Really don't know what to do!

[Miss2009]

I'm a 32 year old female and I've been with my boyfriend, who is two years younger, for just over 10 years. Our relationship has never been plain sailing. We broke up a few times at the start of our relationship and got back together because we love eachother. I cut back on talking about marriage and having kids as he kept feeling pressured. Years went by and just before my 30th birthday I started talking about having kids in the future. He freaked out and said he never wants kids. This was a shock to me because I have always envisioned having a family, even more so with him, and the thought of not having that is heartbreaking. We talked about it some more and he said having kids is a possibility. Whenever we have a disagreement now, he goads me by saying he's never having kids with me and arrogantly smiles about it. I end up getting upset and think about ending the relationship. Then he apologises and we try to resolve the situation but he ends up saying, maybe, at the possibility of having kids again. Someone recently asked us if we have plans to marry and have kids in the future. I told them we talk about it and it's in our plans. However, his response was that kids weren't in his his plans and has apparently told family and friends that we don't plan on having kids. I feel that I should end the relationship and move on because the thought of not having children kills me. The thought of not being with him breaks my heart. My self esteem isn't great. He's been my one and only boyfriend. I feel if I leave him I won't find anyone else or have the family I've always dreamed of and end up alone for the rest of my life.

We rent a flat, which my Dad bought for us. I pay my Dad the rent and all the bills are in my name.

Who owns the flat - you or your dad ? As you say you pay rent, I assume it’s your dad and you have a tenancy agreement . Is that agreement in your sole name or both you and your partners names?

My Dad owns the flat. We never had a tenancy agreement. I own a 10 % share of the flat, which my Dad has in writing.

Kick him out. No need for a conversation. Just tell him that the relationship is over.

He doesn't need to approve of your decision. He doesn't need to understand why. You just need him out of your Dad's flat and out of your life so that you can move on.

Yes, you're going to be sad for a while. But he likely is the cause of your low self esteem. It's hard to feel good about yourself when the person who is supposed to love you is treating you so cruelly.

Can your Dad help to evict him, if necessary?

You will want to talk about this to someone who will understand and sympathise and support you. That ain't him, so don't bother.

Do you have a friend or family member to talk to in real life?

My Dad can help to evict him. I've got a couple of friends and family members I can talk to.

I think it would be reasonable to give him 7 days notice to arrange somewhere else to go. Tell him this and follow up with an email.

You are not evicting him because he’s not a tenant or a lodger if he doesn’t pay rent or have an agreement . He’s just someone living in your dads flat who is an “excluded occupier “

Letting agents are still working although some are only doing virtual viewings. So he should be able to find somewhere else to live.

I wouldn't give him 7 days. No way. It would 7 days of hell. 24 hours is all he needs or deserves.

I know it wouldn’t be fun. But it’s not reasonable to kick him out in 24 hours , that’s not long enough to rent somewhere else. He’s not violent and although he’s verbally abusive, the Op has been putting up with it for years.

It also sounds like he’s been telling her for years that he doesn’t want kids, it’s just she always hoped he’d change his mind. It’s taken her until now to actually believe him.

The father should give him written notice by email after the Op has told him it’s over.

Just my opinion anyway.

Just to second what everyone else has said. Some men never want to grow up and take any responsibility. He’s 30 now and hasn’t changed the way he thinks. Move on to someone who can actually commit and wants to marry you. He will waste the best years of your life (childbearing years also) stringing you along and dangling children like a carrot. Bin him off and find a better man! You’re young and deserve better!

How will he behave in the 7 days if you tell him it is over but he can stay for up to 7 days while he finds somewhere to rent/crash?

Nice or nasty?

Manipulative or respectful?

The sooner you end it the better, so you have time to yourself before meeting someone who wants the same thing.

I'm also 32. My ex didn't want kids, so I walked away and it was agony but worth it. I'm now 5 months pregnant with fiancé I met at 31.

He could be either way. We've separated before. He was respectful one time and another time he was manipulative.

Does he have somewhere he can go? If so pack get some people round, make him.pack his stuff and go.

Had a similar situation, got rid, started exercising built up my confidence found my now husband 6 months later and never been happier. We also have a baby boy and I'm so glad this man is my husband. Showed me what love is and what a real man is!

I'd give notice but then if he was a dick at any point I would tell him to leave that day.

Thank you. As I've said my anxiety is acting like a barrier but all of you are making me see things clearly. I try and think of the year I started dating him. Best year ever! I was more confident, slimmer and I went on dates with a few guys. Now I feel opposite. I'm 4 stone heavier and I want to lose that weight but I'm conscious of the time I want to achieve that, start dating again and focus on having children. I'm 33 soon and 34 next year. I'm worried about time running out!

Once you get this nasty twat out of your home and life, you can focus on yourself and your goals for your future. Don't look back - look forward to many other 'best years', which you'll have when you're free of this awful man. He doesn't even like you, let alone care for you. He stays with you for convenience and he enjoys causing you pain. Take that pleasure away from him.

He is a nasty man. Do as you say, get him out of your life.
If you don't meet anyone else, you will still have a happier, more fulfilled life than if you stay with him.

Fertile years are precious. Get rid of him as rapidly as possible. You need to be moving towards successful relationships not wallowing in this swamp.

Well we all know a way for you to lose a lot of weight very quickly op...
Every day he stays your anxiety will be rising. Imo.

Bet you feel nothing but relief once he has gone.

He's a using wanker. Saying what you want to hear so that he doesn't have to fend for himself.

You deserve so much better.

@Miss2009 OP please don’t make the same mistake as my friend. She has been waiting for over 30 years for her boyfriend to propose and have a family. She’s now in her late 50’s and pretends to everyone that she “hates kids and never wanted them”. She seems to forget that we all know he dangled that carrot long ago, gave permission to “try” when she was early 40’s, and when it didn’t happen immediately, he went off and got himself a vasectomy. I was so sad for her. He as also refused to marry her, despite her proposing to him on several occasions. He did dangle the engagement carrot about 15 years ago. She was thrilled and excited and told a few people on the quiet. Then nothing! Never mentioned again, and I thought it would be cruel to probe.

She’s still with him. He is a boring B know it all. She could have done better. She’s miserable and bitter. He doesn’t make her happy.

Sorry just need to clarify that marriage and kids isn’t the be all and end all. But my friend really wanted these things in her 20’s and 30’s, and even 40’s. She has always deferred to his wants and needs, and ended up with neither.