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Original poster

Still sees his soon to be ex-spouse to visit their pet

56 replies

Rotationz · 10/06/2020 00:01

Been with someone over a year now and he’s soon to be divorced from his ex-wife (they were together for more than 10 years). He has been more than generous in the split of finances with her and it was a mutual split after drifting apart. He has always been open and honest about their communication (never hides anything) and always says I’m the best for him in all ways). He gave her custody of the pet but will go over there approx once a month at the moment to take it for walks (he seems super close to it and has a strong emotional tie to it) and has agreed to pay half the pet’s costs for food etc.

He lives walking distance from her and I had thought once the divorce was over, they’d drift apart to no regular contact (they only mainly talk about the pet at the moment anyway) from what he said but seems that might not be the case.

They have no children by the way.

How would you feel about that?

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 10/06/2020 00:03

Like he is a decent human being and likes his dog?
What exactly is your problem???
If he wanted to be with his exW - he wouldn’t be divorcing her.

Windyatthebeach · 10/06/2020 00:04

A woman I know shared custody of their labrador for ten years post divorce.. He had cheated on her and they had no dc!!
Be glad he is a ddog loving man!!

Butterer · 10/06/2020 00:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vikingwife · 10/06/2020 05:18

Curious as to why dog is referred to as a “pet” and also use of “it” instead of gendering the dog as male or female - either way OP you should start referring to the dog as a he or a she. Your partner obviously cares deeply for the dog. I’m sure you wouldn’t like someone referring to yours or any child as an “it”. You will get further if you stop sounding so cold towards the dog.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 10/06/2020 05:30

I think it's a bit weird. He could always get a new dog if he wants one that much.

stellabelle · 10/06/2020 05:46

He takes it for a walk once a month ? No problem to me.

LastRoloIsMine · 10/06/2020 05:49

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie

Its a living animal not a coat you can just swap for a new one

Ex and I have been separated 6 years and we share our dog. The dog goes to exes house with the children on contact days. I love my dog and would miss him terribly as would ex if he lived all the time with the other person.

OP he visits once a month thats not excessive and I would imagine once the dog dies that will stop.

EdithWeston · 10/06/2020 05:50

I find kindness to animals and attachments to pets to be attractive qualities.

Pickles89 · 10/06/2020 06:00

@thatmustbenigelwiththebrie

What a bizarre thing to say! Like 'It doesn't matter that your mum is dead, you can always go visit an elderly neighbour instead!' or 'You won't need to have your older kids over weekends now you've had a new baby with your lover'.

It's not an old xbox he's left behind, his dog is irreplaceable.

WhitbyGoth · 10/06/2020 06:05

Same as Ant from Ant and Dec, he shares custody of their dog, definitely no love lost between them other than the love for their dog.

PussGirl · 10/06/2020 06:49

My friend & his ex share custody of their now rather elderly dog. They swap her every month, even though they now live 200 miles apart, driving to meet halfway.

LJC1234 · 10/06/2020 06:52

He sounds like a decent man.

If me and my DH ever split up we would absolutely share the pets ! They are a huge part of both our lives .

TitianaTitsling · 10/06/2020 06:54

He sounds like a decent man definitely!! Are you jealous of the relationship with the dog?

Icequeen01 · 10/06/2020 07:26

I think it would make me love my DP even more as it would mean he has a heart of gold. How can you be jealous of a dog? I suggest you "give your head a wobble" as the good old MN saying goes!

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 10/06/2020 07:28

Dh and I agreed when we got our dog if we ever split up we would share custody like he was a child.
A pet isn't a piece of property you can easily walk away from.

TW2013 · 10/06/2020 07:37

The dog is part of his family. Have you had a pet as an adult? Will you be happy to get a dog (not as a replacement) because if he is a dog person he probably will at some point want another one, two or three. I can see that you had hoped that they would drift apart and are maybe jealous of the ongoing relationship, but a dog has a limited lifespan, you are not talking about decades as you would with children. I would embrace the opportunity, go for walks with the dog too. Suggest that you have the dog when she goes away etc. Get involved. If you are not keen on dogs then I suspect he is not the right person for you.

okiedokieme · 10/06/2020 07:40

We share our dog, nothing unusual about that. We also have dinner together. My dp knows about it (I have kids so it's an opportunity to catch up) I'm moving so will be less often but you don't stop being friends necessarily just because you drift apart emotionally, I care for exh, just not in the same way

Medievalist · 10/06/2020 07:41

Curious as to why dog is referred to as a “pet” and also use of “it” instead of gendering the dog as male or female - either way OP you should start referring to the dog as a he or a she. Your partner obviously cares deeply for the dog. I’m sure you wouldn’t like someone referring to yours or any child as an “it”. You will get further if you stop sounding so cold towards the dog.

^^ This

Medievalist · 10/06/2020 07:42

I think it's a bit weird. He could always get a new dog if he wants one that much.

Goady or thick?

SiaPR · 10/06/2020 07:44

He has been more than generous in the split of finances it wasn’t his to split, it was hers too anyway. I think you should not get involved, you sound like you will make trouble for this man due to his normal, adult relationship with his ex spouse. I feel sorry for her actually.

Angelonia · 10/06/2020 07:44

I think that sounds fine OP. I've never owned a dog myself but he obviously really loves the dog and once a month isn't excessive at all.

ItsLateHumpty · 10/06/2020 07:48

OP are you going to drip feed that the pet is a tiger or an iguana now?

If he’s walking distance to the ex and the pet, I’m actually more surprised it’s only once a month. Who pet sits when the ex goes on holiday?

NoHardSell · 10/06/2020 07:51

We share the dog and squabble over who has to have the cat (only when she's not listening). She stays with me really, I have a better garden with mice.

FloggingMoll · 10/06/2020 08:00

The dog obviously isn't the issue for you, it's the visiting the ex and the time spent at the house, am I right? Do you suspect he's not actually out walking the pet?

FWIW I think I'd be fine with it, though I am a bit of a jealous mare on occasion; but then, I love dogs. Where does he walk the pet? Can you join him on the walks?

Bluntness100 · 10/06/2020 08:03

I’d be fine with this too, a pet can become a family member basically, I see nothing wrong with him going to see his dog.

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