What would make him not want to be with me?

[whatsnewlussy]

(This happened before lockdown)
Met someone and immediately we got on so well.
We went on dates and he was so nice towards me.
We spoke every day and he seemed interested in taking it further.
He spoke about not sleeping with other women (he previously had a wandering eye )
Anyway everything was going great.
I had a operation (to check for endometriosis)
I wasn't feeling great for two weeks so didn't see him.
After the two weeks I text him asking if he wanted to do something on the Saturday (he made up some lame excuse )
Then I asked for the following Saturday (lame excuse)
We still spoke daily.
Then we organise a date for the Thursday.
Wednesday he texts me "look I don't want us to be a couple,it was meant to be fun and it's got too full on so I backed off"
He admitted to sleeping with two girls the two weeks I didn't see him.
We still text daily and did sleep together three more times he said that.
Did sleeping with them girls make him realise he didn't want commitment with me?
Did he enjoy the single life ?
Did he think if he slept with them girls he must not have liked me enough?

You must learn to recognise red flags and not be taken in by sweet words! And do read Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood, and The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Barden.

He's told you he doesn't want a gf. Listen to him! You want to be a gf. You are not compatible. Move on.

But learn to take notice of huge obvious red flags - such as you already knowing he was a player, friends warning you he's a player, him telling you he's a player.

Players are not waiting for some miraculous right woman to come along and open their eyes to the wonders of commitment - they don't want the right woman, they want lots of women. He's actively avoided relationships with lots of perfect women because he doesn't want a relationship! With you or anyone else.

There is nothing you can do to make him want a relationship. There is nothing anyone can do to make him want a relationship. The queen of Sheba couldn't make him want a relationship.

If he has said he doesnt want a relationship and he is sleeping with other women, and you carrying on sleeping with him....then you are accepting you are fine with that.

But your arent. He has been clear. Its sex. Thats it.

If you cant deal with that walk away.

Oh he’s just one of them that treats women badly and always will. They don’t change. He’ll end up either married to a doormat or living alone with no one who cares.

There’s no point worrying about what you did or didn’t do right. You can’t ask your dog to miaow & you can’t expect him to do the right thing.

you didn't do anything wrong, he just doesn't want what you do.
you're not still in contact with him are you?

We are still speaking yeah.
I'm not trying to change him,I know he doesn't want what I want.

He said he had been faithful the 5 weeks we were "doing our thing"

A whole five weeks. What a prince.

Wasnt anything you did. Im sorry you've been unwell , i hope you are better soon. Honestly like pp said you have dodged a bullet, its upsetting now but get out quick as he admitted himself he has a wandering eye and sounds like a serial womaniser to me, they are often very charming,they have to be! Sorry 💐

Oh love please, please stop talking to him!

He isn't your boyfriend and he isn't your friend - there's no need to still be talking to him.

As long as you're speaking with him he is taking up your headspace and stopping you moving on.

I know it's rubbish when you like someone and they don't feel how you feel but remember he's nothing special.

Sometimes we are more upset about feeling rejected than we are about the specific person rejecting us, if that makes sense?

Good grief ditch this shagger and move on.
Sorry he’s an arse and that you have been hurt by him...but really, what could possibly be encouraging you to retain any interest in him?

Look...what you’re basically doing is showing him that he can do what he likes with who he likes while you still hang around in hope.
Don’t be that fool.

He's showing you his true colours, believe him

You want a relationship, he doesn't. Why are you still putting yourself through this? You'll only get hurt

He’s a shagger.

If you’re happy being with someone who is in another woman every time he’s not with you then carry on.

(he previously had a wandering eye)

Nope nope nope bin 🗑

When someone tells you who they are, listen.

Look...what you’re basically doing is showing him that he can do what he likes with who he likes while you still hang around in hope.

This is really well put - please don't do this to yourself. You said you know you can't change him, so you know you can't be in a healthy relationship with him. And he is not your friend. There's no need to keep speaking to him, please do stop doing it

He's just not that in to you. (Watch the movie) if he was , he would treat you well. He isn't therefore he doesn't. Sorry to be blunt but don't waste your time second guessing everything you did and everything he said. He's not the one for you. Move on and aim higher.

I agree with above poster. He's not into you. It's nothing personal and it doesn't say anything about you but it's life and it happens sometimes. Move on to someone who deserves you and will treat you better.

Rule of thumb, if some tells you, early on in dating, that they 'used to be a player/have a wandering eye'. They are not telling you that because they feel differently now they have met you.

They are telling you that because they still are a player and still intend to shag about and if u call them on it they will then say 'well,I told you what I was like'.

Next time,believe people when they tell you what they are. And if they tell you what they 'were' assume they haven't changed unless they prove otherwise, consistently,over a long period of time.

I don’t understand why you’re still bothering speaking if you know he doesn’t want the same.

Stupid question but if you get on with a person and like them why don't you want to be with them?
Why sleep with random women when you can hopefully start something good?

Because you like being a free agent and don’t like them and get on with them enough to make a long term commitment.

Simple answer to the question is because they can. Quick run away before you get pulled in deeper.

Stupid question but if you get on with a person and like them why don't you want to be with them?

Because you don't want an exclusive, monogamous relationship.

Why sleep with random women when you can hopefully start something good?

Because you don't want an exclusive, monogamous relationship.

I know you're sad about it right now but the way this guy thinks is how many think, but don't tell the women they sleep with.

This guy has told you how he feels, made it clear and you need to act accordingly.

Stop talking to him! Now you know how he feels and what he wants, you have full disclosure and because you want something different you need to remove yourself from the situation.

Can you see that?