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Original poster

Cutting ties with my right-wing friend

73 replies

LOrchid · 23/06/2020 15:14

I never wanted to be someone who let politics get in the way of friendship, but sadly I believe it has come to that point.

My friend of 7 years is very right-wing, whereas myself and all of our mutual friends are very left-wing. I personally feel that too much has happened in the world to tolerate someone's views I don't believe in.

She makes me and my other friends feel on edge whenever we talk about the LGBTQ community or Black Lives Matter for instance. She has a very conservative attitude and has everything but called us 'sensitive snowflakes'. She'll often say controversial things just to cause drama and I'm quite tired of it. E.g. we were talking about a woman who got fired for being pregnant and she fully agreed with it, saying she wouldn't hire a woman herself because they're "too unreliable"... what?? She's basically a budget Katie Hopkins.

So, last week me and my friends all met up for a "lockdown catch-up" in the park and she tagged along. It was obvious everyone felt uncomfortable with her being there. She sent me a message later asking what the problem was and I explained to her my feelings. She got all defensive saying I was just being overly sensitive. I told her I thought she was racist and homophobic and she flipped out saying that she was completely the opposite, that she didn't care what anyone did behind closed doors, but people should know their places in society etc. At that point I just blocked her, and now she's getting really upset because we've all turned against her.

I don't understand why she's surprised?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 23/06/2020 15:17

The issue isn't that she's right-wing. The issue is that she's an arse. Plenty of left-wing arses out there.

I have several right-wing friends who are loyal, kind and respectful. They just don't agree with me about certain things and we can have a conversation about it without fighting.

RLEOM · 23/06/2020 15:26

I keep those kind of people at a distance. :)

RightIsRight · 23/06/2020 15:27

@MrsTerryPratchett

The issue isn't that she's right-wing. The issue is that she's an arse. Plenty of left-wing arses out there.

I have several right-wing friends who are loyal, kind and respectful. They just don't agree with me about certain things and we can have a conversation about it without fighting.

This
ComtesseDeSpair · 23/06/2020 15:34

@MrsTerryPratchett

The issue isn't that she's right-wing. The issue is that she's an arse. Plenty of left-wing arses out there.

I have several right-wing friends who are loyal, kind and respectful. They just don't agree with me about certain things and we can have a conversation about it without fighting.

Agree. I have friends with views all across the political spectrum, because I don’t need to live in an echo chamber. But all of them are perfectly respectful about others’ views, would never try to debate or discuss unless specifically asked to give an opinion, are quite happy to take on board other viewpoints if they come from a place of reason, and generally don’t act like your former friend.

She’s probably surprised because she genuinely doesn’t think she’s being argumentative or realise that her views aren’t being sought, particularly if she’s used to usually being among people who feel the same as she does.

BumbleBeee69 · 23/06/2020 15:36

I keep all people like this at a distance... Left and Right

SerendipityJane · 23/06/2020 16:00

people should know their places in society

WTF does that even mean ?

1235kbm · 23/06/2020 16:10

She sounds like she likes drama OP. She likes dropping a bomb and watching the sparks fly and yes, it does sound like Hopkins. She sounds passive aggressive, sitting there in amongst a bunch of lefties, talking about how black lives don't matter and how those women shouldn't have gone to Weinstein's hotel room etc She loves the gasps of shock and everyone trying to politely ignore her.

workshy44 · 23/06/2020 16:11

I do feel sorry for her, I imagine it is not easy of your whole friendship group just drops you like a stone, especially if it has never been raised previously

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 23/06/2020 16:15

Can you give an example of some of her comments that make you think she is homophobic and racist?

LemonTT · 23/06/2020 16:18

People on the extremes, left and right, tend to be intolerant and opinionated. And they find their echo chambers on social media rather than in conversation with normal people. Extremists and bigots are prone to conflating things to justify their prejudices.

In that respect her views on gender, LGBTQ, and race are not the preserve of the right. The left have murky records too. And the opposite is true too. People on the left and right have enlightened views.

justanotherneighinparadise · 23/06/2020 16:21

Hang on. Wasnt there the flip of this story on here a few days ago where the right of centre friend was blocked by her very left leaning friend for agreeing with JKR? This debate as turned into the new Brexit where people were disowning their own family over it.

needhandhold · 23/06/2020 16:47

Oh wow. You did the right thing. What a nasty individual. People should know their place in society!

NotMyNicknames · 23/06/2020 16:57

I don't think you can drop a friend for their opposing political right wing views, plenty of right songs views are entirely reasonable.

However it's well within your rights to drop a friend for bigoted views - no matter what political leaning - that's the key difference.

Could you perhaps give some examples of what she's said? Because there really are some 'snowflakes' who can't handle people having different opinions on the extent of the welfare state/taxes, tuition fees, public transports ect.

I think the important thing when discussing political views is to ask 'why'? Because a lot of the time you'll find that people are aiming for the same outcomes, but just believe in different ways of getting there.

SerendipityJane · 23/06/2020 17:02

I don't think you can drop a friend for their opposing political right wing views, plenty of right songs views are entirely reasonable.

you know the older I get, the more I realise that's a crock.

Susanna85 · 23/06/2020 17:20

Ah I understand. Having a similar problem with my ultra left friend. She can't stop discussing politics and is very passionate and extremely proud of her views and regards anyone who isn't a socialist as a racist / bigot / homophobe.
It's very unfair and also very exhausting.

I'm not right wing myself (somewhere in the middle), but I don't enjoy discussing politics with someone who is completely closed to anyone else's views..

My parents are similar to my friend in their complete disregard of anyone who isn't left. Champagne socialism in their case.

achillesratty · 23/06/2020 17:21

It's OK to have a different opinion from your friends. My friend is a devout catholic and I am a vocal, entrenched Atheist. She worries about my soul, I worry about her oppression at the hands of the misogynistic church. We still go out, we still talk about all kinds of things and neither of us feel the need to "convert" the offer.

Friendship is about accepting differences and respecting the rights of a friend not to agree with you.

Original poster
LOrchid · 23/06/2020 17:24

So she has said things like being gay isn't normal', 'bisexuals should pick a side' etc - knowing that myself and my friends are bi or gay.

She has also used racial slurs in sentences such as the 'n' word (being white herself) and she defended it by saying "that's just how I was raised, everyone says it".

Maybe those are small things on the scale of it, but when you've explained to her it offends you and she still does it, it feels disrespectful.

OP posts:
SerendipityJane · 23/06/2020 17:27

but when you've explained to her it offends you and she still does it, it feels disrespectful.

because it is.

By the way, she's not your friend.

IsMiseMorag · 23/06/2020 17:31

Agree with all the PP saying this isn't about politics, it's about her being an arse.

Carlottacoffee · 23/06/2020 17:33

Oh Christ I agree! Keep away!

I had a work colleague who was an obsessive left winger. When he started spouting his shit I wanted to head but the table. HIS views on TWAW made me irrationally angry.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/06/2020 17:39

I don't hang out with people who use the n word. That's a line.

Twizbe · 23/06/2020 17:43

@justanothernightinparadise I was going to say the same thing. My smell a rat

LemonTT · 23/06/2020 17:59

Why was the picnic the tipping point. You spent a lot of time being friendly with someone who is openly a racist and a homophobe.

Did she bring the wrong dip?

1235kbm · 23/06/2020 18:12

I'm thinking the same thing OP. Why have you put up with a 'friend' who knows there are gay people in the group, making opening homophobic comments? Who continues to do so after you've spoken to her and is using highly inflammatory language.

lockdownbreakdown · 23/06/2020 18:15

This is indeed a very smelly rat! This is literally the reverse of a story the other day. Someone is either very bored or the original OPs ex friend is also on Mumsnet. Which is it?