Bit of back story started out as a addiction problem but has turned into a relationship issue I. used to inject amphetamine a minimum of 40g a week. Sometimes if I had money spare j would smoke crack in addition but that wasn't often and I never really got hooked on it, but I was severely hooked to the injecting of amphetamine. I lost everything to it. I voluntarily gave up my kids as I had been in a major bipolar depression episode for 2 years since the birth of my youngest daughter and I was unable to cope with my 3 dc who had special needs I felt like I wasn't giving them the life they deserved so I handed them to my mum and left. The night I left I started injecting amphetamine with my drug addict boyfriend. I even was homeless for a long time.
4 and a 1/2 years ago I gave up cold turkey I spent 6 months unable to eat or sleep and too weak to leave my bed and in absolute agony and severely mentally unwell and psychotic. I worked hard with psychiatrist to stabilize my mood and I haven't touched a drug since. I go re awarded custody of my 3 kids after a year clean and I've now got everything.
Last night I was very drunk and felt weak I arranged with a friend to go take coke. Saturday night when my mum can baby sit. But when I woke up I realized what a horrid mistake it would be for a million reasons one i got my kids ain't going to risk losing them again, two I got my life back my home nice things and have amazing holidays. I am generally happy. Lastly I know I am a addict and the coke will simply not be enough it will soon switch to injecting amphetamine again and I will lose everything and I don't think my body is going to take another period of using drugs I was very lucky to survive the first time.
I feel so ashamed that I was that weak I guess it caught me off guard as I haven't had a strong craving for about a year now so I let my guard down and that's why the craving got hold of me.
I am so ashamed I can't believe I seriously thought about touching a drug again not with all I went through really can't. I use to often use to the point id either have multiple seizures or overdose. At age 27 I was admitted to hospital for a weak on severe heart attack watch and my addiction was so severe that I walked out of hospital and shot up how could I even for a second think of going back to that life I was only a addict for 18 months but during that time I was badly beaten and raped by my ex, sectioned multiple times for hitting drug induced psychosis and homeless getting beat up by people purely cus of the track marks on my arm I even prostitute s myself for more drugs.
I feel so disgusted with myself I really do not many people have been where I was and come out of it completely clean can't believe I thought of chucking all my hard work away and everything I have. Hang on going to have to copy and paste two more posts to get the relationship problem.