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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Private investigators

13 replies

stripeytiger · 23/09/2007 13:46

Was wondering if anyone has ever used one? Suspect bf might be seeing someone else. We have been together about 19 months, neither of us spring chickens. I have two small children 6 and 4. I love him but if he is mucking me about then I will ditch him, but trouble is I need to be sure as I don't want to throw away what we have. In a terrible state today as I can't get my suspicions out of my head. Using a PI might be the only way to get things confirmed or otherwise?

OP posts:

NKF · 23/09/2007 13:48

They cost a bomb. I do know that. You can probably find out a fair bit by snooping yourself. I hope things workk out for you.

ggglimpopo · 23/09/2007 13:48

If he hasn't been messing around and finds out you don't trust him and have been snooping with a pi, he might just ditch you....

Have you tried asking him?

lou33 · 23/09/2007 13:56

i would question why you would want to be in a relationship with someone you have so little trust of

theStallionOfSensibleness · 23/09/2007 13:56

a mum at schools dp is one

themoon66 · 23/09/2007 13:56

Can you not do your own snooping? Checking emails, texts, mileage on car etc?

sleepfinder · 23/09/2007 13:59

why not just come out with it and see what he says. He may be honest with you, he may be evasive, but at least you'll get a better idea (possibly...) and know what to do next
I don't think investing in a PI is going to help you

wildpatch · 23/09/2007 14:01

friend of mine has just found out they cost fifty quid an hour.
do you have that kind of money to invest in this relationship?

Original poster

stripeytiger · 23/09/2007 14:04

Thanks. NKF do you know what sort of money we are talking. I don't really know where to start on the snooping front. ggg - I hear what you say and you are right perhaps I should bide my time and ask him. I feel rock bottom today and can't think straight. Basically why my suspicions were aroused was yesterday he said that his wife from whom he is separated was going away for the weekend and so he was due to look after his 9 year old twins. He told me this a couple of weeks ago, said "I have a date for you, Sat 22nd wife going away for the weekend, I can see you on Friday and Sunday night but will have to babysit the children on the Saturday". Yesterday tea time I sent him a text message while I was out shopping around 5 pm. He replied saying that he would ring me early that evening as he was shattered. When I got home around 6 he had tried to ring about 5.15. He then rang again about 6.45. When he babysits he goes to the family home (he has a flat in the same town). I said are you calling from the house and he said no he would be going up there shortly etc etc. He had spent most of the day sorting out his car which he is showing at a car rally today. I asked who was minding the kids and he said the grandmother. Ok, the fact that he rang early for some reason got me suspicious, when we don't see each other he usually rings about 9 ish. Anyway, curiosity got the better of me, so I drove past the family house to see if his car was there, this was about 8.45 pm, it wasn't. He does have two elder children who could have in theory been babysitting but alarm bells were ringing in my head. This morning, around midday I drove past and his wifes car was there which I thought was a bit strange seeing that she was supposed to have been in Hastings. Not suspecting he is back with her but think he might have been out with someone else. This probably sounds weird but I can't stop thinking about it.

OP posts:

Original poster

stripeytiger · 23/09/2007 14:08

Lou33, I did trust him thats why I am with him, never had any reason to doubt him before.

OP posts:

theStallionOfSensibleness · 23/09/2007 14:08

paragrpahs

sleepfinder · 23/09/2007 14:08

he sounds like he's possibly not being entirely honest with you, but it doesn't necessarily mean he's having an affair

he may have chosen not to be detailed about the events / logistics & schedule becuase he figured you'd not need to know and you'd be getting on with other things...could this be the case?

I think some men are just not always completely straightforward / honest but that there's not always a big crime behind it...

themoon66 · 23/09/2007 14:08

Yes, I think I would be suspicious too under those circumstances.

I think you need to put him on the spot by asking him.... face to face, not on the phone. Then you can gauge his reaction.

NKF · 23/09/2007 14:31

I don't know how much exactly but it won't be cheap.

To be honest, everything you describe could have a perfectly innocent explanation. But you don't trust him and you're worried.

You can tell him what you fear and what you've done and see waht he says. Or you could keep your eyes open but not let him know you're worried. In the end, you will probably do what fits best with your personality.

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