Really don't know what to do!

[Miss2009]

I'm a 32 year old female and I've been with my boyfriend, who is two years younger, for just over 10 years. Our relationship has never been plain sailing. We broke up a few times at the start of our relationship and got back together because we love eachother. I cut back on talking about marriage and having kids as he kept feeling pressured. Years went by and just before my 30th birthday I started talking about having kids in the future. He freaked out and said he never wants kids. This was a shock to me because I have always envisioned having a family, even more so with him, and the thought of not having that is heartbreaking. We talked about it some more and he said having kids is a possibility. Whenever we have a disagreement now, he goads me by saying he's never having kids with me and arrogantly smiles about it. I end up getting upset and think about ending the relationship. Then he apologises and we try to resolve the situation but he ends up saying, maybe, at the possibility of having kids again. Someone recently asked us if we have plans to marry and have kids in the future. I told them we talk about it and it's in our plans. However, his response was that kids weren't in his his plans and has apparently told family and friends that we don't plan on having kids. I feel that I should end the relationship and move on because the thought of not having children kills me. The thought of not being with him breaks my heart. My self esteem isn't great. He's been my one and only boyfriend. I feel if I leave him I won't find anyone else or have the family I've always dreamed of and end up alone for the rest of my life.

So glad to get to this page and see you talking about getting rid of him! Yes!!!

He sounds nasty and cruel. Some men are so arrogant - think they call all the shots, disregard what you want and feel and expect you to do as you're told. I bet he'll be very indignant when you dump him.

When I was in the early days of my relationship with my husband he told me he never wanted to get married again (had had an earlier and brief unsuccessful marriage) and never wanted children. Fair enough I said, though I never hid the fact that I wanted both in my future.

When people asked if I wanted to get married and/or have children I'd say "yes once I meet the right person". He used to get very offended by that but I would point out that was silly as he'd said he didn't want those things and I wasn't going sacrifice them or to play games and pretend I didn't. Neither was I going to try and persuade him. He wanted us to buy a house together and I refused because there didn't seem any point if our long term future wasn't together.

It so happens that he changed his mind and we did get married (20 years this year), two children and a jointly owned house. But I would have walked away if he hadn't changed his mind. I would have been very upset, but there would have come a point whereby I would have had to free myself to look for other options.

OP, free yourself!

He clearly doesn't want to have children, and if you want kids yourself, you have no choice but to leave, or live in regret.

I'm really anxious about the stages of dating. I don't want to dive into the dating pool straight away. I need some time to heal. I was the one who asked my boyfriend out ten years ago, after our first date. I was asked out by guys when me and my bf split before but they didn't evolve into anything. I really don't know where to start or how to be sure the next dates I go on will evolve into anything 🥺

You would be insane to start dating immediately. Get back to being yourself, whatever that is, that's buried right now. When you are yourself then you can start looking for someone who might be compatible with you.

OP, it's highly likely you will meet someone else and have the family you want, in the future.

If you stay, it's sounds very unlikely you're going to get what you want.

It is better to leave now while you still have time to have kids and find the person you want to create a family with.

Look at it this way, if you stay with him you'll never be married or have kids. If you leave him, at least there's a chance you will. Also there's also the option of having dc on your own.

You need to be anxious on behalf of your future children. Why on earth would you choose this unpleasant half arsed prat to be their father? Why would you do that to their poor future lives?

It isn't just about you when you are contemplating children.

I'm getting a lot of anxiety from some of my friends 'single' statuses on fb 🤯 I know a few people on there that have been single for like ever! TBH they do use PoF (which I would never do) Also, I keep thinking back to when I was in my teens and early twenties why no one would ask me out 😬 Tbh when I met him I had stopped looking for a specific type of guy and started going out with my friends more and getting a little bit of attention. I'm so worried about being single and alone 😔

You'll only find freaks and losers if you see being single as this awful catastrophe. Being single has tons of pluses and you should use some time to really find yourself and like yourself. Being competent on your own, making your own decisions, not being answerable to someone is gold.

You're 32, you have time to find a decent man and have children, but if you're desperate to be with someone your standards are going to be very low.

You’re only 32! My SIL divorces her husband at 35 as he didn’t want children. 3 years later she’s married to a much better guy and has a daughter.
Don’t let your anxiety stand in the way, kick him out!
If it’s any help I met my DH two weeks into being a member of match.com so it does happen.