What would make him not want to be with me?

[whatsnewlussy]

(This happened before lockdown)
Met someone and immediately we got on so well.
We went on dates and he was so nice towards me.
We spoke every day and he seemed interested in taking it further.
He spoke about not sleeping with other women (he previously had a wandering eye )
Anyway everything was going great.
I had a operation (to check for endometriosis)
I wasn't feeling great for two weeks so didn't see him.
After the two weeks I text him asking if he wanted to do something on the Saturday (he made up some lame excuse )
Then I asked for the following Saturday (lame excuse)
We still spoke daily.
Then we organise a date for the Thursday.
Wednesday he texts me "look I don't want us to be a couple,it was meant to be fun and it's got too full on so I backed off"
He admitted to sleeping with two girls the two weeks I didn't see him.
We still text daily and did sleep together three more times he said that.
Did sleeping with them girls make him realise he didn't want commitment with me?
Did he enjoy the single life ?
Did he think if he slept with them girls he must not have liked me enough?

It’s not you, it’s him. Pick up your remaining self esteem and run before he eroded any more of it! You deserve so much better!

It's helpful to realise that you won't always feel like this. By keeping in contact you're prolonging it. Been there, done that. I look back on my own situation now and wonder why I was so hung on that guy. I wonder how I even found him attractive. The sooner you let go, the sooner you won't care. And the sooner you open yourself up to letting a better man in.

In a year you probably won't remember his last name or what colour his eyes are, I promise.

Next time someone says they used to have a wandering eye or someone else says that about them to you, listen to it and let it inform your decision making.

He's made a clear he doesn't want anything other than sex with you (yes he may have told you that too late) and you've continued to speak to him.

Why?!

He's not your boyfriend, he's not your friend. You have given him so much headspace when he isnt giving it to you and your relationship with him hasn't warranted the level of feelings you are experiencing now.

Try to use this as a lesson in why you need to keep your wits about you when dating.

I have to cut all contact don't I. I can't continue texting him when I know he will have slept with random women on nights out.

This goes without saying.

Forever wondering who he is texting and if she's funnier than me. It's gonna wreck my self esteem

Stop giving him headspace! He doesnt deserve it. Spend your mental energy on something more worthwhile: read Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood, and The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Barden. You will be glad you did.

Thanks everyone
I will take a look at those books,I'm always looking for new books to read.
It's true isn't it,I'm pinning after him like we've had some movie romance.
Far from it.
I was recovering from lap and he was sleeping with some girl he met that night.
I stupidly expected him to pop over mine that week(he didn't )

I have to cut all contact don't I

Yes. He is a serial shagger. There is NO chance of anything like a decent relationship with him.

I was like you once, I wish I'd listened to those who told me to walk awaym

You're too old for this shite! It will feel hard but cut contact and in a few weeks you'll be so so relieved.

He's being honest with you now and telling you he doesn't want a girlfriend. He's also told you about the other girls. He's not pretending you are his girlfriend and doing these things behind your back. He wants to be friends with benefits. You don't. He's not going to change. It's going to end in tears so move on now before you get too hurt!

He’s a player, not to mention a risk to your sexual health. Chalk it up to experience and move on.

He's a player will always sleep with other people when he wants too even if he's with someone. He has no feelings for anyone just for what he wants to do ignore him and move on he will never Change and if he starts to chase you don't go back he doesn't really want He just likes to get what he can't have and then gets bored. X