Started dating 50yo who doesn't look after himself - winner or loser?

[LargeHadron]

Would you continue dating a 50-something year old man who's not interested in looking after his health? He goes without food for up to 12 hours but doesn't even eat properly when he finally gets round to eating, and has a list of health issues which scream 'diabetes' which he refuses to check out. We're still at the friends stage but the relationship is developing nicely, and the eating/health issue is now unavoidable - it's a subject I've raised but I don't want to tell him how to live his life so I'm keeping quiet now. I know this sounds selfish, but I really don't want to take on another dependent in addition to my teenage kids, plus I also worry about how this might affect any possible sex life if our friendship were to progress. I really, really like the man, but I'm wary about both short-term and long-term consequences of his lack of care, and I would really value some opinions on this.

It's completely irrelevant to the thread whether fasting can be beneficial or not, because he's not doing it purposefully or for health benefits (which would be looking after himself, whether you agree with it or not). He's doing it because he's not looking after himself and out of forgetfulness/lack of motivation.

Well, none of the posts on this thread are relevant in that case, category12 and OP says that she may be 'barking up the wrong tree with diabetes', and has ruled out an eating disorder. But whether he's looking after himself or not is actually irrelevant because OP can't fix him, he operates his life differently to the OP and the only relevant point is compatibility and whether it's there or not.

Thanks for your comments - I've taken them all on board.

I will stay in the friends-zone while I see how the eating/health issues pan out, but in the meantime I need to do a bit of work on myself as I clearly need to modify the way I think about food!

In answer to some of your questions, the man rarely drinks, he's tidy, well-groomed and a reliable worker, plus he seems to be a considerate, thoughtful guy who gives me no cause for alarm other than the issues mentioned. It's only very early days yet, and lockdown has got in the way, so we'll see what happens...

Thanks again. x

Can you imagine being on a lovely holiday and on a terrace somewhere like Spain and you're happily perusing the menu and you order some nice sangria and tapas and you say what do you fancy, dear and he says nothing, even though i didn't even eat anything at dinner last night, my mouth is a desert, my vision's so blurry i can barely see you. But by the way,i'm still not going to the doctor's. This is such a sexy set-up, don't you think???

I don't think you do need to work on yourself about food, LargeHadron. He doesn't either. You just need to determine whether you're actually compatible together. He seems extremely passive and I wonder if you're the one who would like to change the status of your relationship with him? He, from what you've posted, comes across as "Take me as I am". This is fine, but it may not be what you can accept - and why the hell should you?

He is showing you who he is and as a friend, you're ok with that. You're obviously not ok with it on a girlfriend/boyfriend basis though, hence your post.

It's absolutely fine for you to draw your line in the sand exactly how you want it to be... and it's a very positive thing to do. No woman should settle (no men either).

Best wishes, this lockdown is a 'mare, isn't it?

Livefornaps - I laughed out loud when I read your post!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe - thank you. This is all a learning curve for me - things are very different to when I last dated, some 20+ years ago!

Best wishes to you all : )