For those of you not with your children's dads...

[LittleTwiglet]

What made you finally decide to leave? How old were your children? Lastly, how the hell do you do it?

Mine were 2 and I was 7 weeks pregnant. On the day we married, I found out he had been cheating in the 8 weeks prior to the marriage.

It was my house, I kicked him out back to his mums. He stopped seeing my son, and prefered to spend his time with his new mates, on POF/tinder and gaming.

Don't know how I did it, but I did. My youngest is 5 now and we made it through this far!

He left me. Kids were 10 and 5. It's been three years now.

You adapted. Good routine. Both at home and with nrp having the children.

Go Day by day in the early days. Easy dinners. Early nights. And just do what you can. I was knocked for six when he first left. So it took me a while to find my feet. But me and the kids are a happy unit together now.

Mine were aged 4, 6 & 11. TBH I'd got to a point where he wasn't adding much value - worked every weekend, so I was full time mum on my own anyway, he was tight with money and as a SAHM I relied on him to tell me what I was allowed to spend and when, he didn't like doing anything with me or as a family, just wanted to spend his free time on his own, so I figured it wouldn't be much different if he wasn't here!

Turned out well, he's happier on his own, I share my time between being alone with the DCs and with my DP here, kids are happy and the time they spend with their dad is much nicer for them now he's not so stressed.

I get decent maintenance as XH earns well, and can now decide how and when to spend it. I also get time to myself with DP when the DCs see their dad, so all is well really.

Obviously it took a little bit of adjusting in the early days, but once we all found our new routines it was fine.

I had an affair.

XH was emotionally abusive to the point he isolated me from all friends, moved me away from family, made it almost impossible for me to go back to work,

Turned off the heating when he wasn’t there so I couldn’t have it on, put keyloggers on my computer, took naked pictures of me without my knowledge. Gaslighted me constantly, there’s a lot more but you get the gist.

I tried to leave on numerous occasions but he always swore he’d change, and things would improve for a while.

Then I stupidly met someone online, got talking and met up with him just once, but we slept together.

After that XH had valid reason to be the one who left me. He actually would have stayed but I realised that I finally had a way out and I didn’t have to go back.

He pays me decent maintenance but doesn’t see DC (his choice.)

Fundamentally I still disagree with affairs, and I didn’t even speak to OM again after. I suppose you could call it an exit affair really, although I know that some will paint me as some bitch who just screwed over her husband.

The final straw was him stealing money from me to fund his gambling habit.

I threw him out. I bought the house, paid the deposit and the mortgage was in my name. After seeing the struggle my DM went through as a SAHM and splitting up with my DF, I vowed never to be in the same position financially. I had already had my own house and my ex-H moved into it.

Life is easier without him. I make the rules, I do as I please and don't have to worry about him lying and gambling.

I found out he was cheating, we were together 4 years & I was about 5 mths pregnant. I was so hurt & so so sad. We split up & I moved into a small apartment alone. After the baby's birth I went to my Mum for a few days & when my baby was 2 wks old I moved back into my small city apartment. It was a long time ago now...I was in a bit of a fog for a while but proud of myself that I could cope without him. Thd day by day rationale works...and one day you realise you haven't thought about him since morning, then since yesterday..then a few days! We were fine, it wasn't easy but I saw very soon that I could be happier just baby & I than I would have been with him.

I started taking antidepressants which set me on a path that led to me leaving. The real turning point was someone overhearing him and how he was with me and the kids when he thought no one was there. The relief was amazing.

Apologies if that came across as me being full of myself. It wasn't meant that way. I know everyone has their own situation and managing financially or throwing your other half our isn't always that easy.

He left me when I was 5 weeks pregnant with twins, one survived, and he’s now 3 x

My DC were 5 and 2.

I had an affair also, after many years of unhappiness together.
Not proud of it, however I also wouldn't change it.
Life is too short to be unhappy and I realised that I didn't want my marriage to be the blue print my children had of what a relationship should be like.

Mine were all teens and I reckoned that the damage of staying was worse than the damage of leaving. He had abused me in every way, but a lot of people thought he was a nice guy. Took me ages to get out but feels fantastic to be free of lies bullshit theft and much more. Hope you can get away if that’s what you want.

Dd was 3 months old when exh was arrested for downloading indecent images of children. We had been together 9 years. I left that day and only saw him at the court case. That was nearly 5 years ago. I stayed with my parents for 6 months which really helped me get through everything.

Sounds so cliche, but my eventual decision was made with the support of a counsellor who understands abusive relationships who helped me to see that I didn't need to label my stbxh's behaviour as abusive to give me 'permission' to leave if I was unhappy in the relationship. Secondly, I did it so my 3 dc can be raised in a happy, peaceful and secure home instead of tiptoeing around the moods and tantrums of an empathy-devoid 'man'.

He left me, 3 children youngest was 7 he was a creep, always following young women on SM, found inappropriate messages, friendships with other women when he knew from the start I wasn't happy about that.
In the end I turned into a nervous wreck with severe anxiety, he kept making it out that he was all in my head. He controlled finances so I didn't have much money.
He left me to go and live with a female friend.
I wished I ditched him years ago, luckily I managed to get over it and moved on quickly, found a bf and he got jealous!

Childhood sweethearts who had drifted apart essentially, we parted in the sweetest way, so unbelievably amicable. The dc were 3 & 7, we continued to co parent and it was great, we even had a family dinner once a week and then he slept over with the kids in their room and in the morning we walked them to nursery/school.
I met someone else first and ex dh was pleased but obviously concerned but after meeting one another he was chuffed to bits and even used to come over and put the dc to bed etc so I could go out for the evening with my new dp (dc had no idea I had a boyfriend at this point)
Then he met someone. It moved very quickly, he moved away within 6 weeks to the other side of the country and she made it quite clear to him that the way we were was 'odd' and he was to severe all ties with me. She even contacted all his family and told them to cut me off.
10 years later, he is a stranger and a truly shit Dad. I don't regret leaving him but if I had known how things would have turned out for my dc, I may have considered staying in a boring but ok marriage.

Yes...the new gf who wants ex to limit contact/sever ties...that was my experience too. I find it amazing (as in shocking) that fathers (or mothers) would allow a new partner step in the way like that... ahead of his/her children. I had the same with my ex...my friends used to say he was doing it for an easy life..like 'happy wife, no strife, easy life' but how does their conscience let them. Anyway, we managed & it was clear to all tthen that he was (is) an arsehole for sure!

DS was 4 at the time. Relationship hadn't been good for a while. We were on day 2 of a weeks holiday when, yet again, x was only interested in getting drunk and watching sport. I got in the car around midnight, drive home, packed all his stuff into his car which was still at home, drove back for DS waking, gave him breakfast then handed x his car keys, told him I was done and took DS out for the day

It ended with me sustaining facial injuries caused by him.

I called the police and he was arrested. No charges were brought though as according to the CPS it was my word against his. I did try to save the relationship (as stupid as that is now looking back) as our child was just under 2 at the time and I wanted to keep our family together. He decided otherwise and turfed us out of his house.

I moved back to my parents in my early 30s, and had no option but to stay there for a couple of years.

I'm now mid-30s, own my own house and happily single.

His parting words to me were "I'm going to cost you so much money you'll be ruined" - court involvement, solicitors etc

Well I had the last laugh! It was far from easy but I'm in a really good place now, and I know for a fact it riles him every time he comes to my doorstep for collections/drop offs.

Every poster on this thread deserves

My DD was 7 years old. Exh was having an affair (he'd slept with her the day of DD's 7th birthday). I told him to go and I saw a solicitor the very next day. We lived in a property owned by his mother, who promptly served me with an eviction notice. Exh was surprised when I told him MiL had done me a favour as now I was eligible for social housing and was given a place in the village where my family lived (I know how lucky I was to get it and how quickly). He rang me in tears when he got the divorce papers and told me " If you'd fought harder for me I would have come back you know so this is all your fault".
I got through it knowing that I'd shown DD that no-one has the right to treat me or her like fools. A lesson she learned well as she dumped her previous boyfriend without a second thought the minute he told her to leave her much loved job because he didn't want a Gf who was earning more than him.

*Slept with OW obvs not DD.

Mine had an affair after 14 years together, children both in primary school, he moved in with ow straightaway and their baby was born 7 months later. It was hard but he did me a favour, I would have clung on until grim death even though we didn't really have anything in common and didn't really like each other by that point. However, 2 years later I met an absolutely abusive arsehole who wreaked untold damage on my life. At the time I thought I was ready to date with good boundaries. I wasn't and I didn't so be really careful as there are a ton of abusive men out there literally preying on single mothers with their shit together they can cocklodge with at best, and abuse at worse because your self esteem takes a knock

Was vulnerable when I met him and fell pregnant after 3 months. He said he would be a good dad he was awful even when I was pregnant and I walked out on him when my baby was 5 months old. As someone else said fell victim to some more abusive arseholes due to my vulnerability but now I have the most wonderful DP who is an amazing step dad and we are expecting our first child. The memories of everything still hurt and i think they always will but we are survivors

I found out mine was emailing hook-ups on work trips when I was pregnant with DC2. Took him back stupidly when DC2 was born. 4 months later discovered porn addiction, gambling debts and enormous tax bill - his solution was for me to go back to work even though I hadn't healed after the birth.
Split up again, gave it one more try 6 months later. I was desperate to give DC "stable" family but I couldn't even look him in the eye let alone anything else. he slept on the sofa for a couple of years then finally left when I found him a rental and gave him the deposit.
9 months later met DP who is everything ex is not. We are still together and while it hasn't always been easy, I finally understand what partnership means. He has my back, and I have his, we help each other and we work together. And we have the best chemistry 😎

He left when I was 6 months pregnant. He decided he didn't want family life, even though we'd been trying for a few years.
I don't get a penny from him and he's never seen his child.
I do it because there's no choice, there's only me, my family are hundreds of miles away and his are in another country.

I left him after finally having enough of his abuse. It was a marriage of many years of abuse and to this day he swears on his father's grave he's never been abusive. I quickly filed for divorce too.

Looking after my 3 kids, even on a demanding shitshow of a day, is 10 times easier than when he was in the picture. I have my own routine, make decisions without involving him and the kids and I have fun and are genuinely happy in our own bubble now. My parents are supportive too. I have a lot more money to spend on the kids now that I don't have to give him a chunk of my income for reasons that never made sense. He'd stopped contributing financially years ago. I too didn't want my children growing up thinking our marriage was normal/functional.