Embarrassingly greedy DH

[Ludicruss]

Today, we had a socially distanced gathering for a handful of people in our garden. It was great, but I'd forgotten about the way DH behaves around food when we're entertaining in our own home.
I was serving the food myself to prevent the risk of any covid contamination, wearing gloves. DH goes to find something to do inside whilst I serve the food for everyone and myself. He reappears when everyone starts eating and serves his own plate. What he then does is finish EVERYTHING off, leaving no possibility for me to return to serve up seconds for anyone. I was mortified. His plate was over flowing and more than doubled everyone elses plate.
I could see him standing at the side of the garden eating away his mountain of food out of the corner of my eye, DM got up to see what was left when she had finished, clearly intending to have some more. But all of it had gone.
I had tipped 3 packets of crisps into one bowl and nobody had asked for any during the first time I was serving, when I looked into the bowl after DHs visit, there were around 8 crisps left in the bottom of it. He had demolished almost all of them.
There was a tiny piece of chicken left and a pitta bread which DM ate as she clearly hadn't finished eating ( she had only wanted a small amount on her plate originally). I was also still hungry.
I had made most of the food and I'm pissed off that my effort was wasted on him stuffing himself with it all.
I was utterly embarrassed.
I made a joke about him eating all the crisps and DH went extremely red in the face. He will no doubt call me out on it later on for embarrassing HIM!
He is very over-weight and embarrassed about it, but nobody is allowed to mention it or his eating habits. And yet he stuffed himself with all the food for the guests.

How do I broach this? I love entertaining, I have really missed it, but he spoilt it for me today.

He doesn't do this when he visits other peoples houses,just at ours.

If there is ever shared food on the table at regular meal times,he always seems to wait until we all have a bit on our plates and then eats everything that's left. Sometimes I find myself filling my own plate with too much before he dives in and eats it all. I rarely serve food this way in th3 evenings because of his greediness. But it can't be helped when entertaining.

What do I say to him?
It's ridiculous.

I'm not disagreeing that he was rude tbh. If I saw my DH had ridiculously under-catered, I'd get more food out of the cupboards and put that out, not just eat what was left myself.

Very specific amounts and monitoring what your OH eats. Bit control freak tbh.

Op to cater in a way that is not miserly but also not generously. you should have supplied

Two breasts each with two spares in case someone was hungry, so fourteen chicken breasts v the nine you provided.

Two pittas each with three spares, so fifteen v the nine you supplied.

Some form of other carb, Ie baked potato or something, v the nothing you supplied.

Two large sharing bags of crisps, which is the equivalent of ten small bags, v the three you supplied.

Salad is sides and not for filling up on but you need enough to go round.You likely got this right or went over board.

And if you wished to be generous and have a good lunch, then some burgers, sausages, quiche etc with coleslaw, corn on the cob, rolls etc,

But one and a half chicken breasts and one and a half pitta bread and some salad, with half a small bag of crisps, is a lunch for a normal weekday person who eats healthy, it’s not what you invite folks round for.

Cor! Some greedy people here! Sounds like it should have been plenty of food OP. With pita plus salads plus puddings. I mean a pita bread plus chicken breast plus salad is a portion so 1.5 should be generous.

I would definitely have a chat with him in a non accusatory way. It would annoy me too as I can’t stand greediness, or when people eat the last of something before offering it around. Really bad manners.

It would be plenty for me if I was having a calorie conscious lunch at home, but for a social event? No.

And given the fact that I exercise a lot and my weight has always been pretty stable (and I've never been overweight), I refuse to be called greedy for eating a normal portion that fills me up.

1.5 chicken breasts plus 1.5 pita bread plus 4 salads including chickpeas plus crisps plus 3 puddings?!

With pitta breads you just literally need to put then in the toaster, so you can basically have unlimited pitta breads in the cupboard ready to pop in in case you need more. Theres no waste because if you dont cook them you can freeze them. I never understand people who are stingy with bread products

Chicken will be eaten the next day.

1.5 pittas and breasts is what Id class as the minimim portion, someone with a small appetite would eat that. But you dont cater for the smallest eater!

If you want to boast about how little you eat, knock yourself out! Half a bag of crisps at a social event is not a decent portion by anyone's reckoning.

If I was eating too much, I'd put weight on. I'm not, so I'm fine. I'm a healthy BMI and well-fuelled for the exercise I do.

Having said that I always over cater because I hate to feel mean so I probably would have allowed 2 chicken and 2 pita pp. Everything else seems fine though and masses of puddings.

People may not like it, but I do think as a country we have lost sight of what a portion should look like size wise.

Over catering leads to food waste and we don’t want that now do we

Well I’d rather have food waste than invite folks to my home for lunch and decide what a healthy portion is then cater that exactly and then publicly shame anyone At the lunch who dared to eat more. In fact I’d rather chuck a whole chicken in the bin and a dozen rolls after it than under cater.

But let’s face it, if the op did have left overs I’m sure they’d have been eaten. Either that day or the next. Or given them to her mum to take home, So there would have been no waste.

People are intent on confusing what they'd eat for lunch on a normal day with what they'd expect to be offered at a catered event.
Even if the event is only an invite from family. I wouldn't dream of inviting someone to lunch and shoving a sandwich and packet of crisps at them.

Also yes I am a healthy weight and have maintained it my whole life.

How am I greedy if I eat what my body needs? If I didnt eat what I needed then i would lose weight. And why should I go hungry because you think ive eaten too much food? I wouldnt have a half piss because you thought Id been in the toilet too long.

I tend not to snack so I eat bigger meals. Eating food isnt greedy. Theres so much emptive language around eating food on this thread. Snuffling, Scoffing, mountains of food, Greedy, Pig. Its so sad that we want to shame people into being hungry.

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable

If you want to boast about how little you eat, knock yourself out! Half a bag of crisps at a social event is not a decent portion by anyone's reckoning.

If I was eating too much, I'd put weight on. I'm not, so I'm fine. I'm a healthy BMI and well-fuelled for the exercise I do.

I’m not boasting I can be a right greedy guts sometimes too. Especially if I’m tired or hungover

You seem a bit touchy- I’m not aiming it at you personally. You’re happy so no need to be defensive.

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable

If you want to boast about how little you eat, knock yourself out! Half a bag of crisps at a social event is not a decent portion by anyone's reckoning.

If I was eating too much, I'd put weight on. I'm not, so I'm fine. I'm a healthy BMI and well-fuelled for the exercise I do.

In addition, people expect a more indulgent meal than they would have at home. An occasional treat where they will tend to eat a bit more than usual. A calorie controlled lunch is not what I call generous hosting. It feels really quite mean.

Also bearing in mind OPs mountains of food were 3 pittas and 2 chicken breasts , im dubious there were masses of puddings

I wouldn't dream of inviting someone to lunch and shoving a sandwich and packet of crisps at them

It was half a bag they were allocated each,,,

@ChubbyPigeon

Also bearing in mind OPs mountains of food were 3 pittas and 2 chicken breasts , im dubious there were masses of puddings

Ah yes. That’s likely true!

@ChubbyPigeon good for you. I do still think it’s plenty of food especially the puddings but like I say if probably have provided more chicken/pita. There comes a point where it does become greedy though. Like I say I do it too sometimes. Why can’t we say that?

Jesus, poor op. She must be mortified at this thread.

Masses of puddings would probably translate to a Petits Filous each and half an apple.

I agree with pps that it wasn't an enormous amount of food.

That said, if he deliberately waited until last so that he could sweep in & take what was left that was rude imo.

Why didn't you just serve up what you had allocated to each person?

Railing, you’re missing the point

When you cater for people it’s not about what you’d personally eat on a normal day. It’s about catering enough so people can enjoy the food and eat their fill. Without judgement.

I can’t even imagine how uncomfortable the guests must have felt when the op gave them three small bags of crisps to share amongst them, called it a large bowl and then publicly embarrassed her husband in front of them all for eating too many.

So who are you calling greedy then?

The fact is, you cannot possibly judge whether someone is 'greedy' by the size of their portion alone. My DH eats huge amounts, but is super skinny because he exercises so much. I'm similar, but to a less extreme degree. Eating enough to fuel your body isn't greedy, regardless of the amount.

It reminds me of my MIL who, when she read what Michael Phelps eats in a typical day said "oh my god, so much food, that's a disgusting amount!". Michael Phelps will have been burning thousands of calories a day in training, yet eating to replenish that fuel was viewed as greedy by my MIL (who also always serves minute portions to any women at the table).

It's a nonsense - food is fuel and different people have different fuel needs. The OP is in no position to decide for other people what their fuel needs are, and it's pretty inhospitable to do that to your guests.

It does sound like the OP's DH has an overeating problem, but she also sounds like she is controlling over food. The two things may well be linked.

Yeah... OP has two problems. Her husband is rude because he should have made sure his guests had enough, but OP really undercatered here. When we have people over, I assume at least 1.5 to 2 portions per person. It's overkill, but it means that no one has to worry about not eating enough to be polite, and also that we often have delicious leftovers.

YABU. Sorry.

I do stand a bit corrected here. If he had say two pittas worth and everyone else had one - it’s not exactly mountains of food.

It is still rude to not check if anyone else wants more, but blimey this does sound a bit stingy to be honest