How much did your parents help you in life?

[GummyBeear]

My parents never helped me/ checked I was studying. Not even for my GSCE exams.
They were not bothered if I did A levels or went to university.
They barely took an interest in what I liked. My dad never asked about my day at school as he would just watch TV or play video games from the moment he got home until bedtime. Conversations with my parents, especially my dad are very shallow (mainly what's on tv or him saying something racist or complaining what someone has done to annoy him). When I first met my boyfriends family for dinner at their house I was shocked they sat around at a dinner table (instead of eating food on their laps infront of the TV) and talked to each other about their day and politics (my dads political discussion is him having a racist rant and a tantrum or storming off if you disagree).
They never pushed me do to anything, not a sporting activity or an instrument (they would not have paid for lessons anyways). When I tried to learn a language on my own not only did I get no encouragement from them my dad would say it was a waste of time as everyone speaks English.
I have had severe ocd since I was 16 (really messed up my A levels because of it) and my parents never noticed there was anything wrong.
They barely bought me any clothes. I would pretend to be ill on non uniform days as I barely had any clothes. From age 16 I had to buy my own clothes with money from a summer job so I had clothes to wear for 6th form.
I was never allowed friends over. The excuse was that the house is a mess.
They never helped me financially at university, not a penny. Not even a cheap graduation gift.
They did not pay for driving lessons, most my friends at university could drive because their parents paid for them.
They asked to borrow about 2000 pounds (most of the money I had saved from working over the summer holidays) and have never paid it a back. Money that would have been very useful at university. My dad has plenty of money for his hobbies though. Even when I was scrimping and saving at university I bought my dad a birthday gift but never got a thanks or one in return.

It's led me to resent my parents and be very jealous of people who have parents that helped, incouraged and pushed them in life. Some parents help their kids financially, mine took all the money I had saved and never paid me back. Frankly makes me very angry towards them.

On the other hand my DH’s parents are very academic. Paid for private school and driving, uni etc. They value education. However they were emotionally unavailable and still are. They show little genuine interest in him and did some questionable things e.g leaving him alone for prolonged periods as a teenager.

Similar here, OP.
I dont speak to my parents, and havent for 10years now. Got fed up with my mothers made up happy memories. They also stole £10k off my sister and made up a horrible, spiteful, arguement to avoid paying it back.

Ive had nothing off them. At 16 as soon as i finished GCSEs i was told my rent was £350 per month for my room, not including food. That was 17 years ago now.
I worked full time at night and went to college in the day until i was ready to drop, dropped out of college and worked full time until i could afford to get away from them.

Its taken me a long time to find my feet but i now have a mortgage on a very lovely flat, a very nice car outside, a job i dreamed of, and an OU degree in the works.
And i can honestly say they contributed nothing. No freebies, no inheritances, no help. They didnt even help me move out.
All those jumble sale clothes, bullying at school because my mum spent on fags rather than uniform, and her bitching if i suggested having a friend over. Shudder.
Theres a lot more to it, but im proud of myself now.

I do get a bit jealous of those with generous loving parents, and i definately side eye those who act all proud - like its their own achievement- of their new gaff that mummy and daddy paid towards...

Not every one has the 'little leg up', some of us really did it on our own.

My parents were an abusive alcoholic and a co-dependent enabler. I recall a rare moment of clarity after receiving glowing praise of me from the headmaster where they pulled me aside and told me I was so amazing in-spite of them, not because of them.

What I did get from them was a middle
Class home and education with The relative stability that a lifestyle like that provides. The emphasis on budgeting and getting a good education. The importance of planning a career.

spending some nights sleeping in the car to escape the abuse and then getting dropped off at school in the morning to pretend everything was fine didn’t help. I got very good at always having a go bag ready so I had clothes, a hairbrush, and could brush my teeth. I got very good at always getting my homework done early so that I had it ready to turn in even if things were so bad I couldn’t work that night.

Loads. I’m in my 40’s and they still do, emotionally and financially. My Dad put £500 in my bank account this week for no particular reason at all (am on mat leave so he knows things are tight) and he gave me £5k last year just because. He paid for Uni so I didn’t need loans and a big chunk of my house deposit.
They are just brilliant- I have a huge amount to live up to!!

Sorry you had such a poor experience @GummyBeear, to lack emotional support is just awful. Not everyone has money to give away I understand that, but I don’t understand the emotional side.

I could have written this. Except I was able to leave school and never make it to university sadly

My parents were both very different. My Mum didn’t have an interest in my education or anything all that I did. I remember when I ask her to listen to me read in primary school she said it was the teachers job, never attended a parents evening- my dad always did and was of the opinion that uni was only for the elite.
My dad was very involved in my education and everything I did. He would take & pick me up from hobbies, read over my essays, took me to look around uni’s etc.

Received driving lessons as a birthday present. When I moved out for uni they paid my rent & tuition fees.
I don’t think my Mum could tell you anything about my education.

Loads, and they still very much do.

My parents helped and supported as much as they could, but both had very different experiences as regards life and education (Dad went to grammar school and college, and became a teacher. Mum left school at 15 with no qualifications and never had a career)

Some people's comments on here break my heart.

Meh my mum died when I was a kid and my dad turned into an alcoholic and left when I was 14.

I’m surprised I turned out as well as I have

Thinking about it, Neither my mum or dad encouraged me with school work, Same as you OP, Parents never asked if I had any homework or if I had completed it. They were keen for me and my siblings to work ASAP so I ended up in a dead end job from the day I left school, This was so we could pay them board.
My parents weren't mean, abusive or addicts, They just weren't very "maternal" (or the dad equivalent), Don't get me wrong, we had good dinners,Clean/New clothes, went on holiday every year, happy Christmases etc, They just lacked in the physical/emotional support, They never asked where I was going when I went out after school, or who with, just to be back by a certain time. I think money was always an issue, even though they both worked full time, with board paid weekly by myself and my siblings, I know me and my sister used to pay £30 a week, and that's 25 years ago, I've took a loan out for them in the past, (when i still lived at home) they made the first couple of monthly payments, but then stopped because they couldn't afford it so it was left to me to pay them. They are divorced now, and both are in a better financial position for whatever reason, they don't support me financially, not that I would expect them to, they do lend me money if i need something I cant afford right away, like a washing machine, or something for my car, They are the last people I ask though, as they both lecture me and give me 20 questions as to where "all my money goes" ( I am a single parent earning a very modest wage),I should manage my money better and to make sure I pay it back. Things have got better over the years with emotional support though, They will listen to my woes (usually work related) and give advise. They have never said they love me, although I know they do. It has made me they way I am though, I always tell my kids I love them, and I am always asking where they are and who they are with, I am very strict with homework - Maybe a bit too strict. I think i probably do their head in lol.

OP my parents didn't encourage me to do well at school, play an instrument or learn a language. They did encourage me to be well mannered and respectful and to do the rught thing. They did encourage me to eat family meals with them (probably more so my money could get this over in one go and clean up quicker), they asked about my day and my friends. They have never ever borrowed money from me.

I am in my mid 50’s now and my parents were both very working class and didn’t believe in credit and living beyond your means. I didn’t feel this was abusive.

I started doing night classes and studied O and A levels then started studying for a degree when I was 35 and newly married to help educate myself more as DH and a few of our friends had degrees and to improve my job prospects and earning potential/income.

My father recently passed away. I loved him and always wanted and tried to have a closer relationship with them both (more like the one my younger sister has with them) but she is very needy and feckless. She is the youngest child and probably similar to my parents in terms of job/income/house. I also wanted my parents to have a closer relationship with my DC but my niece the eldest GC took so much of their time my two didn’t didn’t get a look in.

Anyway I make sure both my DC know that they are loved and cared about, I/we encourage them in a variety of extra curricular opportunities and activities and school work. I/we also encourage some independence such as some basic cooking skills etc. We share most evening meals together as a family. I just want them to be happy and know that they are loved and always will be. So we are probably more like your partners parents.

But to be honest OP you sound a bit ashamed of your parents. But try not to be bitter and live your life as you see fit.

My parents have helped me loads in every way - emotionally, financially and practically (with childcare etc). It is very much appreciated and will be paid forward - I will do the same for my children as they grow up. Love my mum and dad.

ABSOLUTELY Nothing. Were emotionally abusive to my siblings and I. Left to our own devices. My mum used to boast about first night home from hospital she left me to cry in a dark room
My mum went back to work as a teacher when I was 5 weeks old.... Says it all.

Not at all. My parents were pretty bad. My Mum has loaned me money when I've been in dire straits (as an adult in my 40s) but it all got paid back within a year.

As for emotional support or general happy childhood memories - nah. Quite the opposite.

My parents helped me a lot. I hope I can do the same for my children.

Not at all. I helped them financially.

I would say I have good parents but I can relate to some of what you've said. Possibly a class thing to a certain extent (dinner on lap, no checking on homework, no extra curricular activities,

Oops posted too soon

I think they were just trying to get by with working.

But my husband and I have lots of conversations about how we want to do better for our children. I was left at the weekend to do what I wanted, luckily I wasn't too much of a wild child or I probably would have made a lot of regrettable decisions. I feel like I want to give my children all the opportunities possible. Sometimes I think my dad just made decisions that suited him (moving house etc) and my mum was such a pushover she just went with it

Absolutely loads of love and interest, and expected high standards of behaviour. Encouraged our school work but no practical help with it, or with getting jobs or money or driving lessons or housing etc. More emotional support now as adults than as children funnily.

So so much.

Private education. Encouragement / high expectations. Incredible amounts of love. Allowed me to have friends over and freedom. Financial support as a young adult to enable me to do an internship and a Masters in London. Support buying my flat in London.

Only downside is that my dad is now almost 80 (mum died when I was a child) and I'm pregnant with my first child. I wish SO much he would be around for longer.

My parents did a massive amount for me throughout childhood and into adulthood. My mum was stricter than most of my friends' mums which I hated at the time, but in hindsight it was the right thing to do - most of the people I went to school with stayed in the same town and seem to have quite mundane lives (to me that is, I'm sure they are all very happy), whereas because of my parent's vision about steering me towards good grades and university even though at the time I would have preferred getting stoned with my mates, I have been lucky enough to see a lot of the world through my profession and have a really interesting job. Financially they have helped a lot too, and although I am not quite so strict with my DC as my mum was with me, my parents really are my role models in life - they were both such awesome people and I feel very fortunate I was born to them.

I wanted for nothing as a child but I wasn't actively encouraged to further my education.
My DM was quite taken aback when I told her I wanted to do my A-levels and go to Uni.
I sorted college/uni out myself with no imput and received a grant/took out a loan to pay for living costs. DM left school at 16 and tbh I don't think she understood much about further Ed and knew really how to support me
As an adult my DM and Grandparents have helped me a lot with regards to money and helping buy things I need. I know that if I ever need anything they would help me.
My dgp's even insisted on helping pay my DC's nursery fees when I was struggling.
( Completely estranged from my Father)

Your parents were/are shite, OP. I think you need to accept that and try to move on. That you went to university despite this crap parenting says an awful lot about you and your character. Focus on how great you are despite them - how you want more, strive for more, achieved more. I'm sorry you didn't get the parents you deserved but you can have the future you deserve.

So sorry you had unsupportive parents. Mine were great. My dad was self made business man and was very successful and although he worked hard he made time for me, my sister and much younger brother. He encouraged me at school and I remember him taking me on a German business trip at 15 because I was learning German and arranged for me to be shown round Berlin while he was at a conference. Sadly he died relatively young before he could retire but I still have lovely memories of holidays and days out with him. My mum was and still is supportive, both emotionally and financially. My dad dying early left her very well off and she has shared her wealth through me, my siblings and our children. She will do anything for her family. We wanted for nothing.