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Original poster

Help needed, how do you show you are interested in a guy?

42 replies

Louise000000 · 11/06/2020 20:19

Backstory is, I know a guy through my bro and I've met him a few times. The last time I met him, (Feb) he did make noises that he thought I was attractive however I Was seeing someone so that was it.
So now I've just started chatting to him on messenger as I've just added him, so we are chatting friendly, but how do I give him a hint that I like him without being too forward/ desperate sounding?

OP posts:
thecatneuterer · 11/06/2020 20:38

Well I generally show I'm interested by asking them out. What's this nonsense about being forward/desperate? Do you think men are forward/desperate if they ask you out?

Original poster
Louise000000 · 11/06/2020 20:42

No no I'm usually always the one that does the asking, I just mean I don't know how to word this in such a way as I know he's thinking right now that I'm just being friendly Grin

OP posts:
waterSpider · 11/06/2020 20:42

"Hey we seem to be getting on well. How about a coffee some time when the cafes open?"

Original poster
Louise000000 · 11/06/2020 20:44

Does that not seem random after not having met him since Feb?

OP posts:
daffodilrosedaisy · 11/06/2020 20:45

Maybe make a joke or a flirty comment with a wink emoji, or give him a compliment :)

Original poster
Louise000000 · 11/06/2020 20:47

Yes I'm wantibg to sort of give him a green light and gauge his reaction before going right in with the asking him out

OP posts:
priya38 · 11/06/2020 20:53

If you like him and they're is genuine banter between you both, he'll sense you like him, he'll already know. Don't allow him to make you do the first move.

If I was in your shoes I'd back off from speaking to him, he'll soon move towards you more. Or even casually mention another guy you've been speaking to, says he's just a friend but bring him into conversation. A guy always sees you as higher status if they've got competition.

Don't be the one to do anything first. Trust me in that, it never works out in the long run.

Yogafairy · 11/06/2020 21:18

Don't do what @priya38 says.. that's nuts! Message him saying 'Boris says we are now allowed to meet up with people for sex... how about it 😉 '

Original poster
Louise000000 · 11/06/2020 21:21

Yogafairy tempted Grin
I've just gone in with a hope to see you again once all this madness is over.... Hoping he rises to it 🤞🤞

OP posts:
SarahMcDonald · 11/06/2020 21:25

@waterSpider

"Hey we seem to be getting on well. How about a coffee some time when the cafes open?"
This, it’s quite simple really, no need for game playing. It’s just a coffee, not a marriage proposal.
TossaCointoYerWitcher · 13/06/2020 00:05

OP, I'm a guy and that sounds a good tack to take to me - hints you want to spend more time with him but leaves it open for him to make the move.

Personally, @priya38 suggestion would make me think "she's just not into me" and I'd either give up or get confused when you'd inevitably get upset with the fact I'd taken what you said at face value and not asked you out. Then, I'd take that upset to indicate that I annoy you - because, it couldn't be because I hadn't asked you out because you'd ghosted me/gone out with another guy - so, worse, it must be a sign you think I'm some letch/perv/saddo and just want me gone... It's wearing me out just thinking about it! That said, that's just me - other men's mileage may vary...

Fox43 · 13/06/2020 03:39

Be chatty, friendly, upbeat, men love that. Don't ask him out, wait for him. But definitely throw in a few little hints about wanting to go something like "I really want to go to this park" or something like that (because of lockdown)

It's always worked for me.

Mixedandproud · 13/06/2020 03:43

Good luck! Keep us posted OP!

Original poster
Louise000000 · 13/06/2020 10:10

He said he would hopefully see me again too and then I had a couple of wines by this point and replied, I hope so too beccauuse I thought he was really nice and he's put 'aww likewise :)'
So will wait and see, hopefully he initiates another convo 🤞🤞

OP posts:
Mixedandproud · 13/06/2020 10:15

Yes 🤞🤞!

Yogafairy · 13/06/2020 10:55

Nice! 👍🏼

coronaway · 13/06/2020 12:00

Jesus people it's not the 1950s just ask him out already Grin

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 13/06/2020 12:12

You're in lol

Ohnoherewego62 · 13/06/2020 12:13

Haha love the wine courage!! Well done OP! Wink

Elieza · 13/06/2020 13:14

Is he single?
I take it you are now single. Perhaps he doesn’t know that you split with your bf?
Perhaps you need to say something that will indicate you are now single so he knows?

Original poster
Louise000000 · 13/06/2020 13:35

He didn't know I had a bf before.
He is single yes.
I've left it at that now so I'm not going back in again! I have re read the messages so I think the bit about hope to see him again could maybe be read as friendly, but me saying that I thought he was nice is pretty clear.
I'm in no way old fashioned, but you have to play the game a bit do you not!?

OP posts:
AgeLikeWine · 13/06/2020 13:41

“Fancy a shag, mate?” Grin

In my experience, men are often completely oblivious to what women think of as subtle flirting, so a more direct approach is required.....

user283789563 · 13/06/2020 13:49

ISTR Graham Norton answering a similar agony uncle query with something on the lines of,
"Men are terribly simple, wear lower cut tops and laugh at his jokes,"
But that said heaven knows what would have happened if I hadn't asked out my OH (of 30+ years now) .
Do you have any mutual friends you can sound out as to whether he falls into the "diffident and hesitant" camp or the "the "just not that into you" camp?

dudsville · 13/06/2020 13:55

Wow, some of these ideas are major game playing. Poor basis for an honest open connection with someone.

He made a move before. Did you say you were with someone at the time? Let him know you're single since interested.

Original poster
Louise000000 · 13/06/2020 14:05

Our mutual person is my little bro! I'm moot involving him lol
No he didnt make a move as such but he did make a comment that I was nice looking and we were talking for a good while the last time we met.
Well I'm all for honesty, but I'm not initiating another convo now!! If he started another chat I'd swoop right in there, just want to see a little effort on his part if you know what I mean

OP posts: