Device needed urgently

[missthing3]

Hey so before you start being horrible towards me please read the full story..
So as of late I have been experiencing quite bad mental health, my doctor thinks I possibly have bipolar so my decisions and choices I make can be somewhat disastrous! Also on top of the mix I have come to terms my marriage is not working. I would love nothing more than a future with my husband but there’s so many issues and obstacles to overcome it’s almost impossible.
So one of my bestest friends has split up with her ex of 3 years 8 months ago. She told him she didn’t want to be with him and has cut all contact with him. She is currently sleeping around ALOT. So last night I got really drunk, like drunk to the point I cannot remember the whole night. I was chilling with my friends ex (the guy in question) and he kept trying to kiss me. I rejected him so many times but he kept persisting. I was in an upset state due to my current situation and I ended up giving in to temptation and we slept together. I now feel extremely ashamed, sick and upset. My anxiety has gone through the absolute roof and I just don’t know what to do. The guilt I feel is making me feel like running away. I just don’t know what on earth to do?
I have children too so the last thing I want is Any kind of trouble.

The title meant to say advice needed urgently

You need to see a GP and get assessed for your mental health and a proper diagnosis. Bi Polar is serious, so do what you can to get that organised.

You are married and slept with a friend's ex. You were drunk - did you use contraception if not, then an STD check as well in case you picked anything up or a morning after pill.

What advice are you looking for exactly?

You cheated on your husband and your marriage is over from what you've said, so get some advice on divorce.

I have that much guilt I basically don’t know whether to tell her? Or just forget it happened.

How come you were alone with this friend's ex, drinking?

I would wait until you've got over the Beer Fear before you decide to blab to anyone.

Was this in the uk while on lockdown?

They split up nearly a year ago and she's moved on. I'm not sure why you'd tell her unless you just love drama.

Focus on your diagnosis and ending your marriage. You have enough to deal with. I'd stop drinking if you can't handle your drink.

Move on OP.

Can we not do the "but lockdown!" on every thread?

That’s the thing with me I hate drama.. I suppose like someone mentioned above I am currently experiencing beer fear. So inevitably I feel a million times worse today.
The thing with me believe it or not I’m an extremely sensitive and thoughtful person. So doing this has made me feel AWFUL.

Missthing, he took advantage of the fact that you were drunk. When we have too much to drink we lost control and often end up doing daft things. That was a daft thing to do! However, it's happened, it's over. I hope you know not to drink heavily again.

It could have happened even without your mental health problem; I hope your doctor is on the ball about that and gives you the right advice and, if necessary, referral.

Don't see your friend's ex on his own again and do not tell anyone, it was a mistake and it's private.

Please forgive yourself, you're only human.

I don't think this sounds completely consensual tbh.

Well look. If you REALLY hate drama, here’s what you need to do.

1. Stop hanging out with him. Especially in lockdown.

1. Go to the GP and get yourself properly medicated for your BPD.

1. Get the morning after pill and am STI test, unless you used a condom.

1. End your marriage.

I have a feeling you won’t though.

I have contacted my go last week and I’m currently awaiting a referral. I’ve had anxiety and depression since I was 16 on record, but it’s only as I’ve got older I’ve come to terms with the fact it is so much more than that. Bipolar as the doctor said makes perfect sense.
I really appreciate all the feedback. Some of the comments have been very kind. More than I deserve.
What made it worse at the time is he was really trying to make me believe my husband had cheated on me and slept with someone else.

I'm not one to be all 'What about the lockdown?' But assuming you're in the UK which I am due to your terminology how did this come about? It's not like you were in the local boozer and he walked in and it went from there with the drunkenness so how did it happen that you were alone with him, drinking, presumably away from your husband and children?
I don't think you need to tell your friend unless you think he'd do it do it out of spite? You should work on what you want with regards to your husband though.

Like I said I have expressed to my husband on several occasions things are not working and I have also asked him to leave.
My children were with my husband last night. So I was having a drink with my relative and he kept messaging me and asked if I wanted to go round for a glass of wine and drink me decided it was a good idea. I am well was actually friends with the guy.

You are definitely feeling more anxiety and shame due to the hangover, please nurse your self through that before you start to make any decisions.
You will be able to think more rationally and see things more clearly once you have recovered.
He definitely took advantage of your inebriated state, you would not have done this stone cold sober.
Yes you made a mistake, but who hasn’t, and he has behaved far far worse than you.
Your immediate priority needs to be your mental well-being, try to focus on that, with support from GP/ counsellor, then try to start honest communication with your husband, to either rectify or end your marriage.

Another one ‘but lockdown’ing here - mainly because in order to ‘chill’ alone with a friend’s ex during current conditions you’d need to either be at his house, or your husband and kids were out and you invited him round to yours.

Is he a friend of yours? If he’s your ‘bestest friend’s’ ex it’s a little unusual that you’d be that friendly? How does your best friend feel about you being so friendly? Is it normal for you to spend time with him alone? How come it came about last night?

I’m just trying I suppose to see where the bad decisions kicked in - to me if I made the conscious decision to leave my husband and kids at home to then go spend time alone with a friend’s ex and start drinking with him then it would be really unusual and I guess I’d only really get into that situation if I was on a bit of a self destructive path already because it seems like something that would hurt/piss off both my husband and my best friend. But it may be that you have a friendship with him outside of all that and so it wasn’t that unusual for you to be in that situation.

Either way he’s a shit for keeping pressuring you and using you being drunk and vulnerable to push you into sex.

As others said if you didn’t use contraception then please make getting the morning after pill and a std check a priority. Can you go back to your gp and explain what’s happened - not the details necessarily. Perhaps they could signpost your to some further support whilst you wait for your referral?

Sorry cross posted with your last reply, you answered the questions about how you came to be there and that you are friends anyway so ignore the first bit of my post!

I’d be looking at cutting out the drink if at all possible for the next while - I do appreciate that may be a bridge too far with everything going on but if you can do it I’m sure it will help.

Hi Missthing
When your struggling with your mental health alcohol is the last thing you want to throw into the mix. You were obviously feeling very vulnerable with the issues in your marriage and probably feeling extremely low that you made a poor judgement call...we are all human we all make mistakes and beating yourself up is not going to help the matter. No decision should ever be made in an emotional state so you need to put it to the back of your mind for now as trying to decide on who to tell or what to do or your negative thoughts will push you further down the rabbit hole.

What you need to do is have a bath and maybe a cry and get into fresh pyjamas...even change your bed sheets for that all comfort and realise that worrying about it is not the solution try and sleep it off and things will seem.clearer in the morning..at the moment your head is racing and theres too much of a tornado in your head to make sense of it. Be kind to yourself your not the first to do something your not proud of and you sure as hell wont be the last

I have bipolar.

Try not to blame yourself. A) You have an illness that effects your behaviour which is currently not under control and you are trying your best to get under control. B) There are some absolute VULTURES around who prey on the weak and you need to be ruthless in trying to avoid them.

If only to the extent that you were drunk, let alone your mental health, this bloke took advantage of you. Block him on everything and never see him again. If you have bipolar you need to block creeps and people who might possibly take advantage at the first sign.

I got into a very sticky situation with a bloke I should've blocked immediately.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3800172-Is-it-ok-for-a-lover-to-ask-repeatedly-for-sex-acts-he-knows-you-dont-want There have been many at various times.

Call your GP and say that you need to be seen URGENTLY- explain to them what's happened. And/or you could go to A&E so you're seen immediately.

If you get an urgent referral you should be seen within a few days.

They will put you on meds and they will help you- please keep taking them, and if you still struggle, go back so they can up/change the dose or med. If you don't feel a consultant is treating you well, then you can change them/change teams.

Best wishes, will send you a PM. xxx

She is currently sleeping around ALOT

How is this relevant? She’s single, she can shag who she likes.

Is he going to tell her, is that why you’re considering it?

Well you need to get a sexual health check and morning after pill first. Then tell your husband and start the divorce. He may well not leave, which if it is his house too is fair really, but you can live separately and start the ball rolling.

Or if you don't want to tell him then still get the ball rolling for divorce.

Oh and PP's are right- try and avoid alcohol, you could end up anywhere and in any situation. You need to get on meds ASAP and any consultant who hears of what just happened to you and what your GP suspects will put you on them.

They'll put you on some that'll immediately start to chill you out. xxx

The only reason I mentioned it is because I wanted to merely point out she isn’t sat at home crying over him she’s doing her thing also.

As someone said, forget the 'best friend' element of it.
-Even if you think he used a condom, get the morning after pill. Don't delay.
-Book an STI test. Don't sleep with your husband until you get the all clear.
-Stop drinking alcohol. Maybe you can reintroduce it when you have your meds sorted out, but best to give it a miss if your judgement when sober can be off.
-Get moving on your divorce
-Don't tell your friend at this point - nothing to be gained for her or you.
-Don't see the new man again
-Keep your family safe by following lockdown