Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

After lots of Arguing DP wants a break?!?

71 replies

Foxy456 · 10/06/2020 10:12

All me and DP have done for the last year is argue, about everything I feel like he has a major lack of respect for me and is allowing his ex to come between us.
He now says he thinks we should have some space to see if we miss each other because he’s had enough. I feel like we are in our 30’s and if there are issues we just need to resolve surely a break will just make things harder?

OP posts:

Friend10 · 10/06/2020 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AlternativePerspective · 10/06/2020 11:55

Hang on OP.

According to a post you wrote in May he only moved out of the marital home seven months previous, so that’s eight months ago now and you’ve been in a relationship for two years, and one of those, including four months while he was living with his wife, you’ve been arguing.

Sorry but it sounds like the classic leaving someone for an OW and the grass not being greener.

What his ex did isn’t relevant. You were the OW, continued to be so for over a year and the affair should have ended long before the wife left him, assuming she didn’t just leave him because he was a lying cheating arsehole.

It’s no wonder you don’t trust him, you helped him cheat on his wife, so you know what he’s capable of.

Moral of the story: don’t get involved with married men.

Yeahnahmum · 10/06/2020 11:59

Walk away from this so called relationship. Will do you AND him a big favor

VettiyaIruken · 10/06/2020 11:59

Doesn't sound like this is going to work.
Of course you don't trust him. He cheated on his wife. He showed who he is.

I assume that you don't want to admit this has been a huge mistake because you were the ow and you need the 'true love' excuse to make you feel better about the affair.

Don't bother. If it's not working it's not working. There's no point staying unhappy to prove the the world the affair meant something.

It's ok to call time on it and I honestly think after the initial upset, and if you work on your own issues, you'll be happier.

backseatcookers · 10/06/2020 12:01

Oh it's you.

The man who would never put a woman before his child but left his child living with a mother he and you deem unfit and awful?

Tbh if you didn't have kids I'd say crack on and you deserve each other.

You were obsessed with his ex and how she couldn't move on. Said you love his child like your own yet apparently simultaneously want to limit the relationship between her and the child's grandparents while saying she is an unfit mother.

If your boyfriend wasn't a dick he would be going to court to gain custody.

You have kids. Grow up.

backseatcookers · 10/06/2020 12:02

I feel like even tho I have 2 children myself he’s all I have.

Also, this is such a hurtful thing to say about your children. Think about what you've said there... wow.

GoodUserName · 10/06/2020 12:06

OP I really urge you to seek help for your mental health especially if you've been considering taking your own life and have 2 children.

You desperately need support but not from this man as it's clear this relationship has to end but please make an appointment with your GP.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/06/2020 12:07

So there are at least 4 innocent children in this mess?

Bluntness100 · 10/06/2020 12:07

I think if you e only been together two years he’s half that the relationship has been poor and full of arguments it can’t continue.

I understand you have mental health issues, but are you doing something to get help? It’s not his role to support you in the way you’re suggesting. He’s supposed to be your partner. He matters too

Bluntness100 · 10/06/2020 12:10

Oh, is that Partly why you don’t trust him? He was cheating on his wife with you and so you suspect he will do it again ?

BorsetshireBlueBalls · 10/06/2020 12:11

If you are so insecure that you can't trust anyone, you shouldn't be in relationship. Work on yourself and sort it out. Sorry if that sounds unsupportive, but it's an impossible pressure to put on anyone, and you won't be happy with someone until you can be happy on your own. Been there. Done it. Still working on it!

pinktaxi · 10/06/2020 12:12

You're suffocating him when you're together and not trusting him when you are apart.

I agree with him you need time apart to decide if you are what each other wants. You need to use that time to get your own issues resolved. You cannot make a good relationship when you can't trust.

MaggieMay1972 · 10/06/2020 12:15

Constantly arguing would be a deal breaker for me too so I’m afraid I’d want a break too. And it wouldn’t matter what the arguments were about , after a year of it that would be me done.

BorsetshireBlueBalls · 10/06/2020 12:20

Oh dear. Have just read previous posts which give more context (BTW, what is the MN 'protocol' about searching on posters' previous threads? I get the feeling it's sort of disapproved of, but I see it all the time, - it does often feel as if people use it as an opportunity to pile on).

Look, OP, sorry if MN is your outlet and support, but I don't think, in light of the context, you're going to get very much here today. I'd beat a retreat if I were you - and I"d really get to grips with your own issues, so you can be the best parent you can be, before you start thinking about other relationships. I get it, it's hard and lonely, but you don't sound very happy now either. Good luck.

Trevsadick · 10/06/2020 12:36

So you were shagging him while he was with his wife.

Now don't trust him. Shocked that the relationship built on fucking people over isnt going well?

She isnt coming between you at all.

Ffs, this is a situation entirely of your own making. You got with someone you know is a cheater. Now think its ok to emotionally abuse him.

He is a dick. But, getting with someone in dodgy circumstances then punishing them for the circumstances, isnt ok. Its abusive.

BluebellForest836 · 10/06/2020 12:56

I don’t actually understand why your friends say how YOU put up with it ? Put up with what ...

From everything you have said YOU sound like a complete and utter nightmare!

Trevsadick · 10/06/2020 13:11

I have been and read the other threads.

Op, your threads added to either portray someone very controlling. Who is reqping the consequences of their behavior. You are involved in everything. You seem to thing you relationship will be more secure if you run this woman into the ground and make her disappear.

You want to rewrite history to negate your poor actions. Its her fault their relationship was poor, which is why he cheated. Its her fault his parents don't like you, she is a bad parent, no one likes her.

Yet this Prince of a man hasn't tried to get full residency of his child and left the child in a piss poor situation.

You and he 100% should not be together.

But i suspect you won't come back. Becauee when people point out how shit he is, how shit the situation is and how you are acting completely inappropriately, you disappear.

Nicolastuffedone · 10/06/2020 13:22

Well I suppose a relationship based on lies and deceit wasn’t ever going to be happy. The sneaking around would appear to have been much more fun than the reality of being together ‘properly’

backseatcookers · 10/06/2020 13:48

But i suspect you won't come back. Becauee when people point out how shit he is, how shit the situation is and how you are acting completely inappropriately, you disappear.

It's a shame I think this is true. If you hung around to take stuff on board and see a point of view from outside yourself, you would be able to grow as a person and stop this toxic and unhealthy relationship dynamic.

You're at a point where you explicitly say that you have children but this man is all you have.

You really need to re-evaluate your priorities.

needhandhold · 10/06/2020 15:45

What’s the point of having a break? You don’t live together anyway! You’re already on a break surely. This constant arguing and you’re not even living together is ridiculous. It’s too much hard work. Time to move on!

bigknickersbigknockers · 10/06/2020 16:21

I think you need to end it and move on. Your last three threads have been more or less the same and not one person has given you a way forward with this. Don't waste years on a relationship that's never going to work because you feel obliged to through guilt.

Flip

1 2 3