I feel so at sea. This could be long...
My partner of 4.5 years is struggling with family life - I have two kids from a previous relationship, 9 and 12. 12 year old has autism - Aspergers type - makes me hard to handle sometimes but it's not life changing. The kids go to their dad's for half the weekend and one night in the week so we get some time together just us.
My partner has a history of depression and he came to live with me 2.5 years ago when in the depths of a bad bout. Over those 2.5 years we've worked so hard together to get him a driving licence, business up and running, his finances back on an even keel and his mental health stable. We've had some really fun and lovely times in the midst of some tough times.
Fast forward to now, his business has really taken off and he's 2 months into his business doing well enough to contribute to the household. He's finding it hard working full time and coming back to a full on house - kids obviously need a lot of my time. At night I tend to flop on the sofa about 9 and he'll already be there. He expects me to be chatty and for us to connect. He will have been working then have stopped and done nothing house wise (2 nights a week wash up maybe).
We've not been getting on that well. He feels distant to me when I feel I've been the same and he's withdrawn.
He often says he "accidentally" moved in when he wasn't well and didn't intend it to be permanent! In the meantime he fell out with his mum who owned the house he was living in and she sold the house.
He says he wants to live independently and experience that for the first time - living alone on his own earnings and paying his way is something he's never had to do (lucky him huh?!).
He wants to stay together but not have family life responsibilities it seems to me. I feel I come as a package now - the kids consider him a stepdad (12 year old especially). I am angry for them as well that he's suggesting withdrawing from their lives.
Aside from all this, he occasionally says he wants kids, I don't. I'm nearly 42, he's 39. His depression and up and down nature has put me off having kids with him - it would be too much for me to cope with, alongside all the other stuff I have to do - full time senior job.
We had planned a life together - moving in a few years to a joint home, combining incomes to do fun things! We couldn't possibly afford to do that if we were maintaining two households.
I feel like as a relationship we would have made it through - the little issues we have could be worked through. But the moving out stuff has made me question all that future and planning.
I can't deny I also feel a total idiot - I've invested in him / our future. He suddenly has his own money and off he wants to go...
Any advice?