His mum is an issue? Follow up thread

[MamaOl]

For those who knew about my previous thread:

He’s been ignoring me for two weeks straight now and it’s really affected my mental health
My family say they are worried about me so much I’ve had to move in with them as they don’t trust me to be alone at home
I don’t focus on my son
I only focus on him
He just won’t talk to me and I have tried absolutely everything I can

What do I do now? I haven’t contacted him since Sunday thinking he will message as I’ve stopped but all he’s done is upload a pic on fb with him smiling with a beer in what looks like a pub,
I don’t know if it’s to get at me but it has.

I can’t cope anymore

I didn’t see your first thread

But you what people are going to tell you.

This is not fair to your child that you have no interest in him only your ex. It’s been 2 weeks - Do not let this continue for your child’s sake.

Immediately (now) delete him from social media delete his number and if you feel you cannot cope and your obsessional thoughts are taking over your life, call your GP

Break ups are absolutely awful. And you will need time to heal. But you need to focus on your child

Forget about him and focus on your child! He needs you, your ex doesnt

Read the thread now
Please please for your own sake and dignity... stop contacting him.
If someone wanted to talk to you - they would. What example are you setting your DC? That it’s ok to harass someone into talking to you? That even if your relationship is absolutely shit, you still want them back? That your relationships are more important than your child? That you can’t live without a man?

You managed without him before and you will manage again. You need to put this one down to a lesson learned about what kind of person you want in your life

Bump 😔

Sorry I haven't read your previous thread, but your child should come first in any situation.

You are a mother, your needs come second.

You sound very immature. Read your original post. If you know you are neglecting the needs of your own child, do something about it.

I remember your previous thread although I didn't read all of it. As other pp have said, you really need to stop contacting him. His actions have made his feelings quite clear - he is not interested. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh OP. Please gather what dignity you have left and block him on everything. He sounds like a total pillock and you and your DC deserve much better. 💐 for you

Honestly, stop wishing for someone who hasn't treated you right. We often yearn for the potential of a relationship but the reality is very different.

Enjoy being with your child. Relish the time you have together - your ability to enjoy it will increase when you manage to shift your focus from the ex. You haven't lost anything. You've gained the opportunity for a happy, fulfilling life.

Get therapy. This will support you and give you the tools to frame it all differently

It’s just so hurtful to me that he’s ignored me for two weeks. I stopped messaging him on Sunday but still haven’t heard from him yet even though I thought me stopping contact would get him to message as thought that’s what he’s doing?

Stop this. Are you going to ignore what everyone else has said to you?

Why do you want to hear from him? He is a 40 something absolute loser who has treated you and your DS like crap

@menora Because after everything I’ve said to him by text or letter he’s still not even acknowledging my texts with any response whatsoever and it’s so hurtful to me imo 😔

Why are you surprised? This man has told you he doesn't love you, hides you away from his mother and plays games. This is who he is, he is in his forties and not suddenly going to change. You need counseling to stop this emotional self destruction. Why would you want any contact with him under any circumstances.

Hes not going to acknowledge what you said so stop expecting him to. Hes made his feeling clear by ignoring you. I know it's hard but you've got to move on. Concentrate on your DC. Try and distract yourself every time you think of him. Do things which you enjoy, watch films that make you smile. It will get easier

Original thread for anyone that's interested

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3908709-His-mum-is-an-issue?pg=1

I don't know why you're bothering with this man OP. He's clearly not interested. Give yourself some time to get over him, recover your self respect and spend some time on your own with your son before you think of dating again. Then find someone nearer your own age who isn't still living at home with mummy and under her thumb. Find someone who puts you first and treats you with respect. There will be someone out there. Don't settle for this loser.

@fairycake2 he won’t ever contact me again? This is one of my theories that I will delete his number/off Facebook and then he’ll text me and say “well I was gonna text you I just needed time”
And then the fault lies back at my door 😫
Really struggling with this theory as I think he might do it

I thought you broke up with him?

No, he wont contact you and even if he did, why would you want him to?

@noyoucannotcomein I did but I regret it so much as he won’t even acknowledge I exist now as I’ve said I’m sorry for what I said 😭😭 I really have tried to contact him so much and got nothing back

This is your third thread and you're taking no notice of what people are saying.

Whether he is a rotten person or not, you made your choice and he owes you nothing now. He's alive and well. He just doesn't want to speak to you.

Move on, for your sons sake. This attitude isn't going achieve anything for either of you.

You’re setting yourself up for his family to suggest you aren’t capable of looking after your child who then may take steps against you.

You really need to get over it for your child.

Men come and go but your child is part of you and way more important.

So basically you dumped him to try to get him to chase you and declare undying love. You knew he didn't love you, he told you he didn't love you, so why are you surprised that he is now acting in an unloving manner? Is your plan to chase him down and insist you stay together and he can continue to treat you with utter contempt and you will lap up whatever crumbs he tosses your way? Because that is not a great plan for a happy life. Give your head a wobble and consider your DC in all this, if nothing else.

He is clearly done and really, you should be glad as he hasn't treated you well, but it will take time to realise that. You really need to block and move on, your son needs you.

God your poor DC.

I was on your last thread and felt very sorry for you, now I just feel sorry for your son
This awful mummy’s boy who has very clearly said he doesn’t love you is ignoring you - good. He is doing you a huge favour, so stop thriving on the drama of it and being a victim and look after your child properly.
Maybe harsh but you seem to have no idea what a normal healthy relationship looks like, is there a pattern of this? I understand you aren’t with your child’s father, was that also a negative relationship?

@hoppinggreen I feel like he’s punishing me and he’s playing a game with it and after a brief period he’ll get back in touch if I stop contact. My son’s father left me when I was 5 weeks pregnant - haven’t seen him since so not relevant x

You're hurting because he's ignoring you. I get that. Heartache is awful, all encompassing.

But think about how your DS must be feeling - hurt that his mummy isn't giving him attention.

Surely you can see that you need to focus on your child? Your DS deserves to feel loved and wanted. Can you hand on heart say that you are giving him what he needs?

Your ex isn't coming back, you deserve to be happy, and you will be again.

But It's time to put your DS first.