Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

After lots of Arguing DP wants a break?!?

71 replies

Foxy456 · 10/06/2020 10:12

All me and DP have done for the last year is argue, about everything I feel like he has a major lack of respect for me and is allowing his ex to come between us.
He now says he thinks we should have some space to see if we miss each other because he’s had enough. I feel like we are in our 30’s and if there are issues we just need to resolve surely a break will just make things harder?

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 10/06/2020 10:19

If the same arguments are repeating over and over for a year then personally I'd want a break too, if it was going to resolve you'd think it would have done by now.

Ninkanink · 10/06/2020 10:20

I’d want a complete break after a year of arguing, tbh.

TorkTorkBam · 10/06/2020 10:20

You've had a year to resolve issues while living together and that hasn't worked.

TorkTorkBam · 10/06/2020 10:21

Why isn't it YOU pressing for a break if you think he has no respect for you?

Original poster
Foxy456 · 10/06/2020 10:27

We don’t live together, and that is a good question @TorkTorkBam I guess I’ve just allowed it so much so he has now become comfortable with treating me with no respect. A lot of the arguments are centred around lack of respect. We have had good times too but there is an argument every week now.

OP posts:
Jessy2903 · 10/06/2020 10:28

I'm not one that believes in breaks, you've had a year to work through things and you're still arguing over the same things.
I would try counselling with you both, failing that it may time to look at ending things, but since you've been trying for the past year with no resolution it almost seems like he may want this just as a way out? I could be totally wrong, but from past experiences.

BaronessBomburst · 10/06/2020 10:30

You don't live together, have argued for a year, and now he wants a break. The relationship is over. Let him go and move on. Flowers

ShouldISurrogate · 10/06/2020 10:32

My DP is adamant any guy who wants a break wants the option to sleep about but still come back to you after it.

If you don’t stay together you already have a break from each other and this is more separation than anything else.

vanillandhoney · 10/06/2020 10:32

What's the point in staying with someone who has no respect for you, and where you just argue all the time?

Life's too short.

Original poster
Foxy456 · 10/06/2020 10:32

@Jessy2903 I said that, I said if you’re that unhappy then just walk away let’s not waste time with a break. He just said he thinks it will do is good as even though we don’t live together our relationship is full on (his words) the issue I’ve got is, one day a few weeks back we argued and I just turned my phone off for 6-7 hours. I turned it on to txts from him saying how he’d missed me but not missed the arguing. His son will be asking him for me and asking to call me - so I just don’t think this is a great idea.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 10/06/2020 10:37

He sounds like he just doesn’t want to be alone. So the break is to see if he can find someone else and you are the fallback if he can’t.

You are right it’s time to end it. Or counselling
Work out what you want and do that

Treacletoots · 10/06/2020 10:41

Life is too short to be in a relationship where both of you want different things. That's the crux of it. You're arguing because

A. You have different needs, expectations that aren't being met with each other

B. He could be controlling and abusive, but given that he's the one asking for a break (i.e. a soft way to break up without too much drama) I'm not sure this is what's going on.

You don't live together so honestly I don't understand why you're putting yourself through such a stressful non compatible relationship when you could both amicably say, this isn't working, goodbye. (Although I think that's exactly what he's trying to do)

Let it go. This one's dead in the water.

Original poster
Foxy456 · 10/06/2020 10:42

@vanillandhoney you’re right but we have been through a lot to be with each other, hence the arguments. Lots has happened. I said I didn’t think a break was a good idea as I’m an over thinker and in my head he can do what he wants and use the excuse ‘we were on a break’ he got angry at that and said ‘cannot believe u think that low of me you think I’d jump into bed with someone else’

OP posts:
Original poster
Foxy456 · 10/06/2020 10:44

When we are together we never argue and we are totally happy. It’s when we are not together the issues come in, I’m massively insecure and an over thinker.

OP posts:
Treacletoots · 10/06/2020 10:44

Ah. 100% agree with @Rainbowqueen

Don't be his backup..

Ninkanink · 10/06/2020 10:45

‘We have been through a lot to be together’

  • sunk cost fallacy. Don’t stick with something that isn’t working, isn’t healthy and isn’t happy just because you think you owe some kind of long-term commitment to it. Crap is crap no matter what went before.
Trevsadick · 10/06/2020 10:47

Its been a year and neither of you individually or together have come up to resolve this.

It sounds like he wants a break from tea arguing.

You may miss eachother, but if you can resolve the arguing its not going to matter.

You say he let's his ex come between you and that you are insecure and an overthinker.

Is it a bit off both or is it your insecurity?

AlternativePerspective · 10/06/2020 10:50

I wouldn’t go into counselling with someone I didn’t even live with.

What are the arguments about exactly? You say that you’re insecure and that he has no respect for you, but he says he’s fed up with arguing? So what’s that about?

Are you accusing him of things he hasn’t done for instance?

Onemansoapopera · 10/06/2020 10:55

What are you arguing about?

A break is definitely a hiatus to see if you miss that person.. I had a planned 3 month break from my ex - and slept with 3 people in that time (it was f*cking brilliant) we then said if we wanted to be back together we would meet at a certain place. We both met there despite me having slept with others and him as it turned out having slept with his now fiancee. We were together a further 3 months whilst he cheated on me with her and then it ended for good. Moral of the story - breaks ARE always about looking at other options and tasting single life and you can rarely come back from them. I'm very happily married now BTW to my lovely DH. to move on you have to make the break, permanently.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 10/06/2020 10:58

I'd give him a permanent break. End it.

Original poster
Foxy456 · 10/06/2020 10:59

I accuse him of stuff, he allows the ex to cause issues. I don’t trust him (I’ll never trust anyone) I have been really badly hurt in the past. I overthink every situation. I am really depressed atm and I just feel like he’s not supportive.

OP posts:
metronome1 · 10/06/2020 11:04

How long have you been together?

Dozer · 10/06/2020 11:07

Sounds like the relationship is over, for him.

TorkTorkBam · 10/06/2020 11:07

Break up. Work on yourself. You are not good for him.

AlternativePerspective · 10/06/2020 11:10

You need to end it because if you’re still in a position where you’re expecting to be given leeway because of your past you’re not ready to be in a relationship.

Does his ex genuinely cause issues? In which case what are they? Or is it that you feel he should be ultra sensitive because of your past?

The fact you’re being so vague makes me think the latter.

Swipe left for the next trending thread