'.

Thankfully you were able to prove your innocence straight away.
Other men are not so lucky.
Some men get falsely accused of rape and their whole lives are ruined cos they had no way of reading the woman's mind and making sure they had proof of innocence.....

I would make a report of false allegations with the police so it's on her record.
That way if she pulls this crap again with another guy it will be there on her record for the police to look at before automatically believing her.
The next guy may not be as lucky as you....