Are shoes a deal breaker?

[inmyshoos]

Lighthearted really....

Been talking to someone online. He's nice. Makes me laugh and we get on well. We've exchanged a few photos. He has completely opposite taste in footwear. The kinda things my teenage son might wear. Am I being hugely shallow

I went on a date with someone wearing cowboy boots which he’d tucked his jeans into. I felt my legs slam shut when I saw them. On reflection I shouldn’t have been so shallow but it was instinctive

@Pourchocolate That's not shallow, it sounds like the shoe equivalent of B.O.

I don't think shoes would put me off in themselves. I did have one acquaintance whose sandals exposed feet where the nails were black in colour or in some other way disgusting. Ugh!

Depends. I cannot stomach the type of man who comments on women wearing comfortable shoes, e.g. Ugh boots, birkenstocks, trainers etc and harks on about preferring women to wear uncomfortable stilettos yet turns up in trainers. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

My grandad used to say you could tell if a person had taste by looking at their shoes. Really good shoes don't have a seam along the instep. Think Ferragamo.

I think a chap in cheap plastic slip one would have put me off in my youth. DH wears black lace up brogues for work, brown lace-up brother for winter casual, deck shoes in summer (We do have a boat), espadrilles for the beach, walking boots or walking trainers for heavy walking - like in The Lakes or the Pyrenees.

He has never owned a pair of sandals, a pair of slip-on, trainers or jeans.

I kinda agree you can tell a lot about a guys shoes, but also with women?
If a guy judged me on my shoes, he wouldn't be the guy for me cos I wear what I like.
If it's a deal breaker for you, then it's a deal breaker. Don't need to justify it.

Ha ha! I have always frowned on trainers being worn except for sports/exercise. Not a deal breaker as such, but off-putting. I dissuaded a DP from wearing them as general footwear for all the years we lived together, telling him how unflattering they were etc. - I bumped into him after we had split (amicably) and he was wearing ... trainers!

I once went on a date with a guy who turned up in shirt, jeans (all good) and running trainers (urgh), I was not happy, asked me for a second date and I said as long as you don’t wear trainers!

His body his shoes - unless you want to give him a say in the way you dress, too.

Wow, some shallow people on MN.

Clean feet are way more important. Memory of a guy with the stinkiest feet..like they were rotting just surfaced. Grim.

Mind you I might raise an eyebrow if someone was wearing those weird flip flop socks. And flip flops of course.

What's wrong with trainers??
Not running trainers for a first date, no, but some trainers are quite smart.
Anyhow, I wear what I want. We're all adults.

I once had a date with a guy who turned up in white slip ons with a little silver buckle on them.

I think it’s a very handy way of judging quickly if they’re “your” type of person or not. It’s not really making a decision based on their shoes, it’s just that there are certain ways of dressing that signal quickly whether someone is on your wavelength in terms of culture, hobbies etc. If you know you’re not into football, someone who always wore football shirt and trainers wouldn’t be your type really. It’s not the trainers so much as what they signify. Walking boots wouldn’t appeal to someone whose idea of fun is cocktail bars, polished brogues symbolise they’re not the outdoorsy type a hike-lover might want.

I wouldn't say deal breaker but my partner has a pair of ratty old lonsdale trainers which are horrific but he loves and they have gone mysteriously gone missing.............. and been replaced with a nice new pair of adidas

But how would you feel if he got rid of shoes you loved?

My DH's dress sense is terrible in every way. It would be a shame if I'd missed the last 28 years because of it.

But then personality you can't always tell by first impressions cos someone could come across as a lovely dressed bloke with lovely smart shoes but be a complete ass hole.

I dunno. I mean, if his shoes have holes in and smell like piss I’d understand.

Who cares about footwear if there a decent, honest, funny, trustworthy, solvent, clean, sexually compatible genuinely nice guy wearing them.

Buy him a nice pair of shoes/trainers/whatever. Job done.
(BYW what would I, a middle aged fat woman, know about footwear - I’m wearing a teenagers skate shoes as they are sooo comfy in the bunion department )

You say he makes you laugh...

Sense of humour above footwear every time!

Go for it

My boyfriend has terrible shoes. Hes an amazing person

Shoes can make it break it for me. When I was single, I could be chatting to the most gorgeous bloke ever, but if he had shitty shoes on I'd 'run for the hills'

Diarrhoea Brown Shoes are a dealbreaker for me. Pointy ones too. I'm not sure I could cope with pure white trainers either.

Anoraks have been a dealbreaker for me since before my first kiss.

I once let my sartorial standards drop for a man who was wearing shell-suit bottoms when we copped off, because he had beautiful brown eyes and he ate like my father. I had been watching him from afar for a while. My friends all warned me nothing good could come of dating a man with shell-suit bottoms in his wardrobe, and I KNEW THAT. But I did it anyway.

You will not be surprised to hear it ended in tears. Mine.

Don't do it, OP

Could I just add clicky shoes, you know the ones where men have some kind of steel bit on the heel that makes them noisy to walk in. I hate those.

Could be worse and be really untrendy
But if you don't like it you can't help it. I wouldn't like a man to turn up with trainers on a first date to a bar or restaurant that would put me off.