Would you keep making a effort?

[onestepat]

I feel like I'm the one who makes a effort with this guy.
We aren't together officially.
It's always me messaging him first etc
I'm trying today not to text him first
It's hard
I don't want to play games or anything but at the same time I don't want to keep texting him making myself look desperate.
Would you do all day without contacting ?
See if he contacts me?

You need to wait for him to contact you. If he wants to, he will. If he's not interested, then he won't!

Nope. If you feel like you're chasing and not feeling like he's a full participant, then stop. Just stop.

Find something absorbing to do and put your phone in a drawer.

I made this mistake with my ex, he had me doing all of the running. The entire relationship followed that pattern until the day I ended it. He was not engaged with the relationship at all, and everything started to feel like a test with me being the one that was supposed to prove myself.
At the same time he didnt want to take any responsibility, and would excuse himself saying 'you knew what I was like'.

Can you say what the book is, who its by, and post a transparent link?

It's a spammer, just report.

Dating became easier for me once I accepted the simple fact that if someone wants to be in your life, they will demonstrate it. If it feels one-sided, that’s because it is one-sided. What is the reason you are not officially together? Do you want to be?
Don’t text him. And if he makes more effort, be careful not to fall back into this pattern where you are making all the effort.
When we have to ask these sorts of questions, we usually know the answer deep down.

Stop chasing, you look desperate

Yes just leave it, then it will show you how interested he really is.
Only put in the same amount of effort or he will always expect you to chase him.

Sunday he was hungover and was texting all the time for sympathy and attention.
Now he is back to normal he hasn't text all day.
Yesterday we text but I was initiating.
It's draining every day doing the same routine

@Lampan I want to be official but he doesn't.
Doesn't like to label things so he says

Not that into you: would move on.

Well unfortunately you have your answer. He knows how you feel and doesn’t feel the same. Not wanting to label things is bullshit. It just means he can move on guilt-free should something else come along.
I know it’s so hard but you need to stop contacting him (or end things). I promise in future you will look back and wonder what you were doing. He’s not bothered 🙁

Only message if he messages you back- his 'turn' and then your 'turn.' That way you don't appear desperate etc. If you texted last the night before, then it's his turn to txt the next morning etc.

I want to be official but he doesn't. Doesn't like to label things so he says

He's told you he doesn't want what you want. He's using you. To stick around in the hope he changes his mind would be wasting your time and demeaning yourself. End it.

I ended the conversation last night and he didn't bother replying this morning.
I think he is used to me chasing him now.
I can't be bothered
It's actually putting me off him

If you want to be official and he doesn't, end it. It means he wants to still see other women without the guilt. Don't let him use you or you will regret it.

I'm sure he's not the only attractive guy out there to you, look for someone else that wants a relationship with you.

Good. He sounds like a tosser. Move on.

If he was that into you, you'd know but I think he is using you. Don't become his doormat. There really are plenty of nice men around. Waste no more time or head space with him.

'He is just not that into you... '

Don’t chase him.

If he wants you and misses you he’ll text.

If he's gone all day to 1pm he isn't bothered is he?
Not even a hello etc

"I ended the conversation last night and he didn't bother replying this morning.
I think he is used to me chasing him now.
I can't be bothered
It's actually putting me off him"

Good. Don't keep making an effort when it's so one-sided. If a guy likes you enough, he will help make the running - he won't just leave it up to you. If it's always up to you to make the effort, it's because he's just not that interested. And that's his loss! Move on and find someone who properly values you.

You want it to be official.
He doesn't.

You want ongoing communication.
He wants it at his convenience, on his terms.

You're stressed about all this.
He's getting on with other stuff.

Walk away for goodness sake!

Maybe I'm being too clingy expecting so much communication when we aren't even together.

Sorry op, it's horrible when this happens, but he's just not as into it as you, definitely stop bothering with him, you deserve someone who wants to put in the effort. The right man won't leave you feeling this way.