Is there something wrong with me?

[Disillusioned4now]

Hi all. Basically lockdown has killed my relationship. It was new (together 3 months when lockdown hit) but it was going really well and he'd introduced me to his family. We've broken the rules 3 times in recent weeks and seen each other. But he says the spark is gone and he isn't feeling it anymore.

The trouble is, this keeps happening to me. At first, men seem incredibly keen and say things like I'm the most amazing woman and perfect etc. They kick up a fuss over my looks saying I'm out of their league etc and say complimentary things about the sex. They make future plans and introduce me to their families. But around the 3 month, 4 month mark when I'm just starting to let my guard down and feel comfortable and develop deep feelings, something just snaps and they end it.

They all seem to say they don't understand it because on paper I'm great and I'm really kind and funny etc and they're tried to shake off the feeling...but they can't and don't feel 'the thing' and see the relationship going anywhere. I'm starting to think something's missing and defective in me like something's wrong with me.

I'm almost 31 and all my peers are settled with children. And I'm starting to get really fed up and scared of heading back into the dating game to get all excited again in the beginning and then be dropped out of the blue when they suddenly change their mind. I'm terrified to be honest. Does anyone else have any experiences of this?

Thanks everyone. You've all given me a lot to think about.

I have a friend who is very good looking and so clever and funny. And this keeps happening to her. I think the men see her as some sort of prize at first so lay it on thick to get her then maybe realise she is a much better catch than them and get intimidated by her...it's all I can think of as she is really lovely-but she hasn't had a relationship longer than 5 months for that last 4 years. Maybe it's that OP-tho I don't know what the answer is.

I know you keep saying the last 2 guys were really lovely , however was one of them them this guy
‘The guy before was 29 but very limited experience. Only had about 3 x 3 month relationships previously. ‘
Sorry I lost track a bit . If you are including him as one of the guys you really liked them I would def be a bit wary . Don’t mean to sound judgemental ( though I know I will ) but this is weird . To reach 29, but only have 3 girlfriends who have lasted 3 months . I don’t think the problem is with you .
I think you just need to be yourself , try not to be too guarded ,so that you are not showing your true self .
Def agree with not settling into the whole Netflix and chill , those type of guys are often looking for an easy lay , not always but fairly often . In short go out , have fun , be yourself The guys who want to move on after 3 months aren’t right for you , be happy they did it after 3 months ,when it’s easier to pick yourself up , rather than much further down the line .
There’s someone out there for you , relax and enjoy looking

Thanks Murraythemonk and Don'tletitbeyou.

I've had a think and I really agree that slipping into the Netflix and chill is the problem. It certainly isn't me that insists on this. I suggest going out and doing things and sometimes plans will change because they say they're tired from work......and they know I'm ALWAYS tired due to my condition and I do like being at home watching films and cooking or takeaways. So I always give in.............but now I WON'T. I will insist on doing interesting things out on proper dates and they will not see the inside of my house or I theirs until several weeks have passed and even then I'll make sure I keep up the momentum of going out for dates. That will also help me to be myself, as taking part in an activity such as mini golf, board game cafe or an escape room etc will help me to focus on the activity and act more naturally. Thank you all so much I think I know what I need to do differently 😊

And I'll also tell them to tone it down next time they get over excited at the beginning!

@RoxanneMonke I think not being too available applies for most relationships including friendships. I think people back off if they think you are being too full on.

@RoxanneMonke yes, I can see your point. I was thinking of friendships that aren't balanced where people don't feel they have any space. I've been on the receiving end of that and pulled away.