Partner doesn't let me have just 5 minutes

[NCforthisone2020]

Just that really.
NC for this.
All I wanted was 5 minutes to de stress and take myself out of the room for my own sanity. 2 minutes later DC were brought into me.

Does anyone else's partner do this?
It's not normal

Sound like my estranged husband
He used to bring them in saying 'there's your lovely mummy' etc to make me look a twat if I moaned

I had one who couldn't be left with DC. He didn't want time with DC. He was abusive in many other ways and I left.

Exactly this. DC called me once and said 'why are you ignoring them' I bloody well wasn't.
This relationship has a lot of problems and it's just showing more and more through this lockdown.

No. Why does he do this?

Yep I can relate. I actually prefer when he's out and it's just me and dd. She is 5 and of course can be a handful and clingy at times but I think she actually respects my boundaries more than he does. I'm leaving him when I can.

No. That’s not right. You should be able to have time to yourself.

No. A normal partner should understand your need for space and happily watch his own kids for longer than 10 minutes so you get a break. I can't work out if he's a useless dad or controlling of you, in that he won't let you out of his sight.

I can deal with dd calling for me and saying "mummy!!" But when he does it after a short time alone with her because he can't be arsed to be a parent, it makes me shudder.

Mine ended up leaving me during this lockdown on my birthday so he can 'live his life'
Selfish disgusting man!

No, that would piss me off.

He isn't controlling of me he's a useless dad.
He can't be bothered to watch them properly.
He gets 2+ hours a day to himself when we go for a walk and he doesn't bother to come.
He also makes me feel inadequate as a mother and guilt trips when he said I was ignoring them. Which I wasn't. I'm about to loose my mind with him. It's just so suffocating.

Have to told him how you feel?

Next time accidently switch the WiFi off on your way out... And don't take your phone.

Hmmm, take it in turns to do the family walk. Sauce for the goose and that! Or tell him, as you are going out the door, that you are of for a walk for half an hour or more. Don't wait for him to offer, just walk out. You could always say 'Mum's going out, you stay with your lovely Dad' to DC in front of him!

You see reality - but it is just so hard to believe - yes - he is vile!!

He never used to be like this. This lockdown has showed me a lot about this 'relationship'. He's been furloughed and I cannot stand him at home all the time. I much prefer it with me and DC.
The thing is, he plays little mind games and doesn't watch DC properly almost on purpose. Of course the sun shines out his hairy arse to his mummy.
I want out but already been guilt tripped into effecting the DC.
I couldn't imagine writing any of this 1 year ago.
Thank you all for your replies it's nice to get it off my chest and speak to people about it.
You're right, he is vile.

Yes told him I feel suffocated but it's in one ear and out of the other. He doesn't give a crap.

"I want out but already been guilt tripped into effecting the DC."

Actually being around a father who can't be arsed to look after them properly, avoids being with them and constantly tries to palm them off onto you probably also have a negative effect on the DC. It really pisses me off when I hear about men who don't seem to think they need to play any part in raising their own children. Did he grow up in a household where his mother did all the parenting? Is that the model he's used to?

...also has a negative effect

What a twat. You have nothing to lose by reading him the riot act. Let him know he's on a the road to divorce if he keeps it up and tell him to stop playing stupid fucking games. Seriously, you actually have nothing to lose. Either that or you keep it all in and you just get further and further apart because he thinks he's being clever 'getting Away' with this when what he's actually doing is pissing you off to a point you're not going to recover from.

It's funny you should say that.
His mother literally wiped his arse and still does. She's very very judgemental and he is the same.
His dad has other kids from other relationships he doesn't really bother with and is on his 4th marriage to his mum...
His dad used to be a heavy drinker and his mum has done some questionable things but the sun shines out of my partners arse

I also think I have nothing to loose. I've thought about it more in the last couple of hours and he knows my kids are my life and there isn't anything that I wouldn't do for them. That's why he tries to guilt trip me.
But then I think my kids only really know me to do everything with 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tell him it's his turn to take DC on 2h walk. You get the 2h at home.

If not, just go for 2h walk by yourself.

Stop letting him control you, please. Get that space that you need.

He sounds draining. And you don’t sound like you like him very much

You’d be better off as a single parent OP. It’s actually far easier when you don’t have another adult sitting on their arse doing nothing to resent. The DC will soon realise what a waste of space he is when their father can’t be arsed to have them EOW.

Get rid of the lazy bastard. He’s taking up space in your life that could be occupied by someone much nicer. Who needs another adult to look after as well.