Boyfriend keeps leaving me whenever we have an argument!!

[gothicmummy]

OK so me and my partner have been together 4/5 years, we have a child together, every single time we have an argument he will finish with me and pack his stuff and go, it could be for weeks or months but so far he's always come back. I really don't understand why he keeps doing this, we are mostly happy and content it's just when we argue he has to finish me, it's almost like he's running away from resolving any issues, usually our arguments end up in blazing rows because he refuses to talk about things like an adult, he will laugh in my face when I'm trying to explain whatever is it that is annoying me/hurt me whatever, he calls me pathetic and a joke amongst other stuff, I know it sounds stupid but I do love this man and I'm sick of being treated like this whenever we argue, part of me thinks it's a control thing, because it seems like only his decisions count and he doesn't think about anyone else's decisions/opinions. I don't actually know what to do about it, because like I said I do love him and we're usually fine it's just whenever we argue things go to crap, il add we don't argue often, it's almost like I'm not allowed to get annoyed or what not because if I do an argument happens and he will say I cause the drama and the arguments (not always true) and then leaves.
Sorry if this makes no sense I just need to vent

[Aussiebean]

He goes because he knows you will let him come back.

In meantime he has a lovely break while you do the childcare.

When he comes back, you are a little more trained not to argue with him.

[Shoxfordian]

Next time he goes then don't let him come back! Actually you don't need to wait for next time, he's a knob and you don't need to be with him. Have a bit of agency op, make your own decision, is this how you would want your daughter to be treated by a man? Or your sister? Nope. Just put him out for good.

[Fishfingersandwichplease]

I read the first 3 sentences and thought tell him, bedtime not to bother coming back. I couldn't live like that OP - you deserve better x

[Fishfingersandwichplease]

Aarrgghh next time not bed time! Stupid phone.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

You don’t have to wait for the next row to get rid of him. Just calmly tell him you’ve had enough. He can go to his relative’s, you can arrange child support through the CMS and you can sort out any shares bills/debts/savings etc. Make a clean break apart from maintenance. Agree contact for your child which he can have wherever he’s living. Once he’s gone he never needs to set foot in your home again. Life will be much better for you and your child.

Do you need to do some work on your own temper and communication style? He sounds awful but you’ve admitted you’re very shouty and that’s not great.

[00100001]

Next time you know what to do.vjangevtjeblocksnand block him.

Think of your child

[hellsbellsmelons]

I cannot wrap my head around why he keeps doing this, there's got to be some sort of reason right?
Because he's an abusive cunt.
There is really nothing more to it than that OP.
That is the reason!
He trains you a little more every time he goes.
You change a bit more to suit him.
Then he comes back and when he wants something else to change he does it again.
It's abuse and control - plain and simple!
You however, are enabling it!
You take him back every time.
HE needs to change.
You will never change enough. He will continue to move the goal posts to keep on the back foot. To keep you on egg shells.
To keep you wanting to please HIM!

Stop showing your DC that this is acceptable.
This is an awful relationship model for your DC.
Please put your DC first now.
They should not have to put up with not knowing if their dad will be there or not. If they are enough or if they are loved enough by him. It will have big repercussions in years to come on their mental health.
He is also training DC to please him.
STOP ALLOWING THIS!
Stop it today.

Read Lundy Bancroft, why does he do that? You will find your controlling, abusive asshole of a DP in there!

Get the doormat tattoo removed from your head and take back control of YOUR life!!! TODAY!

[backseatcookers]

Why are you putting your child through this? Can you appreciate how traumatic this will be, seeing daddy pack up his stuff and leave for weeks or months and then come back, rinse and repeat?

Why are you wasting time trying to understand why he does this, instead of focusing on ensuring it can't happen again, which is by no longer living with him?

This.

It isn't victim blaming to point out that while OP's partner sounds like an absolute cunt, they both have a responsibility to prioritise their child's needs and at the moment neither of them are doing that.

While I understand how it's confusing and upsetting to be with someone like her 'partner', that doesn't absolve OP of responsibility to make decisions in her child's best interests.

They need to split up and focus on coparenting.

[SeaEagleFeather]

Your poor child.

His father behaving like this is an incredibly good way of creating a deeply insecure and unhappy child, however well he learns to hide it so that he doesn't piss off his papa and risk driving him away.

The underlying security that every child should internalise will never be there and will carry into adulthood.

For your kid's sake, his father either needs to be In, or Out. No more of these games.