My boyfriend is the first stable guy I've ever been with. I have only ever had toxic relationships since him, and I thought I just attracted them like flies.... only now I believe I'm just as toxic.
One of our mutual friends kept warning me to stay away from him because I'd only mess him up. She said I was way too mentally unstable for him and that I would end up emotionally cheating or getting bored. I blocked her after she said that, but now I'm convinced she's right.
She recently sent my boyfriend photos she'd taken off me, meeting up with an ex. This was back in January and she'd been holding on to them all that time. She thought it was clear proof that I'd been cheating but I wasn't.
I met with him to see how he was (he had surgery) but I never intended to get back with him. I didn't tell my boyfriend at the time (which was a big mistake) because I didn't want him to get upset. I did, however, continue to communicate with said ex (totally platonic) because we remained friends and he was always good at helping me with my anxiety - I guess you could say my ex became my therapist for a while :/
My boyfriend was upset when he found out but he believes I didn't cheat. He asked if I could stop speaking to the ex and I have. He wants to make it work with me and I do too because he's amazing.
But after our mutual friend 'caught me' and is now revelling in the fact she was right, I'm starting to think he deserves better. He must feel humiliated that all of our friends believe I cheated on him. I told them all the truth but I can tell that most of them are siding with her. She keeps telling my boyfriend to find the strength to leave me and its upsetting both of us.
He assures me he's not listening to her but I worry deep down he's conflicted. He wants to believe I'm a good person but I'm not sure if I am anymore. Maybe I'd be a good person if I let him find someone worthy.