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Original poster

Female friend and holiday

56 replies

lamaspyjamas · 05/06/2020 13:34

My DP of just over a year has just announced that he's going on holiday when lockdown is lifted - with a single woman! I am totally stunned, surely he can see this is not acceptable?

OP posts:
babycakes1010 · 05/06/2020 13:39

I wouldn't be happy....why has he not discussed and invited you

Smallgoon · 05/06/2020 13:39

Would you be fine with it if the friend was male? Who is this female? How long have they been friends?

NoMoreDickheads · 05/06/2020 13:40

I know we're all supposed to pretend to be cool with stuff like that nowadays maybe, but in reality I think most women wouldn't be comfortable if their boyf/partner did that.

Myyearmytime · 05/06/2020 13:42

What...
I don't think this man thinks he your partner ....

NoMoreDickheads · 05/06/2020 13:42

@Smallgoon It's one thing for a bloke to have female friends, but another for him to go off on holiday with one, just the two of them.

LillianBland · 05/06/2020 13:42

Tell him you hope he has a lovely time, then tell him you’re so relieved he has told you as you were debating going away with (insert male name, group of male friends), but you’ve now decided to go then watch his reaction. 😉

Hailtomyteeth · 05/06/2020 13:42

Don't fall for the MN line 'men and women can be friends'. If he's off alone with a woman he's looking for/getting a shag. Let him go, permanently.

AnotherBoredOne · 05/06/2020 13:47

Why?
Where ?
And who?

Original poster
lamaspyjamas · 05/06/2020 13:52

@NoMoreDickheads - exactly!

I don't mind him having female friends, I've met her, they've been friends for years, I'm not worried when he hangs out with her, but to go on holiday? Just the two of them?

OP posts:
mintich · 05/06/2020 13:53

Is it already booked? They've obviously planned it and only just told you. I'd be breaking up with him

Smallgoon · 05/06/2020 13:53

if it's a purely platonic relationship, and has been for years, I don't see what the issue is. Does she have a partner? Are you friendly with her? I don't see any reason why you can't be invited along.

Smallgoon · 05/06/2020 13:58

*ooops, sorry. Missed the part in your first post that she was single.

I'm not being facetious but I have a lot of male friends, and it wouldn't be unusual for me to go on holiday with them. Equally, I have a male friend who has lots and lots of female friends. He has a long-term girlfriend but does go away with his female friends - he also has his female friends come and stay with him - he has moved to Brighton from London. I don't see why people can't have a platonic friendship with the opposite sex without this arousing suspicion.

Original poster
lamaspyjamas · 05/06/2020 14:04

Nothing is booked yet, he said they were going to see what happens with lockdown. And I can't get time off work in the next 2 months so couldn't go. So maybe it's not that bad? I'm confused, it just feels like such a strange thing to do, and he was so flippant about it.

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 05/06/2020 14:04

...did he say why you aren’t invited?? I’m guessing you’re not living together?

FinallyHere · 05/06/2020 14:08

If they are part of a special interest group or sport, I would not think twice about a holiday to attend an event or take part in a race.

Could it be that sort of thing ?

Original poster
lamaspyjamas · 05/06/2020 14:15

No, no special interest, just going somewhere and drinking and relaxing

OP posts:
Yeahnahmum · 05/06/2020 14:20

I have a male best friend for so many years now, that I would happily go on a holiday with him. But only if my oh was new or semi new. Not after over a year. And espcially not just after lock down had been lifted. Your oh should have wanted to go on a holiday with you more then anyone and the fact he is not wanting to do that says quit a bit I feel Sad

Treacletoots · 05/06/2020 14:25

Hmm. I've got plenty of very good male friends but I'd not be going on holiday with them over DH. He seems to think he's still single and that your feelings are irrelevant.

Something isn't quite right here OP.

walkingchuckydoll · 05/06/2020 14:29

Not happening in my house.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/06/2020 14:31

I normally argue for man-woman friendships. I think it's weird people have an issue with them.

This? Hell no.

JustC · 05/06/2020 14:31

I truly believe we can have good friends of diff genders. For background, when met my now husband one of my male bfs was sometimes having sleepovers at my place, in same bed and hubs understood. Hubs was at time having to share a bed with female collegue/ftiend when away on location, and I understood. But even then I would have thought what ur husband is saying a bit weird, from either of us doing it. Not sure how helpful I am being. I would think it nornal that if he wants to share a holiday with someone, it should be you. Unless he is forced to take his holiday days by his employer at a certain date, why can't he wait for when you can have yours?

famousforwrongreason · 05/06/2020 14:32

I let something like this slide early in a previous relationship. it happened again with a different woman.
Trying to be cool and all 'men and women can be friends' bullshit ended up with me being taken for a mug, lied to and feeling a complete dick

LittleWing80 · 05/06/2020 14:34

Nothing is booked yet, he said they were going to see what happens with lockdown. And I can't get time off work in the next 2 months so couldn't go.

What’s the emergency? Do they need to go immediately after lockdown when everyone else will be going too? Why not plan a holiday with you?

Confusedandhurt75 · 05/06/2020 14:38

See I have a male friend that if there was ever a time be it his stag do or like a "mates holiday" this wouldnt be an issue as we have known each other for nearly 20 years and my partner knows that there would never be anything more between us, hes like a brother.
But I would never consider it with any of my other male friends and certainly not just me and a guy, I'd rather go away with my partner.

Just tell him your not comfortable with it or ask if he could do it at a time when you could go aswell.

famousforwrongreason · 05/06/2020 14:38

Taking the piss