Partner paying for porn/pictures???

[Shorty321x]

Hi just wanted to get peoples opinions on this because I'm not sure what to think.

I have been with my partner for 5 years now and we have a child together.

Was looking through emails to help him out and found a receipt for a site I've never heard of, anyway I have googled it and it's an escort site with videos of women and private galleries of them too.

Just abit of background he's struggled financially for I'd say around 10 months and I've gave him money throughout that I'd saved up (not just a tiny bit of money either I may add) and turns out he's spent over £100 in the past couple of months to view pictures of other women and videos

I honestly don't care about him watching porn that isn't my issue here. My issue is that he's paying for it.

I'd like other people's opinions on it because I'm so confused and to be honest it's made me feel not good enough. Thanks x

Hopefully this isn’t the situation OP but no recorded bookings in his adultwork credit history doesn’t mean much. A lot of the girls have their phone numbers on the listing so they can be contacted directly. I would be wondering why he is paying to look at pictures of prostitutes when there is plenty of porn available for free. If you’re able to access his bank statements I’d be looking for large cash withdrawals.

Yes agree he shouldn't be spending money if he can't look after himself and kids. But then he shouldn't watch porn full stop. It's beyond him like many other activities until he gets his shit together!!

If he’s skint and your basically financing him then I’d say it is your money he’s spent. That £100 could of been used to pay towards his current situation or use to pay you back.

IMO there really is no need whatsoever to pay for these pics. There are thousands of free stuff online.

Now you’ve mentioned adult work, I fear that maybe he is viewing the pics with a view to potentially purchase another service?

@MolotovMocktail that would be my hunch. A try before you buy kind of thing.

Honestly the responses in these threads make me think about how much men and their sexual behaviour is still tolerated and faffed around and treated with such double standards ....

Reverse this .. there's a website where male models (of the fake fireman variety male strippers/porn actors & male escorts sell serviced including pics, videos, cam sex and in the flesh sexual services.

A guys wife/gf/partner frequents the site and spends money on pics and images from one or more of these guys, presumably to aid her sexual titillation and masturbation ... With the guy's money because she's too broke and too shit at managing her own money to have any.

What would his reaction be? What would other people's view of her be?

Why do men keep getting such an easy ride (pun intended) on this sort of behaviour, even on here where posters are usually more aware and critical.

You've been had

he's got no money to put towards his child for clothes but can pay for porn

Fuck no.

Selfish, degenerate shit of a person.

How can you see his account history? Does he have an account on Adultworks? Could you login?

Just logged onto the site and he's paid for the telephone directory services so that tells me that he's potentially rang to pay for sex, brilliant 😂

@MinteeFresh yep I requested username and password reminder and then deleted the email once I got them 😌. I wanted to see exactly what he'd been paying for before I came at him with anything

Are the women whose pictures/videos he’s looked at in your area or areas he could feasibly get to? That would make me more suspicious than if they were on the other side of the country.

I think your fear of him not paying you money is enough to leave.
Just tell him - this is shit. Porn would be ok but paying - no. You’re broke and he’s taking the piss Get out when it’s right for you.
(Ps. It’s ‘etc’! )

What was your advise @gilbertMarkham*?

‘ I don't know that my relationship would survive either element of this’

Helpful.....*

My advice echoes ops own inclination/ conclusion below so it's actually very helpful.

And then I don't think this is something I can actually work through.

In case you couldnt grasp that either, it's get rid. Not "pussy foot around this waste of space".

@MolotovMocktail I'm not sure I've just looked on history not the people who he's actually been looking at x

Now you’ve mentioned adult work, I fear that maybe he is viewing the pics with a view to potentially purchase another service?

This, and your update make me think it could be worse than "just" photo and video purchases too.

The intent seems to be there, whether he's done anything or not yet.

You could tell him you urgently need as much of your money back as possible for an emergency - make up something reasonably believable. You'll never see your money if you dump him over this.

@GilbertMarkham its over 3 grand though, so not just money that can be pulled from anywhere x

I think you know this goes beyond pictures. I was about to say a friend's husband was paying for photos and she thought that was all as she couldn't see any reviews etc. He had paid for a directory thing and was contacting them to book and then erasing his call history.

@BarbedBloom yep I already know in my head it's beyond this. Shit realisation but i know now that there isn't any going back for me!

I don't know if the money I've gave him was to buy stuff like that exactly, basically he was working but the money he was getting wasn't enough to cover all bills... hence where I gave him money. The money that he's ever asked for has been for bills I know about to the exact amounts.

Well all you need to know is that he's short of money to pay bills, yet has been able to buy content off a sex work site.

@BarbedBloom I've just been back onto the site and it says that he'd paid for the same thing, can't remember what went on the day he'd paid for it but no excuse really regardless

*its over 3 grand though, so not just money that can be pulled from anywhere x"

Could you at least get him to set up a direct debit, something definite to start chipping away at it ... Also if and when you finish perhaps it would be proof of the loan and repayments should you have to go to small claims to get the balance back off him.

(I don't know for sure, maybe someone legal (or cab) could advise).

I’m really sorry Shorty, it’s shit and hurts so much. Get a plan together to get that money back before you confront him, some sort of repayment schedule in writing.

I think only half my comment posted for some reason. My internet is rubbish. I had added that I was sorry and I think this is the point of no return for you. It is just figuring out the financials so I would hold off on a confrontation until you have worked that out. I wrote off money an ex owed me rather than give him any more of my time, but it wasn't as much and I could afford to do so