Anyone’s Dp a manager in Civil Engineering & always stressed?

[IslaW]

Wondered if it was just my Dp.
He works as a project manager in civil engineering, dealing with roadworks etc. He’s out at 7am, home at 5pm, straight onto the laptop to do more work, emails, map work. Constant phone calls till 6pm. He seems always so stressed and can’t seem to shut off from work. It’s something that was always bothered me. He’s hard working but what relationship is this.

My husband and I both work in construction, and I'd say your husband is not normal. Yes, we both go through fairly regular periods of being jammed at work and working longer hours, but mostly balance it.

Personally, I think there's a bit of choice involved. If he's always available on the phone/email them people take advantage of it. He can choose to leave things until the morning etc.

I definitely agree, that it’s all about choice.

Is it about choice? I don't work in Civil Engineering but I am a manager and my days are longer and stressful. Since moving into management roles this has been the norm for me.

I am a senior manager in engineering / construction. It is a stressful industry but to be honest if your DP leaves the house at 7 and is back by 5 (sounds like he's not working from home?), even with an extra hour of work til 6, that really isn't all that bad.

I find that there's a lot of personal responsibility in the industry, however how you chose to manage that comes with experience. I certainly used to put a lot more hours in than I do now, knowing what the importansc

.... knowing what the important tasks are and prioritising them is key.

But if you're not happy, talk to him. It's hard being under pressure at work, but it's also hard being with someone who's always working.

Sorry but i dont think those are desperately long hours. I leave the house at 7am, i am rarely home before 5pm. Ok granted i dont work after hours, but you suggested he only does about an hour..

Does he pull his weight in the time he is home? Do you work?

Construction usually start at 7 and work a solid shift until about 6, particularly in management roles, so it doesn't sound abnormal to me. It's a high stress industry but like anything I find it comes in waves depending on what activities are going on at the time.

@GreekOddess I see your point of view. I’m not in management so I don’t really understand but I do see him getting stressed a lot. Does it affect your relationship at all?

@knightsinwhitesatin Very interesting, yes my dp isn’t working from home but will take work home. He likes being ahead and organised so does extra at home. He also said he has a lot of responsibility. He seems to know he is doing too much but doesn’t stop. May I ask how old are you? My dp is 30 but is starting to look much older due to stress I believe.
Also, has your job ever affected your relationship?

@funnylittlefloozie I agree that those aren’t look hours, however it’s just the lack of downtime and him getting stressed that bothered me. His response is, that’s just how it is. He does pull his weight at home, I can’t fault that. I also work, but not in any management role.

@pixiecircles Interesting, he also says it’s a high stress industry and he puts his all into it. He’s highly respected by his colleagues and boss but I just worry about the stress he puts on himself. I know that I can’t change someone, it will always be him. Has is ever affected your relationship?

Im an architect and those hours would be a dream. Construction is very stressful and pretty relentless. Every site request/problem needs to be responded to quickly otherwise it can cause delays under the contract.

My dh is senior in construction. When he’s at work he’s completely focussed, won’t switch off. When he’s home, it all stops. Occasionally he’ll look at emails (gets a glare off me) then back to normality.

I would never let my dh encroach our evening with work. He can wfh.

It shows one if two things. The company are taking the piss and need extra staff or he’s disorganised and cannot manage the workload.

@bmachine Interesting, he too said that whenever there is something, he needs to respond quickly. Is there anything you can do the have a more work life balance?

@longdistance That’s really good that he never ruins your evening with his work. Do he ever get stressed over his work at all? My dp will be straight on the phone when the email comes through. He’ll reply then get back to whatever we were doing. He is very organised with his job so I have always suspected they are taking the piss by the things he has told me.

Dh project manager in the energy industry. A normal working day was 7-7 with a bit of luck. Often much later or working after dinner at home. Lots and lots of travel. At 60 he has finally geared down a little.

@giantangryrooster I see, long hours. How did you deal with it may I ask? Did you have children? I worry that if me and my dp go into have children, I will be left to look after kids and the stress of kids won’t work well if he’s already work stressed.

This is an aside but didn't it occur to you that some women on MN might have this job or a similarly stressful one?

@IslaW say dh receives a call on a Friday at 4.30pm and he’s requested answers from this person weeks ago. He refuses to answer the call and it’ll go to answerphone and he’ll deal with it on Monday morning.
If he gets an email that’s important to the project he’s on and if there’s an issue he’ll deal with it there and then either by call or lately by Teams.
It’s funny watching him all organised doing his work. Not so much at home 🙄

Very long hours, very into his job (Workaholic), climbing the ladder. I gave up working became a sahm, granted he has been (still is) extremely well paid. But he has been stressed out for long periods, hasn't been around the dc. All child rearing has been left to me.

If you want to know in further detail ask away, will check this thread tomorrow .

That was for @JEFR

@ShinyFootball Yeah, If you read my question, I asked if anyone’s “Dp” works in civil engineering. I never said Male or female.

@Longdistance I see what you mean. He seems to have his priorities in check. It’s great that we can switch off, has he always been this way since you met him?
My dp switches off on a Sunday, that’s it. That’s our day but during the week, our evenings are mostly taken up by his work, emails popping up. I didn’t mind before, as I was working but due to lockdown, I am stuck at home.

@giantangryrooster very interesting. Similar to my dp, climbed the ladder and well paid. Also stressed out for long periods.
May I ask:
how long you have been together?
Does he/did he ever have down time?
How did you deal with him being stressed, how did you make you feel?
How did you feel about child rearing left to you?
Thankyou for being open and willing to go into detail.

as has been said above it might be down to resourcing. My work hours are ridiculous as we are under resourced especially at the moment with cashflow and employment freezes.

that said when its on site you usually have about three people and a contract hanging over your head to work out the answer asap, produce a drawing and get it out the door.

I was chasing civils urgently for something just last week so i could get a final answer on an urgent query id had before a pour. If the answer was late then it would have delayed the pour they would have lost the slot with that subcontractor and it might have caused a delay under the contract where one party is blamed etc etc

I honestly don't think those are particularly long hours op, even allowing for the hour at home.

Honestly OP I know this isn't what you want to hear but the industry is time consuming and stressful at times but you are paid accordingly. The money is good but there are reasons that the money is good, unfortunately, and your DP will have known this going in. Even site management/supervision is very well paid and there is less responsibility (as I'm sure your DP will have done to get to where he is). If he's not leaving until 7 and getting home for 5, albeit on the phone, I think he's getting as good of a deal as he's going to get.

To answer your question yes it affected my relationships in the past. However I'm not a project manager I do a different role.

Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

Hmmm, the hours sound right but the rest - it's a responsible job of coruse but he just sounds either the slightly hysterical type OR it's possible that he just isn't a very good manager - including of his own time.

The job field itself shouldn't be a problem, it should be no more stressful than any other management position, and the site work element makes for some fixed long hours but really, this part of the job is not that stressful!

I work in Civil engineering but not as a civil engineer and yes its pretty full on. My boss is pretty much available all the time and even at the weekend spends time organising stuff for next week.
I do think its very different from general construction tbh.
I work long hours too as sometimes it's so full on during the day you dont get to the important work until evening time.