Is another divorce shameful?

[PloddingAlong123]

Hi there

I was wondering what people's honest opinions are.

I have been married 3 times.

The first I was pretty much a kid, 20. Then I married the father of my two oldest children 5 years after we divorced.

After some time we, too, divorced and I'm now on my third marriage which has has lasted 10 years to date

Here's my question. If a third divorce were to happen, would I be judged?

Perhaps difficult to say without knowing the reasons for each. But in theory, without that knowledge, what are your opinions?

Ty.

I wouldn't judge a 3rd divorce. I would raise an internal eyebrow if you went for a 4th marriage.

There's nothing shameful about leaving an unhappy marriage, OP. You have one life and you deserve to be happy.

Life it too short to be miserable and if someone was to judge you they weren't worth having in your life in the first place imho.

I'd not judge you for getting divorced if you were unhappy but if I were your friend I'd say perhaps marriage doesn't work for you.

Not from me. You've lived a life and know when to call it a day - an enviable skill.

People judge each other all the time for all sorts of reasons. I don’t think you can let your life be dictated by what other people will think of your actions. The kind of people who would judge you for 3 divorces would most likely judge you for the 2 divorces you’ve already had so they really aren’t worth worrying about.

No

Why worry about what other people think? If you're unhappy -leave. I would hate to think someone stayed in a awful marriage simply because of what other people might think.

I married dh number 4 nearly 5 years ago!!
Couldn't give a shit what anyone's opinion is!!

I think some people would judge. Personally i don't view marriage as different to a committed relationship so i wouldn't.

I don't it matters what other people think, they don't always know the reasons behind it or even if it was your decision, sometime people don't have a choice if they are not the ones filing for it, or if someone dies then why shouldn't marry again if you want to.

I have been married once and it ended because my ex ended it, I would like like to marry again if I find the right man.

so personally no I don't judge anyone because it's not my business.

No but I might be surprised.

Thanks for the replies.

Very interesting to see many say that they wouldn't judge, very reassuring to me.

I guess ultimately I wouldn't allow the judgement to prevent me from doing what I feel is right - I am just such a people pleaser and hate to let people down so I just wondered.

Really kind of you to reply xx

Windyatthebeach, loved your reply 🤣🤣

Of course some people would judge you.

The question is, do you want to live your life according to the potential judgements of other people?

Judged, no. However, on MN, if you were a guy, people would advise 3 divorces are a red flag so know that future partners may be wary

I would think you must be a very optimistic person to have married 3x. I’ve had one marriage and divorce and the idea of ever sharing a bathroom with a man again let alone marrying one fills me with dread.

I wouldn't judge you. I've always said, as someone who is on their second marriage, by a third divorce most people would think I was the common denominator.

You shouldn't stay in an unhappy marriage just because people might judge you x

My brother has been married three times - first time too young and nice but not really suited, , second was a disaster waiting to happen and the third is very happy and totally right for both of them.

He’s quite a lot older than me so was on his 2nd divorce when I was entering my 20s - it wasn’t that I judged him, but it definitely made me more cautious about getting married myself.

I wouldn't judge you. I have seen some very judgemental comments on MN however, including that old trope , 'marriage is for life'. I did point out that they would maybe hold a different view if their husband turned into abusive arseholes. People lack imagination, and sometimes would rather you confirmed to expected norms than were actually happy, which seems very sad, and in many cases, misogynistic.

No, I would think you were brave for making the choices that work for you!

I think it's very worrying. Or rather what's worrying is that you rush into marriage. Actually not just you. With the divorce rate do high, we have to question why so many people get it wrong.

Maybe you didn't have the personnel skills to recognise that the person you chose didn't have the right traits /personality to suit you. Long term.

Do you think you are better at that now?

People would probably judge my mother - she's been divorced 3 times. First to an abusive guy who tried to kill her when she left, 2nd to my dad, who left when he had an affair with one of my mum's friends and 3rd to a widower who clearly remarried before he had got over the death of his first wife and he realised within 6 months of remarrying. I wouldn't judge, but her partner of 17 years won't get married and makes little jokes all the time about how many times she's been married, which is sad, as she'd love to marry him.

That is an interesting question, would I judge you? We all judge, doesnt mean a negative thing but I know that is what you are asking.

I think I probably would judge you in these ways - positively, that at least you are brave enough to get out of something that isnt working. Negatively - I would wonder if all 3 divorces were for the same reason and why you keep trying.

But that is maybe because once was more than enough for me!

My initial reaction was .

More, I think, at the optimism of getting married three times - rather than being divorced 3 times.

I'd judge you more for staying because of the fear of what people would think, than for divorcing number 3.

Do what makes YOU happier.

Though, for your own sake -maybe get some counselling before you throw your lot in with anyone else 🙇🏻‍♀️