I need a rant about my mother, and how overbearing she is with her demands for me to take responsibility for her life.
She constantly asks for so much off people with a sense of entitlement that you her owe what she needs. She does not work. This was partly due to mental illness years ago but for the past few years she’s been making excuses not to. She will often, often!!! Play the victim. It’s like making up this victim scenario is what gets her by in life. I’ve tried helping her in the past setting her life up, getting a home for her. She has often had solutions to every single one of her issues but it’s like she enjoys playing the ‘poor me’ card.
She asks me a lot for money. Every week maybe. She lives with her son who is a few years younger than me who also is also entitled. He lives like a child in her home and rinses her. Will not cook for himself etc. He’s 25. He’s had so many job losses over his attitude not getting his own way at work I’ve lost count. At the moment he’s managed to keep one for the first 2 years of his life. He earns more than me. But for some reason barely pays anything towards her rent and he blows the rest on himself. If you need an idea of how much money He spends, over the past two years he Must be on to his fourth or fifth sports car. He will buy these, spend thousand on the insurance, pull them apart, kit them up, reckless drive, write them off, buy another outright in cash. Rinse and repeat. My mum is constantly asking for ‘scraps of coffee’ she is that skint. I know the first thought is to blame by brother for his shitty behaviour towards her, but she encourages it from him. I’m here working full time but having to feed my DD and run my home. Before I met my partner I had no savings at the end of the month as my income was stretched. She will not ask him for money because ‘He is only a baby’ and ‘but he works so hard for it’ or ‘but he has just bought another car so he doesn’t have any’ and instead expects me to fund her instead.
If I say no to her, she will make me feel so bad that I either give in, or she will send me nasty passive aggressive messages. I have called her outright once after she had me in tears for going on a night away with my partner to the theatre after refusing her a 100 loan. The night had been planned for 2 months and I wouldn’t have been able to go if I had loaned her.
She’s constantly asking for favours. Constantly. During lockdown it was ‘will you go to the shop for me’ or if you are ‘passing can you drop a scrap of washing powder off...’ (knowing full well i will just buy her a box, and if I say no, she will make me feel bad because it’s “only a scrap” of washing powder). Will you nip here for me. She knows I’m self isolating. She messages me every day with these demands. I live 20 minutes away from her so it’s a 40 minute round trip. I am working from home full time. I am homeschooling. She knows I can not run my daughter around here there and everywhere in the current conditions. Her son is furloughed at the moment but is ‘ Too busy working on his car’. She lives A 2 minute walk from the shop. She has no commitments.
She used to do this when I was working 2 hours away. I would leave the house for 6, get to work for 8, not Return home until 7 most nights. She would ask me to do a full shop for her on the way home from work, maybe twice a week, when I was knackered and all I wanted was to get home, get showered, put the washing on and eat. With the money she borrowed off me. She could have easily been shopping in that time I was working. If I said no she made me Feel bad because I was ‘passing the supermarket anyway’. She has often bitched about me to
her sister making me look like the ungrateful daughter. If I ignore her messages about favours, she will sent passive aggressive messages like ‘oh its fine I’ll just starve then’ or ‘I’ll hide from the bailiffs I’m sure they won’t find me’.
I confronted her after the theatre incident. She denied it all. And then it settled for a bit about the money, she never asked until Christmas came when she ended up getting a loan for a lavish Christmas of food and gifts, knowing she couldn’t afford repayments and would could just ask me to pay it back.
Yesterday she asked me to loan 40 for council tax as she was in trouble. I asked her how much she owed. She said 80 but she planned to pay a bit and then pay more when she could. I told her it might be better to ring them up and ask them to make a payment plan and put a few quid extra on her bill over the year to spread the cost, rather than borrowing off people and wondering where she will scrape the money up to pay people back. She said she will thInk about it. I gave her a perfect solution To her problem but she messaged back and said ‘I’ve thought about it and decided to pay the 40 now instead’. Meaning of my money. She had a solution for her issue and she decided It was my responsibility to pay it.
I don’t mind helping her out here and there but by doing so I am feeding in to my brothers lifestyle and their ridiculous head in the sand attitude to responsibility over their lives. I’m so very fed up. She’s been like this as long as I can remember and I just needed to write it all down.