Started dating 50yo who doesn't look after himself - winner or loser?

[LargeHadron]

Would you continue dating a 50-something year old man who's not interested in looking after his health? He goes without food for up to 12 hours but doesn't even eat properly when he finally gets round to eating, and has a list of health issues which scream 'diabetes' which he refuses to check out. We're still at the friends stage but the relationship is developing nicely, and the eating/health issue is now unavoidable - it's a subject I've raised but I don't want to tell him how to live his life so I'm keeping quiet now. I know this sounds selfish, but I really don't want to take on another dependent in addition to my teenage kids, plus I also worry about how this might affect any possible sex life if our friendship were to progress. I really, really like the man, but I'm wary about both short-term and long-term consequences of his lack of care, and I would really value some opinions on this.

I think if everyone followed the don't date someone unhealthy, every fat person in the UK would be single.

I just don't think you are suited.
Such a man wouldn't bother me. But,it clearly bothers you, and that's the point.

You never mentioned any lovely qualities about him. You're not happy with how he lives his life. Move on.

He’s not fasting, he’s neglecting himself.

I went out with a man in his 50s who would go all day and just eat an apple. He lived next door to a Spar too so access to food/shopping wasn’t the problem. When I visited he had to go to the Spar for teabags and milk.

It did spill over into my life as he would always refuse food I was cooking if I offered. He just had no interest and I found it hard.

Meant to say there, his kitchen cupboards were completely bare.

Could you tell him your concerns for his health as a friend?

I would never have a relationship with someone who neglected his health, and I get irritated as all hell by those billboards and ads aimed at getting women to get their husbands to have a prostate check, as though men’s failure to see their GPS is a woman’s problem. There are no equivalent ads aimed at men getting their wives to have a smear.

You’re looking at a future of looking after a man who hasn’t the energy/wit/basic cop-on to look after his own body.

No, I wouldn’t date a man like that. I always thought that people who absolutely don’t care about food and their well-being might have some mental problems going on, or autism kinda thing. Lack of proper nutrition on the long term definitely can cause physical problems and can also affect mental health.

Thanks for all your replies : )

In response to B1rdflyinghigh, he has many, many good qualities, and this is the only thing that concerns me so far.

I'm going to raise the issue one last time and see if he'll at least go to see his GP.

Thanks again.

No, I wouldn’t. He would drain me.

Whatthewhatnow is spot on with food appetite and sex. He will be a lousy lay, trust me i know....

I'd just stay friends. Plenty of single men around.

If having you as a keen partner boosts his self-esteem it could mean he takes an interest in his self and his life expectancy. So I would give it a few more months.

Just to correct a detail - his symptoms don't scream adult onset ( type 2 ) diabetes. People with that don't get low blood sugar - their blood sugar is high all the time.

I don’t really understand this.

Are you a foodie, and you think you just are not compatible on that level? If so, fair enough.

But neither my partner or I are interested in food. He can go all day without eating and not even notice. And I can guarantee that we still can’t keep our hands off each other!

What are the actual health symptoms that you’re worried about?

I wouldn’t date him because if a man won’t/can’t cook there’s a big chance you’ll alway be the cook for his lazy arse.

I don’t think it’s your place to get him to go to his GP!

If I lived on my own, I'd probably end up living off toast and cereals. DP would be the same. Luckily, we're together and have a proper meal every night. When you live on your own, it's easy to not have a proper routine and not to bother cooking decent meals.

I wouldn't write him off yet; just keep an eye on the situation. If you invite him round to your place for a meal a few times and he reciprocates, that would be a hopeful sign

At the start people show you their best self. This is not good

Agree with pp. Peoples ignorance on type 2 diabetes is absolutely shocking.

NONE of his symptoms that OP describes suggest diabetes to me!

Tough decision OP, but I'd tell him to sort himself out a bit if he wants the relationship to go further. Otherwise you'd be like his mum or carer, telling him what to eat and when

I agree, TomNook - people often make an effort to present their best self if they're interested in someone. This doesn't look very good, does it.

I may be totally barking up the wrong tree about diabetes but he definitely has health issues which tick most of the boxes for this. Whatever the cause, he really ought to get these checked out because they're negatively impacting his quality of life but I agree with BecomingMe in that it's not my place to tell him to go to the GP.

Still don’t understand.

What are his health issues?

If anyone thought that me ‘presenting my best self’ had to involve me proving that I ate ‘properly’, I’d think they were very strange indeed.

Meh, do you need a man?
I dont think I'd bother taking on someone new in my fifties or onwards. Unless I was 100% sure they weren't a man child and I was finding it really lonely in my own...even then...think I'd opt for a pet xD

Maybe just remain friends for now. See if theres anything else that bothers you before tying yourself to him as anything more.

If you want to be an unpaid carer, crack on.

I suspect it's something other than diabetes.

Op says he's got all the symptoms. But I think she's mistaken.

I think it's something else. Possible. But not diabetes.

"plus he sometimes gets hypoglycemia from not having eaten for so long."

No. That's very common. Lots of people I know get that.

Diabetes, onset, you might loose weight. But your blood sugar wouldn't be low. It would be high. Because your pancreas is not producing enough insulin. So you'd feel really really ill because your blood sugar is too HIGH.