DPs behaviour

[RachelGreen45]

DP has a lot of mood swings and odd changes in behaviour for no real reason, he says he’s depressed but refuses to get help. I think it could be something more than depression, I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety after DC2 and it never made me behave like an arsehole.
He can go from being perfectly fine. Then out of no where he’s like his arse for no reason, won’t speak to me. Snaps at me when I do try and speak to him. Won’t bother with the children spends most of his day just trying to get away from all of us. If I ask what’s wrong or if I’ve done anything he’ll answer with something like ‘well what could you have possibly done?’ In a snappy tone. Most of the time I’ve no fucking idea what I’ve done so I just keep my mouth shut. I find myself walking on egg shells around him quite a lot to avoid these outbursts. I have tried talking about it a few times and he just says ‘it’s okay we just don’t communicate’ and I don’t think it’s the case I try speaking to him he just ignores me.
His behaviour has effected our sex life for a long time and he won’t have any of it. He can go all day barely speaking to me, leaving rooms when I come in and practically ignoring the kids then when we go to bed he expects me to be in the mood. Then his mood gets even worse when I’m not. When we try and discuss our sex life or lack of, he seems to thinks it’s a me problem not an us problem and won’t accept that his behaviour plays a factor. I’ve tried pointing it out to him and saying ‘oh are you only being nice to me because you want sex’ in a jokey type way and he kicks off, he’ll say oh just forget it.
The kids don’t seem to notice his moods as far as I can tell anyway, he’s not the most hands on at the best of times. He works full time and I’m a SAHM, he gets in too late to spend time with them on a night he only just makes bedtime and then on a weekend he can’t be arsed either. He only seems happy when he’s on his own upstairs where he can lay around on his phone.
I’m finding it harder and harder to cope with, hes very dependent on me for everything, can’t do anything for his self, can’t cook can’t wash his own clothes nothing. In his mind I’m fully responsible for him, if he hasn’t eaten all day he’ll try and make me feel bad about it. I don’t, I have 2 children that I prepare 3 meals a day for I don’t think I need to be responsible for feeding him aswell. Especially when he doesn’t even acknowledge my presence.
I think I’m just having a rant here really, has anyone got the same? What do you do to make them realise how much of a wanker their being?

I have a feeling his Mother wouldn't pander to his shit.

Do you think this is why he treats women like dirt now?

Types like this always say they want 50/50. They don't, it's just to mess with you. Next time he says it, say that will be great and it will allow you to get your life back and see him back up as fast as he can.

@Ernieshere his mothers very similar to him in her paddying and sulking I think that’s who he learnt it off.

@WinterSunglasses he knows he can’t cope with 50/50, he’d never get it and he knows. He can’t cope with them alone for an hour.

So sorry you are facing this. I do hope that the support from here on MN is helpful. Seeing something as abuse is a tough gig.

ps isn't the asking for 50:50 just a standard tactic to avoid having to pay any child maintenance ?

Yes I get the 50/50 threat. He wouldn't be able to cope with that and would need lots of family members help if he had 50% time. He needs family members to help when he has them for more than an hour at a time. Doesn't stop him threatening 5/50 though cos as you say, they know that's the Achilles heel.

@FinallyHere oh yes if not thought about it like that. Is there any argument if you know that he himself wouldn't be having them? What I mean is, he goes for 50/50 but has no intention on having them 50%, it would be his family members picking up the slack. Can you argue that in court?

if what we read on MNs is anything to go by, it appears to happen fairly routinely. 'D'F agrees to 50:50 so no court ordered maintenance and then just acts flakey for pick ups. The mother tends to be very busy day to day and just picks up the slack, often not wanting to go through the hassle of another court appearance.

It seemed worth mentioning in order to encourage you to ask for what you think is reasonable from the start, rather than agree to 50:50 and 'see how it goes' . Have lots of evidence of his lack of capability available from the start.

The courts will focus on what is best for the DC, so he shall be encouraged to step up and keep up contact. You might want to think about how you would measure any adverse impact on your DC, such as homework not getting done or after school activities missed.

All the very best.

Sounds like you dont like each other at all. There is contempt on both sides. You are openly tell him that you dont want your daughters to end up with someone like him. You are calling him spoilt and worrying about your child having his personality. Being very insulting about his entire existence. He is ignoring you,refusing to spend time with you and has openly stated family life is not for him. I would not bother analysing whether he has depression or not. It is best to just part ways. You are not married so that makes it easier. You will have to find an alternative source of income so focus on that and send him back to his Grandmothers.