Sorry if this turns into a long one...
I have been receiving therapy through work, for the past 8 weeks, after experiencing a massive lapse in my mental health. I have a long history with depression, but for the best part of 11 years, I have managed to cope 'by myself'.
I struck up a friendship immediately, with a colleague when I started my job a year and a half ago. They are senior to me, but do not directly line manage me. For the most part; it's been great, full of laughter, respect and trust. Though not to say it's always been smooth, as we both acknowledge we have the ability to push each other's buttons, and fall out from time to time.
This colleague picked up pretty quickly, that I wasn't 'right'. And was quite persistent, until I eventually opened up. Initially, they were supportive and encouraging of me to use the support service.
Unfortunately, I've had quite a few hiccups in trying to organise the session times, without the fear of other colleagues finding out. I came to them for help/support with this, but after some flimsy suggestions, and never checking to see if I resolved the issue, I didn't come to them again.
A couple of weeks ago, we had in service training booked for the same morning as my therapy. Initially the time slot I was booked onto, did not clash..... until it was changed. I have a terrible habit of checking my work emails even on days off, and thankfully in this case it was the right thing to do. My colleague has changed my slot so it was the same time as my therapy. Despite knowing the time of it, and of course me coming to them originally for an alibi!
It made for some uncomfortable discussions the next morning, as I had to lie to colleagues as to why my slot was changed again. I felt awful. I hate lying, and feel like I am spinning one massive web, that I will eventually cock up on.
This has left me feeling so vulnerable, let down and hurt. I opened up to this person about the most personal, hardest of things. The biggest skeleton in my closet. And I feel like they have betrayed that trust. How can I possibly trust them again? It surely proves that this person, doesn't in fact give the remotest damn. And has some audacity to call themselves my friend.
I know that I need to accept that, and try and move on. But we have to (at least) work in the same department for the foreseeable. We've barely spoken since, but I'm pretty sure they know I'm upset - though will claim they don't know why.
Should I let them know how this has made me feel? Or should I leave it?
Thank you for reading and sorry it was long.